I had a sleeping pill last night and felt a bit better for most of the day.
However, I had a couple of thoughts that I don't want W anywhere near me. I thought that perhaps the kids could be passed by a mutual friend so that I don't have to see W. On the other-hand I want a better MR with her, know I could do it but she's not in the right frame of mind.
The kids went to sleep and I felt horrified at W lies from a couple of years ago that I only knew of a couple of weeks ago. W had given money to her parents towards buying a house when we had needed that money to buy a bigger one for us so the kids would have more room. For the last 2 years I had been stressed trying to save every penny not knowing a lot was tied up in that house. W has now moved into that house.
I also feel sad that I've got a L to put a childcare plan offer to W. She will receive it within the next couple of days.
The kids are totally amazing. I feel so sorry for them. Their mum has been so dreadful.
I'm going to be very busy out and about with the kids for the next couple of days doing some new activities, a couple of major 180s etc,
don't be scared to exchange the kids with her face to face. I know you don't want to see her b/c of the pain it brings but she will only see weakness in this. Show up well-dressed and groomed, recall the great things you have going in your life, and smile when you see your children. Be brief, but polite with her and then smile and leave.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
5 years ago my inheritance was taken and we needed that money to buy a bigger home that we needed for the kids sake. W inherited money 4 years ago and lied saying it was less.
I went through years of depression as we didn't quite have enough to buy what we wanted. I wouldn't have done if W had been honest saying how much she had inherited which would have been enough. W let me and kids suffer for years rather than be honest which would have allowed us to move-on together.
2 years-ago she gave the extra money (that I didn't know about) to her parents towards buying a house locally (that she has now moved into).
W must have had that on her mind for years and made excuses to have arguments etc. rather than tell the truth. I only realised all this a couple of weeks ago, and last night realised she could have saved me from years of feeling depressed. The day she left she said to me "You'll never feel able to trust me ever again"... and now I know why.
However, a few months before we split we were looking to get a new house. W had said to me she could get extra money towards it if her parents sold the house, so perhaps she had been seriously thinking of us moving on together at that stage.
At the moment, I'm feeling disappointed that she allowed me to be depressed for years over the issue rather than tell me the truth.
I recommended to someone else but you should watch the “Happiness Advantage” TED talk by Shawn Achor. Your happiness is not nor was not your W’s responsibility. You had control of that then just like you control that now.
In any case, how can you stop dwelling in the past? Sure. She lied. A lot. What does that do for you NOW?
I have had a great couple of nights away with the kids. First time I've taken them away on my own. I went swimming with them for the first time which is a 180 for me.
Odd coincidences keep happening. On arriving home by train the kids noticed W car was parked at the station. Next to it was the car belonging to the woman friend who W kept very secret but who I know W sometimes stays with all night. W would only leave her car if she was planning on drinking alcohol. The friend of W had dumped her husband as W planned to leave me. I've seen the woman at events W & I have been to, and W and her ignore each other. I wouldn't even be surprised if W has OW.
I have had a great couple of nights away with the kids. First time I've taken them away on my own. I went swimming with them for the first time which is a 180 for me.
Glad to hear that. You hare building great memories. The parenting time flys by too fast. ENjoy them while it lasts.
Mine are all in teenager mode. I enjoy them in a different way now.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I have had a great couple of nights away with the kids. First time I've taken them away on my own. I went swimming with them for the first time which is a 180 for me.
Excellent, more of this.
Originally Posted by DavidUK
Odd coincidences keep happening. On arriving home by train the kids noticed W car was parked at the station. Next to it was the car belonging to the woman friend who W kept very secret but who I know W sometimes stays with all night. W would only leave her car if she was planning on drinking alcohol. The friend of W had dumped her husband as W planned to leave me. I've seen the woman at events W & I have been to, and W and her ignore each other. I wouldn't even be surprised if W has OW.
So many coincidences... enough David, you are looking way to much into this. Get your focus off her and on those children and you. There is a really happy life waiting for you I can promise you, its there! Please stop letting your W consume your every thought. Does it really matter if your W's car was at the train station? NO, it just made you wonder more and more what she was up to... it doesnt matter.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
I need some urgent help and advise. I have had a legal letter sent by my solicitor offering a childcare plan to W. I don't know for certain whether the solicitor has sent it or if W has received it or whether she is ignoring it.
My solicitor suggested not handing the kids to W until the plan has been agreed.
W has text me asking what time she can collect the kids on Monday, no mention of the childcare offer to her.
I don't want to antagonise W. She has mentioned a few times in the last few months that she wants a childcare plan but hasn't followed that up, but has allowed me to have the kids on my own for the last couple of weeks during which time they have become settled back at home with me.
Can anyone please help me on this, I've not seen W for 2 weeks (the longest we have ever gone without seeing each other) and I've got the kids on my own. I'm worried W will only resent me even more if I insist she has to agree to the childcare plan (that she may not have seen) before the kids can go with her.
You need to communicate with your W about the kids openly and clearly. You said that you don't even know if she has received the proposal, let alone had time to go over it with a L. It sure seems like keeping the kids away from her until she agrees to something is HIGHLY controlling. If you are worried about the safety of your kids it might be justified, but short of that it seems inappropriate. Why does the L think it is a good idea not to let the kids go with her?
You need to tell her that you would like to talk about a childcare plan, and then explain what you have drawn up. I don't think doing it with a metaphorical gun to her head (not releasing the kids to her) is a fair way to negotiate.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
