OK - You have said this before...........time to prove it! You can get yourself unstuck but you have to want it. The board can offer you advice but you have to put it into action.
I sure have. and i was as full of $hit as a honeywagon. I was lying to myself and inadvertently BSing all of you.
For me its not a matter of WANT but METHOD. I want it and have wanted it for ages, ive just been doing it wrong.
Ive been letting her tug me around by the bag.
The only think Ill say that you may not like is im sticking to my resolve on the "If she refuses to provide for S3, I will not" And thats not just the haircut, its in all things. Im not asking or expecting anymore, where she comes up short, i will complete the task. S3's needs will be met, i wont neglect his needs to prove a point.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Im not asking or expecting anymore, where she comes up short, i will complete the task. S3's needs will be met, i wont neglect his needs to prove a point.
Don't get yourself in a situation of making her out to be the bad guy and having S3 think that he can just run to you if he doesn't get what he wants from mommy.
That will backfire. You don't want to come between her and her/your son.
Look back to the Issue with the Dr appt. back in May.
I spoke with her about the need for a Dr Appt. She said she would do it. "I have a day off mid week, it will be easier for me to get him into the Dr than it will be for you, ill take care of it" Weeks went by. I followed up to see if it had been done, or even scheduled, she said she was going to do it soon. I wanted another week. It still hadnt gotten done, school sent a letter saying we had 4 days to get it done or he couldnt come to school. I took time off to rush him to an appointment the next day so he didnt get dropped from daycare.
Yet another scenario, where S3's NEEDS weren't met, even though i began a normal civil convo about his needs, and she amicably agreed to take care of it, then didnt, and didnt say a word about it, and just waited for the situation to get to emergency status, and who swooped in to fix it? The responsible parent. Me. Are you suggesting i should have let S3 get kicked out of school? (i can see how that would help in divorce, so im legitimately asking, not being snarky)
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
When you got the letter I would have followed up with her and asked her if she was still going to take him and went from there. I would not have just swooped in to make it happen.
This scenario is different though than the haircut.
Based on what you typed I was under the assumption that you had 4 days from when you received the letter. I still would have asked her before you did it but if you only had 1 day I would have done the same thing.
It happened to me with a school picnic last year and my XW forgetting to pack lunches for my D's. The school was not serving food that day so either they brought a lunch or parents brought them something from a fast food restaurant.
One of my daughters friends parents called me and said my girls didn't have anything to eat. I called the XW, told her about the situation but she could not leave work and asked me if I could handle it for her. I was not going to let my D's go without lunch but since it was her week I wanted her to have the option.
I was very nice and calm about it but truthfully I wanted her to know since it was on her watch It's all in how you handle it and your emotions.
Ok Day 1 of Fresh Start is beginning with a challenge.
STBXW Sent a message just now.
STBXW: " Hi OrangeK, I know that you mentioned you are unavailable to talk and going away for the weekend so i will keep this short and its ok if you dont reply. I just wanted to say in response to your long text yesterday i agree. I also just want us to focus on co-parenting S3 to the best of our abilities and have no ill will or animosity towards one another. I am glad for you that you have moved on and i hope it brings light, happiness and positivity into your life and S3's life. I truly do. Have a good trip and I will talk to you next week about the schedule"
I know this is how she presents when she wants to play nice, ive seen the same type of message before, and so have her EX's.
I cant help but laugh that she gave me permission not to reply.
I also know she doesn't want me to move on, meet anyone new or be happy. I know some of you may knock me for continuing to be negative in the face of a seemingly positive message, but its just how she is. Everything is smoke and mirrors.
as much as it is a challenge to keep myself from replying, I will not be replying to this message, and i dont buy a word of it.
Any thoughts?
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
It's all in how you handle it and your emotions.