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DavidUK Offline OP
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W is telling lies constantly about everything, I'm so tried of it. How do I deal with someone who lies so much and I have to see her due to the kids for the next decade or more?

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I donít know David. But I fear I am also heading down your path so Iíll look out for any advice.

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DavidUK Offline OP
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Today has been good for GAL. Took the kids for a good meal out, park etc. I met a woman (with a child about the same age as mine) and gave her my phone number. I said it would be just as friends. I doubt she will ever call but the kids said she was very good looking and will no doubt tell their mum they had a great time and a very pretty lady asked for my phone number.

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Donít get me wrong but isnít the motive for the above wrong? You should be doing stuff like this regardless of if W knows or not. Donít care about what she thinks.

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DavidUK Offline OP
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The motive is for me... but I know W will hear of it and I don't care if she does.

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DavidUK Offline OP
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This morning W dropped off the kids about 90 mins late and was in a bad mood looking to take a kids toy simply because it might have some small value to sell but she also said she liked my new footwear. I was surprised she noticed because she barely glanced at me.

This evening, W arrived and came into the house for about 90 mins (longest time yet). She seemed to be wasting time telling the kids to take their time etc. I gave her space, didn't pursue, no questions etc. W said that I seem to have lost more weight. W was friendly and polite but it could just be her 'nice' act that she does in front of everyone. I don't know why she gives me so many compliments. I have no idea who the real her is anymore.

I wonder whether W delays taking the kids in the evenings just so she can say they were not ready to leave (because she had arrived very late with them in the mornings).

If there is going to be any MR in future then there has to be some time together for us to get along, and yet would it be better to have the kids ready to leave the very moment W arrives so I have less contact with her?

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You are focussing way too much on W, you need to detach the sooner the better. everything you are posting has to do with your W. This cannot be healthy, stop looking for a reaction from her.

You said a very pretty lady asked for your phone number... really? Is that how it happened? Just sitting there and made conversation and she asked for your number? Slow down David. You really need a chance to heal, you will start to see things more clearly if you detach (lovingly). Hopefully this lady will not call you... her calling you is not going to help you at all.

Start each day with Facts only. Do not fabricate, in your mind what you think might happen or what someone else is thinking or what their reaction will be if this, or that happens. Slow down and live right now for you and your children. It is best not to tell the children every single detail of what is going on.

Have you spoken to an actual Lawyer yet, not a law person, I mean an actual Lawyer/Attorney?

Have you spoken to a Independent Counselor? Not a friend who knows about Divorce.

You need to do the hard work in order to get through this, start with step 1 Do not talk to your W unless it is about the children. Do not ask her how her day is or how she is feeling. Think of it like this, every time you ask her something not related to the kids she wants out even more, so if she is 1000 meters away from you, you just pushed her another 1000 meters away. Leave her alone.

Now go GAL life crazy!!!


M:52 W:49
D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20
ILYBNILWY 5/28/17
Still living together
W filed 1/5/18
W moved out 8/24/18
D final 9/18/20
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DavidUK, Hi.

Sorry to read some of your back story. I get it. I've had as bad, worse and for years, years and years!!!!

I have one message for you. Sorry, it's harsh. You need to grow a pair son!

That sounds awful, but stick with me, I am speaking from experience.

You see, I didn't soon enough. Nevertheless, I am very grateful I did not - I got to see her fully (not the person I thought she was, perhaps she changed or perhaps it was just a charade) I am about to D, all will be well. The kids are fine and I see them almost every day - I appreciate your sitch is different - and it is in terms of time with the kids for sure (you need to sort that in time, and you will).

Now back to growing a pair at the right time! None of this is ever about them (WS). I mean that in terms of your actions. You do not want to show her something so she will come back!!! Big no no. You need to change your choices. Goals if you like in MWD terms.

Start to focus on you. It's that well trodden comment of 'keeping your side of the street clean', stop caring about what and why she is doing her crazy stuff. Just STOP.

Find fun and life for you and the kids. That's what takes growing a pair! - when all you want is her (I get it). I'm not saying your are not being a man, I am saying you are still in pursuit. You clearly are. Forget what she wants, says, does not say, thinks....just STOP.

Start doing what makes you happy. Be happy. If she sees you happy and healthy she may want to be with you. But most importantly you will, so will your kids and so will others that will have such a positive influence on your life. I 100% know this. It may take time for you to just be alone. It may take time for you to take up old hobbies, new ones (I wouldn't want the wonan you described - and I doubt she will change),spend time with old friends (or new) or whatever. But this is what takes balls. DROP HER ROPE (it is firmly attached to your balls my friend)! Get it off. Move and keep doing that.

It's a new life now. It's a far, far happier one but she has been in your head controlling you for too long.

Also, sever all finances. Get what cash you can and separate it so she can't burn it. My WW has burned £900k of mine. She will soon be closed off! Nearly there.

So things to do. Grow a pair! Change your plan, separate finances, give zero F**ks. Be 100% the best version of you and Dad (for you and the kids). The rest will sort in time. It may rekindle, but I would assume you need another life. A happier one for you and the kids. When you have done this, if it does not rekindle, get a D then sort custody. Then find yourself a lovely lady that really does deserve you because I really don't think she does!

Mate stop f**king about. You have one life and this will burn years from yours and it will confuse the kids. Move one! Fast and hard.

A final point never argue in front of the kids. If she does, set boundaries and close her down. Protect the kids and you.

Read the verbally abusive relationship by patricia evans.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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That's great advice from Surfer. Harsh but great.


W 34 Me 42
Married 7 years together 8
0 kids 1 beloved dog
BD 4/6/2018
I moved out 4/7/2018
I moved back in alone 8/05/2018
I file 3/06/2019
D official 5/7/2019
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DavidUK Offline OP
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I took the CYA advice... I now know that W told the kids they would be leaving in 1 min, then one of the kids quickly said about the lady asking for my phone number. W said "mummy does want daddy to be happy... just not with me". Kid then said my new hair makes me "look way younger". W then said it's "much, much, much, much better. It's very, very good, very good". W then stayed for an hour. From other comments it is now apparent that W is being delibrately awkward about me seeing the kids.

I have seen a couple of L and have now chosen one who I will see tomorrow. I have counselling help every few days but that one is likely to stop for a while. I also have a different one to go to starting next week.

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