Hi, pinn! Welcome to this part of the world. As usual, I'm late to the party, but just wanted to comment on what you said about having no interest in dating. I've been divorced for coming up on 4 years now and for the first year after, I had NO desire to date. Even after that year, I kind of wanted to but not enough that I actually put myself out there to do so. It has taken awhile. Even now, I'm not all that interested in dating a bunch of different folks. If someone asked me out a few months ago, I would've likely said yes, if I liked them ok, but wasn't actively seeking anything, so I get what you are saying. You are definitely not alone.
Sorry about all that your dad is going through. That must be really rough for you. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Get thee to Alanon my friend. It will help. trust me on this.
Good for your dad for wanting a better way of life. I'm glad you had that breakthrough even though it felt like a breakdown. Better out than in and this is now your time to heal as well.
Your initial question about dating -- I think it takes someone exceptional to make me take notice these days. Otherwise, I can't be bothered. Too much else on my plate. Also, I find that I look at people and think weird thoughts, "Do I REALLY want to take the time to get to know this person, their friends and family? What's the point?" Seems like too much effort.
One friend told me I was too busy dating myself. If that's the case, it's going well, lol!
good luck to dad and hang in there Pinn xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My dad had to be moved to the cardiac care unit because his heart started to act up. I am just shocked that withdrawal is this bad. I feel guilty for not reading up on this more before hand. I was not prepared for this and I don’t think he was either. Honestly, if I was aware, given his age and health, I might have been against this move. He is incapacitated at the moment. He cannot really communicate, has no idea where he is and is hallucinating. Someone has to be with him at all times. This is going to be a long haul.
It is eye opening watching this. I have no idea how anyone can get off this stuff if this is what you go through first. On top of all that, I have to start caring for his stuff. It’s hard because I cannot communicate with him and he has been in this state for a week. He has a beach house that he rents and I think people are booked for there next week. No clue how I am going to figure out what to do there but I will. It is just 2.5 hrs away.
Needless to say, any concerns about me dating or not are the last thing on my mind. 😊
BFLY... my thoughts exactly!
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Your initial question about dating -- I think it takes someone exceptional to make me take notice these days. Otherwise, I can't be bothered. Too much else on my plate. Also, I find that I look at people and think weird thoughts, "Do I REALLY want to take the time to get to know this person, their friends and family? What's the point?" Seems like too much effort.
It took me a long time to considering dating. I knew I was not emotionally ready, and feared I would repeat the same mistakes I did in my marriage. I focused on my kids, developed new skills and tried new things, like skydiving and acting. A year ago, I tried online dating and realized I still wasn't ready.. which was annoying because I am older. Thank goodness now I'm more at ease with myself. The better I am about me, the better I can be with another whether it's dating, friendships, etc.
Thanks Gypsy. Soooo... I guess I am not alone in this thinking!! Good to know! I do think that I need to start getting a Lil adventurous though in this dating game though whether I want to or not. Im a catch d@mn it!
My dad is still in the hospital in a weird coma like state 90% of the time (he’s not in a coma, but that’s the way to describe it). I still cannot believe this. If I knew this ahead of time I would definitely been against him quitting drinking like this. He can’t even swallow! He’s been in there over a week!
Oh Pinn, I am so sorry. I am nurse who worked ICU and saw many go through DT's. I agree with Juju, if someone does plan on quitting drinking like your father did, it should be managed in the hospital with the correct medications and protocol.
I wish for him to have a full recovery and really get his life back on track. I know dealing with an addict parent is very difficult. My mother died when I was 21, she was a coke addict. I never went to Al-Anon, but I probably should have, it might have helped. I have no siblings, my parents were divorced, so my mom was my responsibility at the age of 17-21. I know how lonely it could feel.
You'll date when you feel it's right. I'm in my 30's also, the upper end of them. You'll find someone who piques your interest and you'll realize you may be ready.
Thanks Neffer and Ginger . We'll get through it... it's been a wild three+ years! Jeeesh... but it flew by!
So I was thinking a bit about the dating situation. Reading down here in the forum is so interesting... seeing the different paths people take with dating etc. Anyway, I was thinking about myself and realized a few things. First, my dating experience has been rather limited. XW and I were neighbors, we grew up together, I knew her since I was 11 or 12 and we were high school sweet hearts. There was no 'dating' there... it just happened. We were on and off for 20 or so years. During that time, she dated but I did not really. I had some girls who I guess I dated. So I definitely have no idea what I am doing now adays. But I guess J9 didn't either... hmph! But I do think when I meet the right person, it will flow naturally.
The second thing I thought about was this. I thought about every girl I have ever 'dated' or even hung out with over the years. Every single one, including XW, all were heavy pursuers. All of them. I have never pursued anyone, with much effort anyway. Even the few dates I have had the past year were because they kept asking and pressuring otherwise I would have never asked them. I found that interesting and am not sure what exactly that means. That's probably something that has to change.
The final thing is the sex issue. Of course my friends think I should be 'sleeping with anything that moves' but that's not my style (obviously see above) and I'm OK with that. I want to of course but I can wait. I think if I were to sleep with someone early on, that would actually mean that I had no interest in a relationship with them. Just thought that was interesting too reading some stories down here.
ahh who knows. I think it'll be a good year though. This is about a year since I decided it was time to file the papers so hopefully I am in a good frame of mind for a relationship. I think the next one will be good. I should have given up on XW loonnng before she became Mrs Pinn.
I believe I'll have to comment on your thread more often. Oddly enough I went on a date with an interesting guy from a dating app and had the best time ever. It was so refreshing to be 'myself'.. not triple thinking if I was saying or doing the right thing. The conversations were far-reaching, it was easy to be together. I truly believed what he said about wanting to get to know someone, laugh and have fun, then see what develops. The evening ended with a kiss on the cheek which was sweet.
The "I'm not a pessimist but am prepared for the worst side" of me is content if it's "one and done". What a relief to know that meeting someone can be fun, and staying in the here and now is rewarding. And that there is something not inherently wrong with me wanting to know someone first. Finally, I can be comfortable in my own skin and see what's right in another person for me!
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