My focus is on Zen. I have a bunch of Eastern Philosophy books i want to read on Non-Attachment, spirituality and so forth. I think looking to the East for some methods of meditation, dropping attachment, and being at peace with the flow of the world is going to be important to me.
If you have been following my posts, you will see my recents posts about my "Anger Bucket", hence the name of the new thread.
Its time I left anger in my past. Its time to plant flowers in my Anger Bucket.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Steve, Yes, i still have detachment to work on, we all know that. I have a compunction to think my sitch has gone on for such a long time, when in retrospect it really is still quite fresh. I posted about this yesterday. Your thoughts on that post??
Yep. Nothing really came to mind. I think you are right. In the pit of the sitch we think so much time has passed, but in the big scheme of things it is very small. I think your sitch is a little different, but I wrote a lengthy post in my own thread about how LBHs always think that BD is the start of their MR problems. But in most cases, the WASs has had her minde made up for at least 2 years prior to BD that the MR was really over.
Time is a great topic to discuss in these sitches because most of the time the LBS has a skewed view of it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You've said she married you under false pretenses. So your sitch is different than the long time marriage where the W checks and starts working on her escape.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ahh yes. That has been a point I have found has made it difficult to navigate DB. Where others with WAW, the WAW has had lots of time to grow discontent, and the WAW still has a normal emotional range as opposed to PDWIFE who is strictly motivated by admiration, attention and lacks any form of remorse, compassion or regret.
Its like she just totally morphs into a different human being every 3-5 years. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some energy field is off whack or something, emotions have been high across the board. I had a REALLY tough day on Monday, My brother had an equally crappy day yesterday (he still deals with a lot of issues stemming from our eldest brothers death). Lots of people around me have been confrontational and argumentative.
Lastly the uncanny silence of PDWIFE is still unnerving. I feel like she slipped behind the curtains to plan or plot some nefarious scheme. It disgusts me that the woman i once pledged my life to, is now someone I have to think of like a supervillan. Like what evil plan will she hatch next. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- S3 told me yesterday that Monday when he was picked up from school by OM, he spent the afternoon / evening with OM alone at his house, then OM drove the 45 min (opposite direction from where he works, making his commute like 1.5 hrs) to drop S3 off at MIL's house when PDWIFE got out of work at 8pm. SO S3 gets dropped off at like 8:30. Sees his mom for maybe 30min then goes to bed. OM has become a taxi driver and baby sitter, and he is parenting my son more than WIFE is.
All i can say to that is..............wow...........wtf. When you look from the outside its so easy to see how much and how blatantly PDWIFE uses people. Best of luck to you OM! lol.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
3 days ago a woman reached out to me on Instagram. We have been chatting a bit, There are a fair amount of similarities between her and WIFE. Style, Looks, Likes/Dislikes etc.
this girl seems cool, and is smart and I enjoy talking to her, but the whole "Came out of left field" thing is throwing me off. Its the same way i began talking with PDWIFE.
Plus the personal similarities.
Very odd. I try to give the benefit of the doubt, and i have no intentions on a new Relationship, but having someone to talk to is enjoyable.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
OK, this is the way it is most of the time. When you least expect to meet someone is usually when you do.
My general advice to LBSs is to avoid dating until they are in a healthy place. But your sitch is such that I don't think that general advice applies. As long as you are upfront with her about your sitch, and honest with yourself about how well you've healed.
And yes, there is nothing wrong with talking to someone!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
And yes that's crappy what your wife is doing. It [censored] to get caught up in the spouse like that, but those feelings can be a good reminder to detach further and find happiness for ourselves.
I'm sure OM feels like he is a real gem.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
