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Hey bud!


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Dawgs
Hey bud!


Sup, Dawg! (In my best Randy Jackson from American Idol voice.............LOL)

In my readings this morning, I came across something that really spoke to me so I wanted to share it. It is a quote by Buddha. "In the end only 3 things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............

I'm good on that first part because when I love someone whether it is platonic or romantic love, I love HARD. I'm fiercely loyal to those who are near and dear to me and express my love often. I don't ever want anyone in my inner circle to doubt that I love them. I think it is basic human nature to crave love and I have a lot to give to those who give it to me. I don't necessarily fall in love easily, but I give love freely to those who matter to me.

The second part, "how gently you lived", is a bit puzzling to me, but maybe I am doing that? Not sure. I mean, I don't live a wild, hard partying, unhealthy lifestyle and I try to be nice, decent, caring, etc. I'm not perfect so I certainly fall short on occasion, but I do my best to do the right thing and be the nice person. I saw a post on facebook yesterday by a teacher friend and it was this fairly long thing aimed at kids about how there will always be someone at school who is smarter, has better clothes, comes from a family with more money, but even with those differences, everyone can still strive to be the nice kid. Yes....I strive to be the nice kid because I know there are women who are thinner, prettier, sweeter, funnier, more whatever out there than me. Is that living gently? I don't know, but I'm trying, Buddha....I'm trying.

The kicker in this one for me is "how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you". Wow....SMACK! I do let go of things, eventually, but not always gracefully. Sometimes, the exact opposite of gracefully in fact. But, I have just realized, in light of some other things going on around me in the past few days, that letting go gracefully is just going to have to become a habit for me. It hurts sometimes, but I think in the end, I will be a better person for it.

I've long heard that old saying about how it takes 21 days to form a habit, though some actual scientific research suggests that it could be as much as 10 times longer than that, but however long it takes, I'm going to work on letting go gracefully. Letting go of worries, negativity, things out of my control..........those things are leaving my life. No explanations, no apologies, just letting go and hopefully, in the process, setting myself free from some things that I have been carrying that I don't need to carry.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Hi Dawn,

I'm catching up on some threads and I have missed sooooo much. First, I wanted to say I am happy to hear you are coming into a new place in your life. You always sound so warm and genuine in your posts. And I am always impressed with the fact that you have a real zest for life. We are only going around once-,may as well have a good time.

It's difficult to let things go sometimes. Unfortunately it can take quite a bit of time to truly let go and with grace? Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing awesome. We are all a work in progress smile


Hugs, GB



3 kids
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"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Georgiabelle
Hi Dawn,

I'm catching up on some threads and I have missed sooooo much. First, I wanted to say I am happy to hear you are coming into a new place in your life. You always sound so warm and genuine in your posts. And I am always impressed with the fact that you have a real zest for life. We are only going around once-,may as well have a good time.

It's difficult to let things go sometimes. Unfortunately it can take quite a bit of time to truly let go and with grace? Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing awesome. We are all a work in progress smile


Hugs, GB


Thanks, GB. You always say the nicest things and I do truly appreciate that. I'm trying really hard to enjoy my one trip around the sun. Sometimes that is easier than others, but for the most part, I think I'm doing well. And, yes, I'm totally a work in progress, but hey, progress is progress, right?


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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I sure do need 2:00 pm Friday to hurry up and roll around. I'm tired in every sense of the word: physically, emotionally, mentally......I'm just DONE. I'm so glad there are no classes on campus Friday because that also means there are very few faculty members so I can get my work done and just kinda do my own thing all day and that helps. I have a lengthy to-do list of things to accomplish between now and next Friday so that I can take the whole week of beginning August 6 and I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to the down time.

Feeling tired and run down like I do gave me something to think about this morning, though. I see, hear, read it all the time that having positive thoughts and attitudes can really make a difference in your day. I'm not necessarily a negative person, or at least I try very hard not to be (of course I have my moments), but I really made an effort this morning to ban negative thoughts and just focus on the positive: today is already Thursday; I have a to-do list that is dwindling by the hour; I'm going to renew my car tags today and that will be out of the way before the craziness at the end of the month ensues in the revenue office; I have plans with my family Saturday and plans with best friend's family Sunday; I'm sure Sparky and I will squeeze some time in there somewhere; I only have to make it through the rest of this week, then 5 days next week, then I get a whole week off to just relax and enjoy some down time. Those are all GREAT things. Very positive indeed.

How does that song go...."accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative....." wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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So, on my trek to be more positive, I got a nice little boost this morning. I was a bit down after a brief conversation with someone last night left me all up in my own head and I was fighting hard to NOT think about it this morning so I could just move on with my day. It is FRIYAY after all, right? So, because I didn't sleep well at all last night, I slept later than normal and didn't have time to cook breakfast so I ran to McDonalds to grab something. There is an older lady who works there who is always very friendly and chatty when you go to the pay window. As I was getting my change this morning, she looked me directly in the face and kind of cupped my hand in hers as she handed my money back to me and said "you be good to you today". She has NO clue how much I needed that this morning. I was STILL all up in my head about the conversation and that helped me to refocus and realize that I was all up in my head because of my own mind reading, not because of anything that was actually said. So, thank you, sweet lady, for gently nudging me out of that negative space.

I won't dwell on the conversation other than to say it was with college guy and he just knows how to get in my head. After I talked with him I was watching the series finale of the tv show "Nashville" which I happen to love because I'm a huge music fan. Since it was the end of the show, they brought back ALL of the characters from the entire series, including the main one, who had been killed off a couple of seasons back. To me, the show was always about this character's story of true love with the man who had always had her heart. At one point, she came to him in a dream and she said to him "Sometimes, once in your life, somebody gets in your bloodstream,". Well, that did it.....the waterworks started to flow right then at that moment because I KNOW how that feels. College guy is in my bloodstream. He always has been, from the day we met when I was just 19 years old until now. Thing is, I KNOW we will never be in an R. We will never be a couple, be bf and gf, be anything more than friends (and occasionally FWB), but I just can't seem to get him out of the very depths of my soul. And, it is almost like he can read my mind and he pops up at these very inopportune times to mess with my head. I need to just let go and I don't really know why I can't. It's frustrating. VERY frustrating. I'm trying to get out of my head about it and that is why I'm putting it out here....to hopefully dump it out of my head, at least for now.

Life has a very odd way of giving us what we need and sometimes what we want. I know everything happens for a reason, just not sure what the reason for all of this is. Other than to show that I'm a neurotic mess sometimes, which I totally get, so lesson learned, Lord.

I'm going to just try to focus on the present, the here and now, and all the great things in my life. Today is my oldest daughters birthday and she's enjoying a family vacation with her husband and sons. I get off work early today because it is Friday in the summer. Sparky is coming over after he gets off so we can have dinner together and hang out and visit before he has to go to his meeting for firefighters. Tomorrow I'm going to enjoy a family reunion with my dad's side of the family. Sunday I'm going to enjoy church and lunch with my best friend's family, celebrating his stepmom's birthday. And, then back to work Monday to get through just 5 more days before I can enjoy a whole week off. I'm SO ready for the break because I'm tired and I need some down time that doesn't involve anything other than hanging out at home with my sweet little four-legged baby.

Happy weekend, all! May it be as fabulous as you wish it to be.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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I understand the tug of lost youthful loves - BUT - you have to ask yourself WHY you persist in pining after all these years. Who was the absent or aloof person in your childhood?

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Dawn70 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
I understand the tug of lost youthful loves - BUT - you have to ask yourself WHY you persist in pining after all these years. Who was the absent or aloof person in your childhood?


Interesting question, kml. I didn't have anyone absent or aloof in my childhood. I was raised in a very loving and supportive environment and one in which I was taught to be strong, hard-working, loving, caring, loyal and independent. I have said many times on this board and in real life, I totally hit the parent lottery with my mom and dad. They are AMAZING people. They taught me the value of hard work, education, honestly, loyalty.

The pull, honestly, has more to do with college guy himself. He was the first person I ever really loved. He was the first person who ever actually loved me. I didn't really date in high school. Sure, I had some crushes and stuff, but again as I have posted many times, I'm not an attractive woman. I was not an attractive girl. I was fat. And we all know that for the most part, fat girls get ignored because high school boys, even if they are nice boys, wouldn't want to stand up to their friends who would make fun of them for liking a fat girl. College guy didn't care. He saw past all that. We have shared an intense emotional connection from the beginning. I loved him and I will always love him. He loves me and he will always love me. The fact of the matter is, though, that as much as I love him, even if I had the opportunity to have an actual romantic relationship with him, I am not sure I'd want it. He's a player in a big way. He's been married 3 times and cheated a LOT on all 3 wives. Even now, when he's divorced from wife #3, he tells me how lonely he is and how much he wants an R with someone, but while his words say R, his actions say sex. It just is what it is. And, honestly, I don't "pine" all the time. Just get these occasional little bouts of it every once in a great while where I wonder "what if". It's a hard relationship to explain for sure. I know it is and I'm IN IT. LOL


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Yikes dawn. College guy certainly does not seem to be a guy with good morals. Not a guy worth pining for if he is certain to cheat.

But he made you feel beautiful. Is that what you need? Does sparky make you feel that way? My guess is that he certainly thinks you are beautiful. Its just Some guys are just better at expressing it. Especially the players. The trick is to know your beautiful regardless of what a guy thinks.
There are a lot of different types of beautiful out there. Just because you say you are not, doesnt make it so.


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Dawn come sit by V.......

The thing that appeals to your ovaries is the ideal College Guy, the one that turns up and says 'You complete me'.

Honey lovely one, let me tell you straight, "he does not exist other than in your loins". It is a fantasy and you have an EA going on.

You know better than that! You are better than a flimsy worn out exhausted EA.

It's called limmerence and it's nonsense. It doesn't match up to a real flawed lover who adores YOU as YOU are and wants the same.

IF CG was real then it would be established by now and not just the odd booty call.

Leave CG in fantasy land where he belongs and get some real lovin.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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