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#2801205 07/14/18 12:22 PM
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Making New Lives


Last edited by Cadet; 07/26/18 02:34 AM. Reason: added link to previous thread

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Job, so glad the edit button is back. But it did not work for me. It was timed out pretty quick. No big deal. Readers know what i mean. But just letting u know.


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JuJu, we found out that the edit button wasn't working properly on this forum. It is suppose to allow you 10 minutes to correct the posting you had just posted. Hopefully, next week, they will have this fixed for this forum. As Cadet and I move across the forums, we are taking note of things and informing Virginia of things that need to be fixed.

Last edited by job; 07/14/18 01:53 PM. Reason: corrected a word

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted by job
JuJu, we found out that the edit button wasn't working properly on this forum. It is suppose to allow you 10 minutes to correct the posting you had just posted. Hopefully, next week, they will have this fixed for this forum. As Cadet and I moved across the forums, we are taking note of things and informing Virginia of things that need to be fixed.

It should work for you on other forums but something is wrong with this one.


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JujuB - don't beat yourself up, its natural to want a new relationship make us whole after a divorce. And sometimes that desire leads us to ignore red flags.

I would listen to your son if he's feeling uncomfortable.

That being said, don't go to the opposite extreme and assume you'll always be alone. There are plenty of good men out there you just need to shop around.

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See, your son even sees it. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. The ideal of the perfect family is not the only way to have a happy family and a well adjusted kid and your kid is HAPPY. He loves his mom, the special bond, and anything else will ever be an addition, for the both of you, not a completion.

Dating is a thing not because we have to marry the person because they will stay and not go. Dating is to make sure your lives mesh, you bring out the best in eachother, you have a mutual love and respect. Then, if you find that, you marry.

I think you might be the one person who beats herself up worse than me. We are humans. We make mistakes, we learn. We can't punish ourselves for not being "perfect". We all mess up, we all have great accomplishments too. Life is a learning curve, we weren't born knowing everything and always the right thing to do. Should be all punish ourselves?

You have nothing to make up for. You both made mistakes. ANd you didn't cause him to make his.

You are more than enough. Ignore the ideals. Look at your life. You have a lot to be proud of and happy about. You have wonderful accomplishments. Like that son of yours. And how you stand up for him.

Try celebrating those instead of beating yourself up for your mistakes.

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Hi Juju, it sounds as though you are clear in your mind what you want to do. And now it is just a case of finding the courage to do it. Me and the guy I had been seeing for a few months just broke up. We'd had a few tricky things to navigate and that hadn't been easy. I think we both came to see that we were on different pages in a number of areas and it did cause tension.

He became pretty distant and stopped investing. I was building up to asking him about what was happening. Then he said to me he wasn't sure whether he wanted us to carry on seeing each other. I thought about things and told him I thought we should stop seeing each other. And so we have. In truth, it wasn't easy and I have felt pretty raw. However, I hope we'll still be able to dance together in the same class and get along reasonably well - we'll see I guess.

I once read a little quote about doing or saying difficult things - ask yourself is it necessary, is it truthful and is it kind. I think if we can follow these guideposts as best we can - and we'll do an imperfect job for sure - we've handled things as gracefully as we're able.

It maybe time to stop questioning yourself and worrying about this and take the needed steps to end this relationship that is no longer bringing you joy. For me, I have been sad, but I also feel it was the right decision and I feel some relief too.

Xx


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Oh yeah, he's a judgmental a-hole, dump him!!!

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I know. Its just a matter of meeting up to do it.

He is really bad. This is why you shouldnt date immediatly post divorce. I ignored red flags and went for someone not compatible based on my trauma and wish to avoid future trauma. I turned traiits that i saw in him as bad to good. And ignored some bad things that came up early. Like he made fun of the looks of someone that had posted to him on line. The way a teenager would. . But meanwhile his looks are certainly not going to result in women chasing after him. Demonstrates a huge lack of self awareness and meanness and immaturity.

I am glad this came up. I am also realizing, i dont really need to be in a relationship. I am going to put my energy else where right now. People suck.

When i do date again, i am goimg to have to be more discriminating. Less tolerant. Go with my gut.
I also need to learn to acceot my own feelings insteqd of down playing them or questioning them. Trust in myself over a male.

Every guy i have ever dated has always had an arrogance about them. This extreme confidence, thats not always warranted. After a while, i see that and call them out on it or question it and then the relationship becomes combative

What types of guys do i go for at this point in my life? I thought a LBS that raised his kid was a smart choice for someone nice with good relationship skills. I thought a man that had a great education and a supportive family and good job would be a great dad and husband.

I recognize that people all have downsides. But the downsides i am describing are just not minor things too deal with. I am a tolerant person i think.


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Ju

It seems to me ex and NG have a lot in common. A great deal in fact.

Both are wilful a holes with entitlement issues.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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