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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Apr 2018
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It all turned out fine Orange. At least with the anger you have now, you can move on and be done with his chapter of your life. Anger or detachment, whatever works to get to a better place. Slam this door shut tight so you can open the one where you will find true happiness.

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Now that I've had some time to unwind I'm actually feeling quite at peace with everything. I no longer have any hope or desire for reconciliation or avoiding divorce. And I'm honestly happy about it. I'm sure some emotions will recycle eventually but I'm feeling pretty good. I still have a long road ahead of me between fixing my budget and saving money and getting an apartment, getting through the divorce process in a fair way. I do like the progress I've made so far in getting a life, I'm already in better shape than I have been in years and I know I can try harder with my exercise routine. I have an awesome group of friends and some fantastic family and great support at work. I'm a good guy and I know my value. The right situation will come along for me eventually. I need to quit smoking continue to get into better shape fix my budget and get myself situated in my own living space. after that I need to start focusing again getting to becoming a full-time firefighter. I'm glad I have goals. lastly I'm glad I have the support of the people on this forum Community. I have learned so much about what I'm dealing with and myself period between this ordeal in the support I've received here it has made me grow into a better man. I will continue to improve myself and I'll be sure to keep in touch with everyone here as things develop. I think my story could be valuable to newcomers even as my divorce processes through completion. Even as I Grow and adapt to that new lifestyle. Thank you all so much


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
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It is a big change to your life, this wasn't your life plan to get a divorce.

Now it needs to be tho, about you, not us. Best for orange and yes you have some swings we all do. Some of us are thick and believed the brain washing from the abuse and take longer to admit it's done.

I didn't want to let go, it had been on and off fro years. I thought he was faking his a. That she wasn't reAl because who would want a man who spent 50min ranting about how I didn't live because I bought hemeroid suppositories rather than cream!

That was because to the a person they aren't that person. It takes us time to work out our h or w is t that person or any person we would want to be with... and the m Is it was long dead. Any reconciliation would need to be new. In a way.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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This was what i needed. It proved to me, finally, that she is the toxic person i suspected. Strictly only cares about herself and getting what she wants, and damn be to those that get in her way.
I had been holding on to a list iota of benefit of the doubt for her.
When it became obvious SHE was the one pushing to continue to RO, not the prosecution, it proved it once and for all for me.
It flies in the face of the last messages i recieved from her the day of, and the day after the TRO was put in place.
Message #1: "Your dad just called me and said you were in jail! i hope you;re ok! i have no idea whats going on this is awful!"
Next Day
Message 2: "I am so sorry that all happened, i only wanted to call and report the damages, and i didnt know youd get arrested or anything, i really am so sorry about this"

Clearly those were BS, along with all the obvious manipulations lies and abuse over the last 2 years.

I cant believe i fell for her tricks and lies, i feel so foolish that i held on to hope for so long, but live and learn i guess.

I know that we wont speak or see each-other for at least another year. I am happy about it.
I Know she will continue her self destructive cycles and her life will just get harder, and sadder.

I was mad at OM, jealous of him. Now i just puty him. I know he is still basking in the light of love bombing and limerance.
Poor boy, his time is limited, but i got no dog in that fight anymore. As long as he is good to my son, which he seems to be, not my problem.

I feel a new momentum, a new purpose.
There is NO motivation to impress her, or win her over, at all.
In fact i wish the opposite. I hope she fades further and further out of my life forever.
When she DOES see me though, i will have quit smoking (something she always hated), be in great shape, probably have a new home and car, and she will see what she discarded.
And i dont care what she will think when she does.
Not at all.

I am new.
I am valuable.
I am strong.
I am better.


Oculi velatum ante finem veriorem nunc vides.

Vae victus


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
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Posts: 8,152
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Orange, bad move on burning the dress, I am very disappointed in you. You should have put it on your dog and posted pictures of that on Facebook and Instagram grin Kidding, just kidding! No I think sometimes you have to do something like that because it can be very cathartic! For me it was taking down all the pictures of W in the house. You keep doing you smile


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
Joined: Apr 2018
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it was glorious.
A few other artifacts went with it as well.
A full purge.
For the first time EVER i feel like i am truly seeing this whole situation clearly.

It feels good to be free.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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My dear Vanilla,

Thank you for your support. It helped a lot.
So now that the veil is truly lifted, we need to chat about her Mindset, and how i can go abouyt safely and productively co-parenting with a woman like this.

I need to expect the bad things and plan on best way to mitigate them when they arise.
1.) increased manipulation, smear campaign and attacks.
2.) The dreaded HOOVER (if you asked me a week ago i would have WANTED this, no longer!) **this is a big one i need to plan for, as i may find myself weak someday and she may choose then to try and re-insert her fangs)
3.) How she will treat my son as he ages and develops.
4.) what i can do to protect myself and my son as this situation develops and ages.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Orange

A tiny word, sit by V.

You have been running on adrenalin. It gets you through quite a lot, trouble is adrenalin is tough on the body long term. That's when cortisol kicks in.

So expect to be very very tired and need lots of rest for at least 2 months. No alcohol and delicious fresh vegetables.

You smoke so plenty of vitamin C etc. You may need a health check as I know you also exercise.

Extreme self care. OK extreme.

And no concerns if you need lots of early nights and naps during the day. It's ok on that.

After my ordeals I usually juice fast.

Lots of lovely time with your S3 and hugs. I believe in hugs. Kids notice this stuff even young ones. Hugs, fresh air and play are the prescription.

Remember this is a marathon not a sprint.

For the meantime, stop fretting, thereliable are action plans at each bridge you cross.

I did say hugs didn't I?

I am sure I did.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Oct 2014
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And the board is a great place to plan for your 4 points above. And get great feedback.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Emotionally i feel more stable than i have in YEARS, even well before BD. I havent felt this sure of myself since my wedding day (ironic i know, but i was riding a pretty serious life high that day, i thought i had it all! Jokes on her!)

What i need now is a plan, a good solid one, to get through Divorce, and have rebuttals and plans of action for that various things she could do to try and spike my wheel, or reel me back in if (when, not if) OM starts to bore her. I don't think this will take long as they have already been dating over a year, and I know now looking back HER limerence / "butterfiles" / Crush, goes away within about that time.
I know you said it isnt limerence, but i still believe she TRULY believes she is in love for a while, but when it fades i feel like she is aware enough to be able to internally say something to the effect of "Oh, damn, its happened again, time to start scheming and playing damage control, time to start hunting for the next target"

I do feel as though my new solidified position of negative attention source will help preserve her relationship with OM, as she wont need to look to his friends or family for people to treat negativly, get negative supply from and it will take longer for her to turn on him.
This is where Greystone comes in. If i am NOT A GOOD source of negative energy, she will seek it elsewhere.
I have NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD how long things last with OM. Seriously I dont, i just know the faster she gets bored with him, the faster she will want to look at me or others for both positive and negative fuel sources. I want to avoid this at all costs.

She is definitly using this as an avoidance technique, perhaps she hopes by the time this new RO gets lifted (1 year from today) i will have forgotten much of what happened and she will assume we will build some sort of friendly co-parenting scenario. Like her mom and dad.
She is a cycler, a repeater, to guess her future actions, all i need do is look to the past, or even at her mother, as they care very much cut from the same cloth.

i know this all sounds like attachment and pursuing.
It is not.
It is a game-plan to help mitigate the tactical strategies of the enemy.
Until such time as she shows she can act somewhat like an adult and establish an amicable (NOT FRIENDS) co parenting scenario, i will have to regard her as just that, the enemy.
I dont want to have to think of her this way, but for now i must.

Both input from other females, as well as the Vets familiar with PD's and WW's is much appreciated.

I will continue to update as to any developments, her actions or lackthereof, as well as my advancement and victories in GAL'ing and true NC / Greystone.

My son and myself are now my only focuses after getting Divorce out of the way.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
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