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A Message from Michele
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Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: joejoe1] #2789198
05/10/18 01:05 AM
05/10/18 01:05 AM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,843
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JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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J
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,843
Hello anative.

Im more in the Vanilla camp... mistrustful of spouses that were once capable of cheating, or whom felt a sense of entitlement large enough to enable them to cheat.

I do however suggest reading an old poster named Lim. He dealt with similar issues regarding transparency. He has not updated for a while. He was was piecing, but posted on newcomers


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: JujuB] #2789203
05/10/18 01:10 AM
05/10/18 01:10 AM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,843
J
JujuB Offline
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JujuB  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,843
I dont think its your ego that keeps you from taking her back.

The act of cheating is one of the most painful forms of betrayal. I have read that it hurts more then death. When some one cheats, they hurt you emotionally, but also have the potential of impacting your physical health through very dangerous stds.

There is a lot to think about. So you are smart to have doubts. It is wise for you to not take her actions lightly.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: anative] #2789393
05/10/18 06:47 PM
05/10/18 06:47 PM
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
A
Amazona Offline
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Amazona  Offline
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A
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 15
Hello Anative,

What you are feeling now is not strange.
Whatever the reason that your wife has a changed in heart will not matter for you as of now.
Let your wife work hard to win you back.
If you can hold on for 2 years, then do it.
If she says she loves you, do not respond with I love you, just keep your silence.
I have realized from my own relationship and from others, if your partner is not invested or has not invested, they are easy to leave or look somewhere else. If you want her to stay in the relationship, play it smart, you now have the upper hand.
The secret to happiness is not having regrets about the past and not worrying about the future.
Live for today.

This helped me during my darkest days.


Forced your wife to decide what she want but make sure that her decision is an established decision and not a rebound relationship or perhaps because the OM is no longer an option and you are the only option left.
Let her drool for 2 years, play hard to get, so next time she looks somewhere else, she will think hard on all the investments she has placed on your marriage.

Good luck!

Last edited by Cadet; 05/10/18 10:37 PM. Reason: per TOS outside links not allowed
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: Vanilla] #2791578
05/22/18 08:09 PM
05/22/18 08:09 PM
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 57
A
anative Offline OP
Member
anative  Offline OP
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A
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 57
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
With regard to children, I do not believe in secrets. You are as weak as your secrets. Which is very weak. Do I think you should say horrible things about WW? No. But I do believe the truth will out any way and by keeping silent you ruin your R with your daughter. So a simple statement to her "D, I have something I want to tell you, your mum has been having an A with OM for x months. OM lives in another country but visits here. Your mom has told me it is over with OM and I am unsure of my position and how I feel. Other than sad. This isn't something I want to go to in depth with you today but I want you to know. This is a private family matter and for my sake I would like you to be confidential.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea. This past year, I did everything to hide this A from my D. I'm still wondering what might happen if I moved out the day I found out her A. Will she stop right then? If I told my D and her parent right away, will she continue her A this long?

I have to make an extremely careful about what I am going to tell my D. Because, once she knew I cannot make her forget. She is very happy right now that we live as a family again. She might go to boarding high school in USA next year. I don't want her to worry anything when she's away. I might tell her only if telling her will help her make a better decision of her situations when she has her own family.


H43/W43/OM52
M15 w/D14
Live & work together/ OM oversea.
EA: Feb,17
PA: Apr,17
(10days/Apr,3wks/Jul,twice a wk/Sep,3days/Feb18)
OM away, WW ended A/ wants reconcile, Me being pursued.
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: Amazona] #2791579
05/22/18 09:12 PM
05/22/18 09:12 PM
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 57
A
anative Offline OP
Member
anative  Offline OP
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2017
Posts: 57
Originally Posted By: Amazona
Let your wife work hard to win you back.
If you can hold on for 2 years, then do it.
If she says she loves you, do not respond with I love you, just keep your silence.
I have realized from my own relationship and from others, if your partner is not invested or has not invested, they are easy to leave or look somewhere else. If you want her to stay in the relationship, play it smart, you now have the upper hand.

Forced your wife to decide what she want but make sure that her decision is an established decision and not a rebound relationship or perhaps because the OM is no longer an option and you are the only option left.
Let her drool for 2 years, play hard to get, so next time she looks somewhere else, she will think hard on all the investments she has placed on your marriage.

We have twice serious R talks since she said she was done with OM.

First time, she asked me if I will give her a chance to make it up. I don't have to believe her now just take a look at her. Don't be cold but be friend with her and consider about getting back together again. That was all she want. I told her, it might take a very long long time and it might not be the same. she said, she is willing to wait and thanks me for that.

Second time, 2 months later, she said she wants to know if I still have love left. She doesn't want to start over like we are stranger and wish for love to happen. If I have love just a little bit, let start from there, build love from whatever has left not from none. She said that I don't have to believe her but what happen with her make her realize that she still love me very much and no one can replace me. She want us to hold hands, kiss, make love again because all that make her happy and she knew that will make me happy too. So why not start from there. She want me to come stay at home when the condo's contract is over in June. She is hurry building the new house. Trade her car that she drove with OM. She is working very hard to earn it. I know that she will get tired some day if I'm not appreciate and one day she will quit. I ask myself if my daughter who I love very much did something that unforgivable will I forgive her. I think I will because I love my daughter unconditional. I might give my wife another chance and I will love her unconditional because this is the best I can do to my family.

Since, I can't post from my phone anymore, I might not be able to post very often. I don't want my wife to find out these conversations. However, I will check back from time to time. I deeply appreciate every help from here. I wish you all have a good fortune on the path you decide to take.


H43/W43/OM52
M15 w/D14
Live & work together/ OM oversea.
EA: Feb,17
PA: Apr,17
(10days/Apr,3wks/Jul,twice a wk/Sep,3days/Feb18)
OM away, WW ended A/ wants reconcile, Me being pursued.
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: anative] #2791582
05/22/18 10:11 PM
05/22/18 10:11 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,169
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,169
NY
Originally Posted By: anative

Since, I can't post from my phone anymore, I might not be able to post very often.

You can post from your phone just do not use any quotes or contractions.

I restored the missing post above and deleted the duplicates.
You can see the punctuation that caused it to not appear.


Me-66, D33,S32
Re: WW wants to reconcile. I'm being pursued. [Re: Cadet] #2791602
05/23/18 12:12 AM
05/23/18 12:12 AM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,085
San Antonio, Texas
J
joejoe1 Offline
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joejoe1  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,085
San Antonio, Texas
A,

Good job! Keep up the hard. Looks her actions are matching her words. You know what to watch out for.

Great job DBing and keep up the hard work. I hope you don't go too long without providing an update.


M:36 W:35
T:9 M:8
S15, S11, S8, S3
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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