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Joined: Mar 2018
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M:26 WAW:26
T:11 M:7
D:3
BD 1 10/16
I love you but not in love
BD 2 2/18
I love you but...
W moves out 3/18
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Sandi,

That was gold thanks so much. At least i have SOME semblance of a game plan for potential responses.

Artista, if you want to add your $0.02 i would deeply appreciate it.

Today has been a good day thus far, despite some BS with WW missing a payment at Daycare that i had to play damage control over, but i think it was an honest mistake.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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I look forward to seeing what you had to say Newly


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
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Originally Posted By: OrangeK
How could you hurt someone you vowed to love forever, so SOON after speaking that vow.
Married Sept 2016 - Affair began April 2017.
Like, what the actual F**K?


The answer to this question is at the core of your situation. I think you know the answer.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Gump,

Normally i would agree with you.
I am trying to give the benefit of doubt.
We had a lot happen very quickly.
We had a child, and she was a stay at home mom for 2 years.
We got married fairly quickly and im sure that was an adjustment and i feel like she may have felt a but trapped when the reality of how quickly our life together went once things settled in.
She started a new job right when she started going cold on me, its in a very social setting. I feel like she got cold feet after the fact. May have felt like she sped into motherhood / marriage and totally gave up on a social life.
This does not excuse her actions or what she did to hurt and destroy our family.
However, i am fairly confident the reality of what she has done is beginning to sink in, ive seen enough to give me a good indicator this is where she is at despite not having been able to talk to her.
I owe it to my family, the vows i spoke and myself to be patient and give the benefit of the doubt and see how things shake out when the dust settles.

If she continues to be cold and mean, then i'm gone. not looking back.
I have been using this time and space for me and my son, i know I've done some 180's and am a better man than i was. If she doesn't see this and value it, too bad for her.

I appreciate your candor, and its a good reminder to keep by mitts up.
I will take the high road and wait, watch and listen.

If and when it becomes clear its time to truly pull the trigger on D, then i will do so. Regretfully perhaps, but I will make the hard calls when i know they need to be made.

thank you Gump.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Update:

Had some 3rd party communication with W through our daycare because our son has been acting out and there was a missed payment from back in 2017.
It seems like she isnt vindictive anymore. Although i didnt actually speak or communicate with her, the messeages i got from her mom and our daycare teachers seemed like she was willing to pick up the slack on her end of parenting and jumped at fixing the missed payment that was her fault.
I fully expected her to tell me (through her mom) it was my fault and i needed to pay.
im honestly a bit shocked.
Wondering if things will be warmer than expected when RO goes away.
Not dwelling on it though. I have a card tourney tonight i am far more concerned with right now.

is it 5:30 yet?
TGIF DB'ers!
Go have fun and GAL!!


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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I cant help but notice the vast majority of people posting here are still living with their WS.
Any specific advice for people that are separated and/or currently not in communication with their WS.

I feel like my sitch has already gone to far to fix. Losing hope. Feel like its FUBAR for sure.

I cant say how much i regret filing D, even though i never wanted to. I feel coerced into it by WW (when we were actually still talking) and family and friends.

I still want to try and see how DB works but how can I if I am separated and not in communication?

I feel like each day she forgets me more.

Feeling hopeless right now.


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,455
Likes: 58
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Hang in there man. you have no idea what's in her head. Plus you have a child so she'll never be able to fully "forget" you.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 1,668
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OrangeK Offline OP
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Steve.
You are right as usual.
I think I've been getting it confused in my head between the fact that we legally can't speak right now versus whether or not she actually wants to speak with me right now. as far as the fact that we have to co-parent for the rest of our adult lives I kind of view that as a double edged sword. well I will always be in her thoughts and life I'm also wondering if I just have 15 years of miserable headaches ahead of me


M: 30, EX-W: 30, S:4
M: Sept 16'
A: Jan 17'
WW Left: Oct '17,
EXW Filed TRO: Jan 18',
I Filed D: Feb 18',
TRO Extended 1 yr - May 18'
Final Hearing - Sept 11th 18'
D Final Dec. 18'
TPO on FIL Oct 18'
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Likes: 1
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Posts: 18,666
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Since you have no direct communication with your W, you are relying on your assumptions to a great degree. I can only try to imagine how maddening it must be for you, but until you hear directly or indirectly for your W.........it is mostly your feelings speaking.

She has gone dark on you, and there is nothing you can do about it. You can wait it out and wait for her to make the first move, or you can move on. Doing some action to bring her out of her darkness is not really benefiticial. You can express your frustrations on the board, if it helps keep you sane. You can work on yourself if there are areas that need improvement. You can learn from mistakes. But as far as doing "something" about your W........I know of nothing more. Don't discount the value of focusing on your personal growth during this time. It is the greatest thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones.

Btw, if you have tried to talk to your MIL during child swap, I suggest you stop. Just be polite and ask no questions about your W.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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