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Psy,

Just caught on the last threads.

My kids are happy and know they are loved. They need your time and love and you will give them that. They will be fine - trust me.

Do what you feel you need to do and forget the rest.

Will catch up soon.

Keep strong - exercise when you can. It's the best thing for this IMHO. Eat well and try to sleep as much as you can.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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hello, PsySara... how are you these days? hoping you are experiencing some needed and deserved peace... do you have special plans with the kiddies this summer? keep in touch, please...

--artista

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Sara,

Still thinking about you and the kids...hope you are well.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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I also hope PsySara is doing well. Does anyone here have contact with her in real life? It would be so nice to know that she's ok. She's been through so much. I hope she's gone from this forum because she's out building a great new life for herself and her kids but it's troubling when such a good person just disappears.

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Hello friends! There have been some major changes and I wanted to make sure they were stable before I came and gave an update.

So we were a few days away from divorce and I was very detached and had started to look forward to an independent life. WH had found a house a few blocks away so the kids could stay local and take the same bus to school. WH politely asked me if I could accompany him to check out the house and we could kick around our thoughts. I was very "ok" with this as I no longer clung to the hope of reconciliation. We were still fasting as it was Ramadan, it was the end of the day after work so we were both weak with low energy. As we walked through the house (it was still being refurb'd and thus the owner left to run an errand while we explored) WH looked around. Then he stopped. He was staring off into space and looked rather pale and start to perspire. I asked if he was ok because I thought the fasting was taking it's toll and maybe he was going to pass out.

He looked at me with dead eyes and said, "I f*cked up, didn't I?" I just raised an eyebrow and nodded. He suddenly sat down and said, "What have I done? I've destroyed our lives. I am destroying my children's stability, I've betrayed your trust and then...Ye Allah, I've literally broken your heart, Sara." I kind of stared at him with a strange lack of emotion. A year ago my heart would have leapt at this sort of breakthrough but in all honesty I felt suspicious. WH asked if we could go somewhere and talk? I said, sure.

So we drove to a store an sat in the car and talked for the next few hours. WH asked if there was anything left in me to consider saving our marriage. I was frankly honest and told him I was extremely doubtful. He said he would be willing to anything, jump through endless hoops, submit to any demands I would make. I told him I felt like I had given him endless guides in the past and he had refused to follow through to rebuild our destroyed marriage. I told him when faced with the financial responsibility of parenting after divorce that suddenly I don't appear so bad of an option. Instead of becoming defensive he instead validated my emotions. He said he was thinking back at the 2 years of hell he had put me through and the shame was awful. He apologized for over an hour, mentioning offenses specifically, and said he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to me.

I told him I needed to think.

I made an appointment with my DBing coach and laid this at his feet. I was blunt in that I felt dead inside when it came to thinking about WH. That I wasn't sure I could ever feel a shadow of love for this man who had destroyed me so coldly. So DBing coach told me to view this as dating, I could walk away at any time but to see if this "new guy" could win me, To make WH win me like a new love, not win back "The wife." So I decided to try one last time. I told WH what I wanted.

1. I wanted to be wooed, to feel like a girlfriend and not a wife. (if that makes sense)
2. I wanted an more even split with household finances and no longer be 85% of the bill payer
3. Household chores need to be split more fairly, same goes for child care
4. I no longer was going to be the person making all the plans, WH had to plan away trips
5. If I decided that I could feel some "spark" again the maybe I would let WH buy me a new ring to symbolize a new marriage.

There was a lot more but so far WH has spent two months being consistently compassionate, receptive and gentle. He smiles constantly and asks me every day what he can do, how I am feeling, what do I want. He texts me at work, calls me often and has removed contacts from his phone that I was uncomfortable with. He doesn't push or insist I show acceptance or mention an end to this trial. He says he is perfectly content to wait forever. While I don't feel a "spark" I am starting to enjoy his presence. I am am feeling calm and at peace with him. We joke and goof around, we talk a lot. Slowly but surely I find the tight fist in my gut un-knotting. There is a lot of progress to make, frankly WH is doing 99% of the work and I am just sitting back and watching.

So that's my update, friends. Thoughts? Opinions? 2x4s? lol


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Hi PsySara, I'm happy to hear your news. Envious too. It's kind of amazing what it took for your husband to realize what he's done. It must have been amazing when he was finally sorry! By now you're an expert on how to handle this so surely you'll be cautious and realistic. Do you think your husband has had a deep enough revelation that he'll stop cheating in the long term? Maybe no one knows but I always wonder if someone who has cheated several times can change. I hope it's a yes. Maybe he'll never be perfect and you can never trust him 100% but if you can have a decent life together with your kids and you get back to trusting him 90% that's still better than divorce. If you read the beginning of the original MWD book, Divorce Remedy, you'll be glad you're giving your husband this final chance. I encourage you to buy and read it when you're having a bad day or aren't sure if you're doing the right thing. I hope you can figure out an exact science for how to prevent this from happening again, to the best of your ability, and I hope everything keeps going in the right direction!

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Sara, read thru your sitch. Wow you have been thru hell with this WH. You are a strong woman and a great mother and honestly IMHO he doesn’t deserve you, sorry. Do not make it easy, there is a pattern with him. Whenever he gets scared he comes back. Do you know it is different this time? What does your gut say? Proceed very very slowly, make him prove his changes . I would be very weary of this awakening but you are the best judge of your own sitch
You deserve to be happy, see if he still can make you happy do not give him the power to hurt you again
Good luck keep us posted - arshi

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I just want you and the children to be safe.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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thank you for the update... please keep us posted... everyone here wants what is best for you...

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Wow. I've seen it more than once, last minute turnarounds. Somehow once you've actually let go they know.

Sounds like you have your feet on the ground.

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