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A Message from Michele
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Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2782403
03/21/18 11:58 AM
03/21/18 11:58 AM
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bttrfly Offline
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Irish, I'm proud of the way you handled that interaction with your eew. It wasn't so eew-y this time and that's good!

Re: D15's tests - that would have driven me nuts, the waiting! And to know you need to wait for results until April would also really drive me bonkers, but the one thing to know is that doctors like to be thorough to avoid lawsuits down the road. At least that's how they are around here!

Will keep the positive thoughts and prayers going! xoxoxo {{{hugs}}}


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2782404
03/21/18 12:16 PM
03/21/18 12:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,768
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DnJ Online
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It is good to see your D15 sharing her feelings about her mom. “If mom cared she would be in my life”, my D15 also has a similar viewpoint about her mom. It’s nice to see them talking about their feelings, as infrequent as it is, instead of holding them in.

I am glad D15’s was brave for her tests. It sounds like there were quite a few and it took some time. She is a strong girl and I know you’re proud of her.

Just need patience for a few more weeks and then the results and some answers.

That was an interesting conversation with XW. Her comment my minds racing and it’s like I am going crazy, if that doesn’t scream MLC. She still won’t do the work and face things, so unfortunate. Maybe someday, hopefully, for her own sake.

Stay strong Irish, you’re a great dad and a damn fine example of how to get through this.


Oct 8/17 - BD
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
w/OM, Left Kids
Dec 9/17 - Legal Separation
Oct 3/18 - W Files
Apr 6/19 - Divorced
Current
Me52 XW48 S22 S21 S19 D17

I may give up, but not today.
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: DnJ] #2782427
03/22/18 12:16 AM
03/22/18 12:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,705
Southern Maryland
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I am happy to read that the tests are done, but the wait is always the hardest. However, April is just around the corner and I pray that the news will be good.

It is very difficult for children to understand why a parent walks away and stays away. You've done a great job of being both parents to your daughters. It's a shame that your w can't get her sh@t together and meet up w/them. She's afraid of being judged by them and seeing the look on their faces. In her mind, it's better to keep her distance and touch base than face the music. Such a waste and shame. Her daughters are growing up so quickly and she won't be able to turn back the clock to see them grow up.

Irish, you are doing a great job. Never, ever doubt that. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: peacetoday] #2782466
03/22/18 07:03 AM
03/22/18 07:03 AM
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Peace, I really like that comment about respect, opportunity, choices and consequences...thank you for those wise words smile xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Sotto] #2782493
03/22/18 01:32 PM
03/22/18 01:32 PM
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peacetoday Offline
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Thanks Sotto!

Irish
Seems like a good conversation-
She seems content to stay where she is
I see MLC=to addiction
in either case, one would give her anything/anyone to feed/support the habit or the addiction
I see her as that
She has limited to no control, its not what she wants but shes got no choice because the MLC/addiction has her
she cant break it-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2782594
03/23/18 01:30 PM
03/23/18 01:30 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 704
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Irish M Offline OP
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Hi Bttrfly, Dnj, Job, Sotto and Peace

thanks again everyone for the prayers. April 14 isn't too far off for the results and D15 has had a symptom free 8 months plus.
We are positive.

With the last interaction of XW that continues to go between the hours of 9-5pm as if we are business partners and off work hours is not permitted.. I still find that funny. She is so careful not to message me when she's at home.

late the other night I get a friend request on Facebook. It's a woman that dated one of my best friends, they have been separated for over 5 years and my friend is getting married next month. I am performing the ceremony.. should be a fun event. Anyway we will call her Kim. She was always closer to my XW. Kim sends me a message.

Hi Irish.. How are you? I heard about you and XW. Are you still living in the same house? I saw your pictures on Facebook (private so not sure she can).
You happy? Good? The girls are so lucky to have someone like you. Hope we can talk soon take care.


I right away think this is too weird. I don't hear from this person in over 5 years, was never close to her and the day after XW gets all friendly in a MLC way, this one asks me questions about me and where i am , if I'm happy and so on.. it's too obvious. I won't reply. Not interested in games.


last week was the Montreal st Patrick's parade.. this week is in my home town.. Once again I am in it. Even though there is still over a foot of snow and temperatures haven't gone above 60. I will take the roof off eh jeep and the doors and decorate it all up. Should be fun and a great start to the spring.

wishing you all a great weekend


Irish


M50
XW42 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 via text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters with me
D15 and D18
Her divorce was Final July 26 2016
She hasn't seen her kids since Aug 2 2015
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2783525
04/01/18 01:04 AM
04/01/18 01:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 704
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Irish M Offline OP
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Irish M  Offline OP
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So I gets call from my GF last night.

She is upset and with reason.

One of her longtime friends , we will call her Amanda. She Lives in a town 45 mins away.
Says she has a new neighbour. A woman that moved in with the guy across the street in January. The guy is a local alcoholic . Loser type . Samantha tells her that this woman came over to say hi, since the guy is doing work on Amanda’s deck. Handy man to get extra $
That night Amanda gets a friend request on Facebook from her.

My GF sees a pop up yesterday. Friends you might know. The name of my XW. She thinks no. Impossible . A person with a contact in common , Amanda. Of all towns and houses to move ... impossible .
Looks into it and yes. It’s her

GF calls Amanda. Fills her in . Amanda says that she said nothing of having kids of her own. Said they are soul mates helping each other fix their broken pieces.

So XW is onto OM2. Moved in. No contact to the girls. She knows the girls wanted OM1 gone. She stil choses her fantasy life over them.

Do I tell them?

GF is so upset. Is worried when she goes over there she will see her . Wants to smash XW face for the pain she gave to the girls.
I was supposed to go to a bbq this spring there as well. Makes for a real uncomfortable situation.


M50
XW42 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 via text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters with me
D15 and D18
Her divorce was Final July 26 2016
She hasn't seen her kids since Aug 2 2015
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2783539
04/01/18 05:06 AM
04/01/18 05:06 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline
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Oh boy Irish - what an unlucky turn of events for you and for your GF. I can understand how you must both feel about that! Ugh...

That's interesting about OM1 now being replaced with OM2 - gosh! Interesting how so many of these situations start out as 'soulmates' only to have fragile foundations and not survive life's ups and downs.

Should you update your girls? I'm not sure about that one. It may be relevant information to them as OM1 being out of the picture was important for them. But how they may feel about OM2 being in the picture is another matter. I guess another aspect is how you would feel if you didn't tell them and they found out and also found out that you knew?

If you do tell them, might there be a risk that they would contact her and the link back to your GF would be revealed? I'm erring on the side of updating them. But clearly she doesn't sound to be in a place where she has much to offer - ie: she has just chosen to partner up with another guy who has significant problems in order that they can fix themselves together? Really?

I came across a nice quote recently and I use it as my guiding light if I have something difficult to discuss. Is it necessary, truthful and kind?

I hope this helps a little anyway Irish and good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Happy Easter to you and your family smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Sotto] #2783549
04/01/18 07:22 AM
04/01/18 07:22 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 26,705
Southern Maryland
job Online

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Happy Easter!

OMG! Talk about having some nasty bad luck in a neighborhood! I am so sorry to hear this news.

I don't think I would share this news w/your girls right now. They may not stay very long in the neighborhood if the OM2 can't find work. Sometimes sitting quietly and allowing things to play out is actually doing the right thing.

For now, just sit quietly. I know your GF would like to throttle her, but she can't let on she knows of her and her situation.

Re: Letting go for my own inner peace [Re: Irish M] #2783569
04/01/18 12:49 PM
04/01/18 12:49 PM
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Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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the world is smaller than we realize and things like this do happen.

i'm not really sure what the right answer is but i like Sotto's quote.

You don't have to say anything right now. You can sit on it for a few days while you mull it over.

As for going there for a bbq - yeah, i'd be avoiding that area.

as for the random outreach by "kim" yeah, i too call BS on that.

the reindeer games continue, despite her being onto OM2. that is another piece of interesting information. wasn't OM1 her soul mate? Now it's OM2? Anyway ...

just keep living your life.

xoxoxoxo

Happy Easter!


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16


“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
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