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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Finding gf eggs would be much more fun.

V


cheers to that... as long as there was something in place to keep the eggs from getting, um, poached..


M - 9 1/2 years
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Was going to say something about the male bird that crows at dawn.

But decided against it.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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You have got to be kidding me.. No f'n way..

So I decided to reach out to the lady who I talked to for the first time the other night, the one that completely turned me on when dancing with her. I messaged her through meetup letting her know that I was thinking of her, she Msgd me back with her number. So I called her, she didn't answer and immediately text me, she said:

"I can't talk right now, in middle of volunteer firefighter class"

WTF, instant flood of PTSD.. For those not familiar, the end of my M started with ex joining volunteer firefighter class.

I didn't respond, trying to figure out if I just move on or work through my "issues".. I still have flashbacks whenever I pass a station or see a fire truck, not sure if I can handle being with someone who has that in their life...

FML... Just my luck


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Grrr... Really not sure how I feel about this, she text me, just told her she surprised me, kind of a trigger, that I needed to think about it.

She replied that she understood, wanted to talk later

Not sure why she would say she understood, but really irrelevant, I'm not sure if I want that in my life and I don't understand. Figures that I would make my decision only to be presented with this. My initial thought is I'm out, but I also feel like I could use her to neutralize my feelings about fire dept, but don't want to "use" her for that..

I'll sleep on it tonight


M - 9 1/2 years
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01/10/18 - D Finalized
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The universe may be trying to help you deal with the fire department issue. It's a sign to help.

Coconut, I suffer from c PTSD too, it's important to walk to the pain and deal with the issues. Think carefully about rejecting someone just because of this.

I do understand though, H2 and H3 had the same name, I was asked out by a guy recently with the same name. I told the guy sorry you have the same name as two of my exes and it would be hard. He said I have a middle name. But I couldn't date him.

I think this was something I needed to face.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thanks for your comments V, Reading your post made me realize my use of the term PTSD may have been inappropriate. I've not been diagnosed, and I doubt my reaction to triggers even come close to PTSD level, I used the term because it generally describes my reaction and reasoning for it being a trigger.

My cousin and uncle in WV are also vol. firemen, they occasionally post things on social media about it, it always triggers me. When my cousin visited me in NC last year, she mentioned it, and it triggered me. But my reactions aren't uncontrollable, the trigger just brings back negative memories and feelings, when she brought it up in person, I kind of zoned out and disengaged from the conversation with her. Not really how to describe how it makes me feel, it's just uncomfortable and I tend to go into avoidance.

The weird thing is one of my best friends and his wife are full time firefighters, after BD I would go to get togethers at his house with a bunch of other firefighters, for some reason when they brought up the station or work it didn't trigger me the same. Somehow, I think the volunteer thing is what I have attached the negative connotations to.

Anyway, thoughts of new girl being a vol. firefighter woke me out of my sleep 2 hrs early, so it did have some effect on me. I will probably face the pain, and see if that helps alleviate the triggers.

Seeing how much this triggered me makes me worried about how I will deal with trust when I allow someone close enough to need to.


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I saw you posted on my thread that your self esteem was riding high from Friday night and I see why! Yes, being desired and pursued by multiple women will do that to you. Have fun and enjoy it.

I know how you are triggered by Vol. FF. I am triggered by lawyers. (OWW is a lawyer) Well, I WAS triggered by lawyers until I met this most wonderful DB'er who is actually both a nurse and a lawyer. She honestly untriggered me. You can't dislike all lawyers once you meet her.

So maybe the trigger will go away by a vol. FF being someone you like.

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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
So maybe the trigger will go away by a vol. FF being someone you like.


We shall see, I asked her out to dinner tonight.. This will be my first date with anyone but ex in about 12 years, it's nice that I already know her (somewhat) which takes away the nerves and I know we have good conversation, so that helps too.

Just hope things don't get too awkward within the group (as in if one of us dates someone else within the group), cause i'm not looking for anything exclusive, hopefully she isn't either. Guess I'll find out.


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Hi Coconut, I'm pleased to read you have a date - good for you and I hope you had a nice time. I was interested in your comment about exclusivity. I'm dating too and we had that conversation recently.

I realised that the most important thing for me was to be honest about where I am at and what I'm looking for. For me, I do want to date exclusively - but I'm not really working towards potential marriage or cojoining of finances. I think those things are off the agenda for me. But I also recognise that I may still be somewhat reactive in these areas?

Anyway, the guy I'm seeing liked my directness and we had a conversation about where he was at and why - and...it all felt good.

I think the problems come when we don't feel able to say where we are at - so I would encourage you to do this. If you are at a stage where you just want to casually see a few woman, I think it's okay to do this - and those women know where they are at. They may self-select out of course. So I guess that's the risk.

I know for me that I'm an exclusive dater and if my date didn't want that, I'd rather know...

Hope this helps any ways - and I hope you have a good time on Friday smile


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Quote:
I do understand though, H2 and H3 had the same name, I was asked out by a guy recently with the same name. I told the guy sorry you have the same name as two of my exes and it would be hard. He said I have a middle name. But I couldn't date him.


Haha Vanilla - I'm facing a bit of a similar dilemma.

Before I dated Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome (my now-ex BF of 4 years) I briefly dated another guy, who I am now casually seeing again. The first (and present) guy is named Marcus and is tall, African-American, and has a shaved head. The ex-BF is named Mark and is: tall, African-American and has a shaved head!

I'm teaching at a professional conference next month and that means a few days of "free" lodging at a nice resort. I took my ex BF Mark to a couple of these events. I don't have anyone to bring with me this time and though about inviting Marcus, the guy I'm casually seeing, as it's just a short drive from where we live.

But I just can't see me showing up with another tall bald black man with a virtually identical name! I'm sure the people running the event would mistake him for my exBF, or they might think I have some weird fetish! Neither option is appealing. It just sounds too awkward.

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