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A Message from Michele
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Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: kml] #2904018
09/17/20 01:44 AM
09/17/20 01:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,903
G
Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Georgiabelle  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,903
Hi KML,

Yes, he was controlling. Iím not seeing him anymore. He got upset when I wouldnít do the sexay with him.


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909592
12/01/20 02:44 AM
12/01/20 02:44 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,903
G
Georgiabelle Offline OP
Member
Georgiabelle  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,903
I hope everyone had a nice holiday. I kind of quietly keep up with everyone here. Iím sorry. I have to throw up on this board.

Ex Mr. GB says the kids have hurt his feelings about his new baby. He has totally ignored DS17 for the last 6 1/2 years and hasnít been much better with DD15 and D10. Itís always about him. He said they were so hurtful to him that heís rethinking Christmas gifts. Iím going to be snarky so call me out on it. Yes. Hurtful words to him always take precedent over the childrenís feelings. Sigh. Call me a bad person. I am delighted that this baby is kicking his behind. Seriously. He looks like heís aged 15 years and the kid is only two months old.

My company is being acquired by another large company in the next month. I hope not to be out of a job but I could be. For some reason, I just canít be overly concerned about that right this minute. I mean Iím concerned. But I realized I only control what I can control. And Iím concerned because of Covid that I would have a difficult time finding another position. Some days I think about it a lot. Some days I donít.

About 7 weeks ago, the guy that offered me a single chip reached out to me. Please know that Iím a relatively intelligent woman who is generally a good judge of character. I decided to meet him. For a man who talks about the importance of communication, that going silent or getting me to ďguessĒ what happened is old. He said he was okay not having kids. We started seeing each other again and we were having fun. It seemed much more relaxed and he was really trying. Trying to get to know me and doing things that I liked. However, I always felt like no matter what I did there was something wrong with it. But I kept trying to push that feeling away. Heís very intense. I have no idea what happened (he always wants me to guess?) but he just ghosted. I just canít take it any more. I just canít. I donít have it in me. I donít believe all men are bad. Most of my friends are guys and I think theyíre great people. I just canít do it anymore. And I know itís a numbers game but I just donít think I can do it again. I watch other people and they are in relationship. My ex. His brother. His brotherís ex wife. All but me. And then I start wondering whatís wrong with me? And I know Iím flawed. I have lots of flaws. But I try to be self-aware.

I would like to meet someone age appropriate. I online dated for 6 days this year. I met 3 people. He was one. I love meeting people but I just canít anymore. And Iím sure this will elicit eye rolls because I sound ridiculous. Iím closer to 50 than 40 but I do get lots of attention IRL and OLD. Not like a hot 25 year old woman trust me. Iím not delusional :-) I know looks fade-I know Iím at the tail end of this. I am considered conventionally very attractive for my age. I just donít think I need to go out with another fitness model, actor, musician, artist, runway model, firefighters, former NBA practice squad players, news anchors, adult film actors (I found this out after a couple of dates) or fitness enthusiasts. And thatís all great. They have all been nice humans and some I really clicked with as people. Those are the only people who ask me out, though. I am not dumb. I know what the 30 year olds want. I do not get attached easily nor do I pursue. I have never been called needy or clingy. Quite the opposite. I try to work on being more vulnerable. I could write a book and Iíve only online dated for a total of less than 3 months in 6 years. I meet men fairly easily for a person who doesnít OLD and rarely leaves her house. Iím not into looks. I just want someone Iím attracted to and vice versa who is also happy with his life. I donít care what he does for a living but hopefully heís happy with it. I donít care how much money he has because money doesnít buy happiness. I. Am. Done. And I need to make peace with it. My self esteem is shot. And I am very empathetic to men because I know they are expected to make the first move. Or to ask women out. And I totally understand that they get rejected often and I hate hearing that. I hate it when women are rude to men and treat them badly. I just canít do it anymore though.

I know that Iím a bit worked up because bomb drop is five days after my birthday and my birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. I just wish that I had found someone by now. And I think deep down inside I know Iím not going to. And Iím just struggling with that. So Iím sorry for being whiny. Iím crying and hopefully this too shall pass.

Sorry for the rant. I hope December is a great month for everyone. Love and positive energy to you all.


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909617
12/01/20 03:24 PM
12/01/20 03:24 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Offline
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bttrfly  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,938
Massachusetts
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

sometimes all i need is a hug and someone to listen.

let it out. let it go. it's ok.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

One, Two, Three, Give it to God
Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909621
12/01/20 04:55 PM
12/01/20 04:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
Awww girl - I know how frustrating it is. And not easy with kids. And your ex is a narcissistic idiot.

Maybe once the pandemic is over, you can get a trusted girlfriend to vet your online picks for you? You don't seem to have a well-tuned antennae for weeding out the chaff. Or you can get involved in some groups that might lead to meeting single guys naturally.

And in the meantime - other relationships can fill some of those voids. My BFF fills a lot of the "sounding board" role that a spouse used to fill. Friends provide companionship. Put more effort into those relationships.

Take the focus off of dating for the present. It's too hard in a pandemic anyway. (Although you can screen future dates by asking them whether they wore a mask in the pandemic. All the Covid deniers you can eliminate in one fell swoop).

Sorry too about the job insecurity. It's a tough time to be putting feelers out, right before Xmas, but might be a good idea to start networking a bit at least. And figuring out how best to make yourself indispensible at work if you prefer to stay after the acquisition.

It's just a lot. I get it. And you are in the thick of it with your kids right now with an ex who is useless.

Let me just tell you, you are NOT nearing any kind of end of your attractiveness. I only started dating again in my early 50's after my divorce and it was NOT a problem.

Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: kml] #2909648
12/02/20 12:59 AM
12/02/20 12:59 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
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DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,865
Midwest
Originally Posted by kml
Take the focus off of dating for the present. It's too hard in a pandemic anyway. (Although you can screen future dates by asking them whether they wore a mask in the pandemic. All the Covid deniers you can eliminate in one fell swoop).


OMG SMH. Look at me talking in acronyms. LOL. Did it again. But seriously, tossing out the Trump supporters will already cut the prospect pool in half, then there is the ant-lock down crowd, or those who donít worship at the mask alter, although Iím sure there will be some crossover there. Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe itís a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.

GB, I get it. Ive been through it which is in part why I gave up on OLD long ago and do not regret it in the least. But there are still other ways and other potentials out there to meet people (as long as youíre not following advice to eliminate half the dating pool out of hand.) ghosting, not showing up , etc have become the norm. And the more it happens the more people think itís normal and okay to do. Heck it was done to me so why shouldnít I not do the same? I know you donít think that way but many do. Itís clear there are many sheep out there who just follow the crowd and it becomes learned behavior.

But Iíd hate for you to give up. Perhaps just alter your methods. And I do agree with KML to have someone help you. Youíve not posted a huge amount and it is all online so what can I know for sure but I do have to wonder if your picker is off? You may well be picking the wrong guys. Yeah, there are a lot of wrong guys to pick but you seem to maybe be attracted to them. I have to wonder how many good guys you might be passing by because they are not fitness models, athletes, musicians or firefighters (even though I am both lol) the more time passes the pickier many of us get. That effects things. Itís much harder to find the right fit in someone but it can be done. Donít give up totally.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909650
12/02/20 01:37 AM
12/02/20 01:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Quote
Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe itís a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.


Sorry Don - it would actually make it easier for me, by eliminating people who I am obviously completely morally and politically incompatible with.

Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: kml] #2909660
12/02/20 04:34 AM
12/02/20 04:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 273
Midwest
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harvey Offline
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harvey  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 273
Midwest
Originally Posted by kml
Quote
Going to really make finding someone even harder, especially for those who believe itís a numbers game, when half the group is dismissed out of hand.


Sorry Don - it would actually make it easier for me, by eliminating people who I am obviously completely morally and politically incompatible with.


I'm with Don. I've dated great women who I'm politically incompatible with. In two days it will be the second anniversary of my divorce to a woman that I was politically compatible with. I've been dating a woman for 15 months who I'm somewhat politically incompatible with (she's more left than me, but not a corona hysteric). You'd be surprise if you opened your mind and tried to understand other people's points of view more--instead of writing people off for a belief that matters little in the grand scheme of things (dating-wise). Most people aren't as rigid about politics as you seem to be.

Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909704
12/02/20 07:31 PM
12/02/20 07:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
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kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
Politics matter to me as a reflection of someone's values, and personally, I would not be happy with someone whose values varied so much from mine. I realize other people may not care about those things, and that's fine for them, but to me, someone whose politics embrace misogyny, racism and homophobia, or who just doesn't CARE that they vote for people who enact policies that endorse those things, would not be likely to be someone I could be happy with. Just as I wouldn't likely be happy living with a smoker. Someone who doesn't care that they voted for people who endorsed a ruling that doctors can refuse to care for my trans son just because he's trans, does not share enough values with me to be compatible. And I'd prefer to know that up front. Those people would not likely be happy with me either.

Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909733
12/03/20 01:24 AM
12/03/20 01:24 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,531
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,531
Canada
I tend to agree with kml - but then both of us are fairly passionate about a number of issues that others may view differently. Specifically around what we think of as "human rights"

With that said, if as an individual you don't feel as strongly about such things, like in my case smoking - which I regard as a dirty habit but one that I regard closer to the "personal choice" line - then that's your own thing. Other people may believe strongly in their particular version of religion and that needs to be their own boundary.

I think that the key take-away is that if a potential partner either has a strong view on an issue that is opposed to your own or visa versa then it is important to try to get those things out of the way early. Which is tough - because some people with controversial views tend to keep them quiet especially when they are trying to impress the other person. It took a long time for me to find out that my now former fiancť is anti-vaccination - at least as far as the influenza vaccine goes. I chose to go along with that because she didn't dismiss my own beliefs but it certainly was something that would have been a black mark if I'd known it earlier.

The key thing I think is respect. Do you respect the other person's opinions even if you disagree with them. And I'm not talking tolerant amusement but recognizing that this particular thing is important and also treating it with respect and as important even if it isn't your own "thing".

One very important thing to recognize when out in the dating pool (and I know that this is going to cause a bunch of forehead smacking) is that we have the agency to choose or reject any potential partner who comes along based on whatever is important to us. And as I've learned through painful experience, initial impressions combined with rose-coloured glasses and optimism isn't enough.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Big Hair. Donít Care [Re: Georgiabelle] #2909734
12/03/20 01:59 AM
12/03/20 01:59 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,543
Yes - and finding those things out before you start dating, or before it gets very far, is kinder on everyone all around.

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