Having a tribe here in the forum can add to your support and growth. creating one, can be done by venturing to others threads and sharing support and guidance. This helps in many ways. When you are supporting others, you help them...and you help yourself, because it is hard to share wisdom without practicing it...
Venture out a bit. Helping others returns 100 fold...
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Today he called nonstop about signing over a disclaimer claim for a house he wants to buy. No. 1 that is not my problem that you want to buy a house at this time as the our Ds can be fine in an apartment. I wont sign off until he signs off on our marital home. He was acting very nice because its all manipulation. I told him not to ask me anymore if I trust him because he is choosing to D me and so those two words should not be in the same sentence.
I think this is an opportunity for you to set a boundary and then enforce that you don't want to discuss it. There is absolutely no reason why he should be getting a new house by himself in the middle of a divorce.
On another note, i saw on here you were also having issues when he come over to the house for visits. I think letting him over to your place for visitation while you are there is a bad idea. Why can't he bring the kids over where he is staying (his sister's i think i read)? That way, your interaction with him is less.
On the other hand, i guess your couch is behind that, but with the understanding that you detach i suppose? Know your limits though.
Originally Posted By: winner
I do not see any other way but to involve a mediator with finances because I feel like I am going to get screwed over. The hard part is holding your ground and self respect along with trying to DB and show them the best sides of you. HELP
Keep in mind that a mediator is supposed to have both of your interests at heart. If you want someone to look after your interests, get yourself a lawyer.
When my XW first started talking divorce, she wanted it all done my a mediator..easy, quick, and she kept saying amicable as i've seen you say in your thread(s). Quite frankly, IMO divorce shouldn't be a easy out for anyone to just have an amicable divorce where everyone is happy with the outcome. My thought are why even say the vows if you are going to abandon them with such ease?
The underlying thing is that if you are mired in these details and talking with him over these details, you will have an even more difficult time detaching. Even with a lawyer providing me advice and the W and I not directly talking to each other about these details, just the thought of the details made it hard for me to detach. I can only imagine what you must be putting yourself through.
Originally Posted By: winner
People come to these forums to find support. I know for me this was the main reason as well as to hear success stories. The reconciliation stories are hopeful but are few and then sometimes I feel defeated.
Looking for hope in the reconciliation stories was what led me to this as well as any other forum that had such stories. It felt good to see someone have it work after doing the work to make it happen even if the stats showed it is quite rare.
On a sidenote, i even got kind of a success story from my lawyer as well. She said that she had represented clients again in a couple of divorces where the couple had gotten back together. Looking at it from the perspective of this forum, that would tell me that if you don't improve yourself (and the other S doesn't improve as well), then you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes. This would also apply if someone remarried without taking some lessons from what went wrong during the D.
Then i look at the thread of people and see that the key to most of the successes was because the people in the marriage both improved themselves. Me, i think i've improved, but i see that even now, i still need improvement. SH has been giving you good advice and pointing you in the direction of improving yourself.
Anyway, i hang in there!
Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10; HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17 Kids Together D4, D1.52 W Moves Out: 03/16/17 W Files : 03/17/17 D Final: 10/23/17
