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A Message from Michele
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Re: Should I depose wifeís OM? Will not admit A. [Re: Manny] #2778107
02/07/18 01:19 PM
02/07/18 01:19 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
V
Vanilla Offline
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Vanilla  Offline
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V
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,852
UK
Yes, shift.

Anger almost guarantees it.

Ironically you will in due course be grateful for OM. That seems crazy, and it is.

With this sort of behaviour and attitude when the wayward has an OP it makes moving on, letting go much easier. This bad behaviour is easier to go FIT.

That doesn't always make it easy to manage.

Get yourself an L, interview L. Choose one you can work with who is used to crazy. And cards, close chest any order.

You may want to file first. No more Mr Nice Guy, if you are done then the key is to get out with least damage and your children.

I know that this board is pro M, and often we stand for M even if not for the WS. For those values.

However you can't stay with crazy and contempt is a killer.

Now you know then you can't unknow. You have a recording and a reality checker.

You are a great H, you would not be here working it through if you weren't.

Healing starts today.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: Should I depose wifeís OM? Will not admit A. [Re: Vanilla] #2778172
02/08/18 07:29 AM
02/08/18 07:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Yes, shift.

Get yourself an L, interview L. Choose one you can work with who is used to crazy. And cards, close chest any order.


You may want to file first. No more Mr Nice Guy, if you are done then the key is to get out with least damage and your children.

I just filed I couldn't take all the waiting around anymore especially after I heard how i'm being talked about when I'm not around

I know that this board is pro M, and often we stand for M even if not for the WS. For those values.

However you can't stay with crazy and contempt is a killer.

I think thats just it, she says she's done nothing that she wishes she has just to get back at me, but what sane person pretends to be in an affair? She says it's her pride that keeps her from proving me wrong, like all she would need to do is show me her phone that's it, If i'm wrong about this then it would be her fault for not letting me see.

Now you know then you can't unknow. You have a recording and a reality checker.

You are a great H, you would not be here working it through if you weren't.

Thank you.

Healing starts today.

V


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778211
02/08/18 01:36 PM
02/08/18 01:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
MrBond Offline
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MrBond  Offline
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M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Going back through your posts, all I've seen are you focussing on your W's A. Prior to that, there must have been real red flags. Be honest. What were some of the things that you did that may have contributed to the marriage problems. Now I'm going to say that there is absolutely never a good reason or excuse for someone to have an affair. So your W is never justified for that.

Also, I was curious. You said the two of you were previously married. What were some of the issues in hers and yours past marriages that contributed to the D?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: MrBond] #2778231
02/09/18 01:56 AM
02/09/18 01:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Yes I do recognize that at the moment Iíve been focusing on the A because of all the pain it has brought me. But of course I know I had a big part in allowing our R get so poor. My issues have been that at times I can be controlling and a little too sarcastic, sometimes I would make jokes at my wifeís expense and other time I would dimenish the way she was feeling. I wish I could take all that back and have been a more sensitive husband. However she has some issues as well that not only went silent she also never acknowledge them. She was the type that never apologized which drove me nuts I was always the one that had to smooth things over.

I would say on my previous marriage I had the same issues just with a different person, I did not learn from my mistakes. According to her she says that her relationship was good with her ex except for the part where he was verbally abusive with her kids. I have to improve myself, I no longer want to care for the A. Iíve stopped trying to find out and Iím not going to try and depose her OM unless legally itís benefecial to me which I donít think it is here since Iím in a no fault state.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778277
02/09/18 08:29 AM
02/09/18 08:29 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Well she was served the D papers last night and hasnít said a word to me about them. I also found out by my attorney that she tried to put a restraining order on me for stalking her. I have not been stalking her and the request was denied however we will have to go to a hearing on the 20th so that she can try and convince the judge that i canít be around her. She is trying really hard to make the cause of all of her problems. Sheís going to make me less open to compromise during mediation. I wonder if WW always stay angry or do they eventually lift from this fog and regret what they have done? Iím not holding my breath, Iíve been good to this women not the best partner but always respectful with lots a love.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778376
02/10/18 05:14 PM
02/10/18 05:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Sheís now started to stay out of the home overnight. Before it was just a couple of hours today is the first time I see her take the whole night off. I feel that sheís been trying things little by little to see how I react.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778441
02/11/18 10:10 PM
02/11/18 10:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
It just frustrate me that sheís carrying on with this sleezy behavior right in front of me. I have no idea whereís she going but sheís obviously acting like sheís up to no good. And Iím wondering whatís getting me mad, is it the fact that I donít know what sheís doing or is it that Iím thinking sheís with someone else or the combination of both? Iíve already accepted that we are getting the D, so what sheís does shouldnít matter, I guess it bothers more when imagine sheís with the OM, like couldnít she just wait a little longer to continue this dam relationship like after the D. But a know a WW doesnít do anything rational, I can not wait till I no longer have to be around her anymore.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778507
02/12/18 07:41 AM
02/12/18 07:41 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
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M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Well Just saw the OM at work, WW and I work at the same place but difference office, the OM is a co worker of hers and he sometimes has to come to my office. I starred at him for a while then he looked away, it took everything in me not to say anything. But really what for? I once drafted a letter to send to his boss, but then at the last minuted decided not to, I think someone pointed out thats controlling behavior and does nothing to make me feel better other then out right revenge. Let this thing run it's course, and if she's that rotten to her core then I wouldn't want her anyway, let the OM have her. It's just hard not thinking about her and what she's done, every day does get a bit better even if its a small amount. Time will heal all.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778684
02/14/18 05:10 AM
02/14/18 05:10 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
M
Manny Offline OP
Member
Manny  Offline OP
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 38
Well I was served papers today for a restraining order, the temporary order was rejected by the judge so now we have to go to a hearing where she will have to prove that a restraining order is necessary. This has all gotten out of hand, more lawyers, more money. She won't even talk to me on the phone to try and bring things down a notch. This women is nuts, I don't recognize her anymore and she says i've put her through so much stress, and takes no responsibility for what she has put me through. I'm starting to really hate her.


M:5 T:7
Me: 43, Wife: 43
Sx2: 8,8
D:5
BD: 1/13
Filed 2/07
Re: My confession to my Step-son 24 [Re: Manny] #2778695
02/14/18 07:23 AM
02/14/18 07:23 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
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Steve85 Offline
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Steve85  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 5,701
Manny sorry man. I hope you will learn from this. For me the lightbulb was how your relationship with her started. I know that you feel guilty, but now you know why they say "if they will cheat with you then they will cheat on you." Grow from this and make sure your next relationship is founded on principles. I am not saying this to bash you (or her) but to point out that relationships are hard enough when things are done the right way.

I will keep you in my prayers and pray that the restraining order is denied.


M(50), W(51),D(15)
M-20, T-22 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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