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Lou,

Could well be that he is backing out of this thing but just unable to pull the band aid. You can't really know (and he probably doesn't other). The great thing with you is that you are out there living your life. Finding humor, rather than bitterness, makes the situation more bearable and helps you maintain that lovely outlook.

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LouR Offline OP
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Thank you AndrewP and OneArt for stopping by and your comments.

Andrew - I look at the women he has chosen and they have issues; both of them chased him and then didn't give him the freedom he desires, they are attracted to the lifestyle he can afford them and their kids, unfortunately he hasn't worked this out yet, He now says that he doesn't want to play family with someone else's kids which is a change in what he has said in the past, i am not sure how he is going to achieve his goal of finding his " long and fulfilling relationship" with this stance as most women of his age group have children or want to have more children, so his selection pool has become much smaller!

I will look up the book you suggested, it may give me some inspiration. I do intend on visiting Canada, I am not sure how far I will get on this visit, i have not set my route yet. I am not sure of the board rules about you telling me where you live so I can see where you are, perhaps job can advise on this?

OneArt - Thank you for your post, welcome to my story! History of the breakup with ow1 and my bd2 tells me that you are probably right, he can not face another failed relationship. The guilt from hurting yet another person due to his inability to stop and think before he acts is more than he wants to deal with, so coming to a compromise of dating would ease his conscience. i think she has done her panic " what can I do to keep him" so suggested dating to remain in his life and take him back to the beginning again. Whatever happens, nothing has changed, she still has the traits and family he does not like, so how can it ever end up a happy union ......

Haha, Bitterness, oh I have bouts of that occasionally, mainly surrounding money and his career. I try to look at it this way - what does me being bitter achieve? It doesn't gain me any of the things I have lost from him leaving, so whats the point of spending my energy on it. My life has changed so much since I was thrown on to this new path, I landed without elegance and a triple somersault, it was more like a crash landing, skidding along the gravel peeling the skin off all my limbs leaving rawness and pain, but the wounds are healing, it s taking a lot of time and processing, but it has started to happen and i realize that it is me that has changed, my thoughts and ideals are very different from when I was in a relationship with a guy who suppressed me. So now my life is not about him, its about me and finding out who I am and what I want out of life. I have a long long way to go and I still have lots of low periods, but I am starting to enjoy this adventure of discovery I am on.

Love and Hugs xoxo

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Hi Lou, I don’t know if Ive ever posted to you but I follow along. I read your post about Amtrak and I don’t have first hand experience but I’ve heard the Zepyr is a nice train trip (Colorado west at least) so I thought I would mention it.

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Hi all, been a while, uneventful time until this week, it's like buses, none for ages and all come at once!!

I haven't been feeling well for a while now, physically and mentally a mess, so finally went to the dr who did bloods and X-rays, turns out my thyroid is out of whack (didn't get the numbers but will do) so my meds have been doubled for 3 days a week and normal dose on the rest, feeling better already but know it takes a while for it to adjust.

The past few weeks at work have been hard going - not helped by me being extremely fatigued and mentally exhausted, I know now that my thyroid has a lot to do with it, but it's also not the best job in the world. Anywhoo, on Tuesday I resigned, I have saved well and can survive, my manager was shocked and sad about my decision, later that day he came to me, he had spoken to the owners and they wanted to offer me a new position with a pay rise (it put me on more than the duty managers!) I thought about it over night and decided that the role really wasn't what I wanted so shocked them all again by saying thank you but no. Today they came back to me asking me to train my replacement who starts tomorrow and would I consider staying on until mid Jan running a team in the stockroom for the higher pay rate, giving them time to find something else for me .......ur, yep I will, easier job for more money, thank you kindly haha.

Then this evening h rang me out of the blue. He has not rang me for 2 yrs, has always been occasional emails, he spoke to me for longer than he did at the wedding (which was about 10mins!). He started off about s21 and his latest idiotic plan and did I know about it and were we on the same page how to procede. I listened to him, said a few things but generally let him talk as i don't think he actually wanted my opinion, especially if it is opposite to his. He then asked how I am and how work is going - so I told him about work and how I just negotiated a pay rise and I am doing ok. I asked him how he is; he said good, his job is great and he told me about it, life is good, busy and always doing something, ugh lol I said "that's good" and 35mins later he said he had to go as he was giving a driving lesson to a friends daughter (he is a qualified driving instructor and saved many a parent/child relationship lol)

The most odd conversation. He could have written it in an email or really not at all, we haven't really co parented for a very long time. He chatted to me like we talk all the time, free and easy, most bizarre lol. Why is it that just when you let go of them and start to move on with life and they are not so much in your thoughts do they reappear and for the oddest of reasons. Bizarre.

Spoke to s21 about the issue, but made sure I did not mention his dad had just spoken to me about it, s21 mentioned that his dad is a bit up and down on him, but thinks it's because his dad is no longer seeing ow2 that it's over so all his attention is on s21 and not anyone else at the moment ..... Until the next one comes along ......

So that's really been it for the life of Lou, just doing my thing and plodding along, no real plans just seeing what comes my way and make decisions as and when I need to.

Love n hugs to everyone xoxox

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LOU!! (runs over with a big hug).

Thanks for checking in.

Sorry to hear that you've not been doing well. Hopefully your new meds will turn around both your health and your outlook on everything else.

I'm glad that the phone call didn't throw you too badly. I have no idea how I would deal with something similar - other than poorly.

Hopefully the warm weather I hope you are getting will let you ramble along the beaches enjoying the beauty all around you.

(((LouR)))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Lou,

I am so glad you posted an update. I am so sorry that your thyroid is acting up. Hopefully your physician will get you back up and on your feet in no time.

As for the job...you did the right thing in advising them that you were quitting. Your health and happiness are far more important than trying to work a job when you aren't well. Who knows...they just might find you a better position and more money in the mix. I'll keep my fingers crossed for good things to come.

As for your h, they tend to poke their heads out when the holidays are approaching. I've seen this happen quite often. He's thinking about you often and it took quite a bit of nerve to ring you up. You may not hear from him again for another 30 days or so...but I think he will contact you again before the holiday season is over.

Lou, please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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LouR Offline OP
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ANDREW !! (hugs you back) Great to hear from you, thank you for dropping by.

Im slowly feeling better and although we have had a run of Spring rains it is warming up nicely. I have been going to the beach most days off and the seals have started to come up the Beach to bask in the warm sands, it's lovely to see them.

Job - thank you for your words, as always I very much appreciate your wisdom. Only h knows why he felt the need to ring me rather than email, I get the impression he wasnt getting through to s21 himself so called in the hope I would be able to. He text me this morning to say that he was too late in contacting me and that s21 has taken a large loan out and bought a car. I would not have been able to persuade s21 against it anyway, I gave him my opinion and advice, I suggested alternative options, but he chose to go ahead anyway, it's his decision, an informed one, so the consequence ,if any, will be solely on him now; but h does not see it like that and is very upset and disappointed in s21.

We text again this afternoon, only about what s21 has done and why he feels so angry at him, I know he is going to talk to s21 tonight so expect an update at some point, After it has calmed down I don't expect to hear from h again, but who knows, he seems to dip in and out as he pleases. It doesn't bother me as much these days, I don't read anything in to it anymore, just know that something is not going right in his life at that time for him to have the need to hear from me. One day he may actually be honest ....... see that flying pig haha

Love and hugs xoxo

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hi Sweetheart, I hope you're feeling better every day. Well done on taking care of yourself and well done on not letting communication with h throw you for a loop.i just read the reconnection post job re-posted and thought it is a touch and go, good for you not to get sucked in.

much love - update when you can xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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LouR Offline OP
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Hello bttrfly, really wonderful to hear from you.

I definately feel better than I was, the next few weeks are going to be a challenge at work as it will be very busy, but I have the knowledge that I can go on a trip once I finish there.

It's been an eventful week, started off at 7.45pm last Sunday with a text from h asking me if I had heard from s21, to which I replied no. The conversation continued for a while as it emerged that s21 did something very silly (not dangerous) and is suspended for work pending an investigation. After a couple of texts I ran out of things to say, it's hard to be cool, sympathetic and friendly when all I want to say is ". Welcome to the last 4 years of my life with no help from you, but now it's your turn I suddenly exsist again" but I didn't, just didn't reply. Next day the texts started early and continued throughout the day. Still on the subject of s21 - seriously, you are his dad, parent him. ..... Anywhoo, s21 was fired sigh, he has picked up some agency work until Christmas and then who knows, I don't worry too much, h needs to take responsibility for him.

Then today I went on a forklift course (passed it wooohoooo !!) I was so underprepared, only having had 15mins on a forklift at work yesterday ( this is the rubbish company I work for) but was really proud of myself for getting through the course and gaining another string to my bow. I took a photo of my certificate and sent it to S21, 2 minutes later h texts me "forklift licence eh? That's not something I ever thought I'd hear. (laughing emojis )" So s21 must have shown him my text photo, he beat s21 to a reply!! We ended up in a text conversation, but thankfully I was out tonight at a leaving do so I have not replied to his last one, again I really have nothing to say to him.

It feels good that I am able to show that I am doing just fine without him, I have achieved something that he never expected from me. I don't have any expectations of it being anything other than what it, some texts from him when it suits him. But it's hard not to let the mind wonder occasionally, "what if " and be a bit intrigued by this latest resurface. However I do come back to the person he is and how he has treated me pretty quickly, those scars have yet to fully heal.

So had a really lovely evening, a big group of us from work out for a leaving do drinks, lots of laughing and chatting, felt good to be social. I start my new days and hours next week, only 4 weeks left, really should start thinking about what's next at some point ..... Nah, why change, will probably just wing it as usual haha

Love and hugs to all xoxo

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LouR Offline OP
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Hi everyone

Dropping by with a quick update and to Wish everyone a very Happy Christmas

I have been working as Storeman for the past week, it's been crazy busy, anyone would think the supermarket is shutting forever, not for just one day!! But I have survived it and now have two days off to enjoy with my boys and new daughter in law.

H continues to text every few days, finding reasons to start a conversation and keep it going for a while. He asks me questions, mainly about my job and we share in jokes and memories, I try to keep it light and don't ask him much. I did ask him how everything is going to which he replied good thanks and then added the days off he gets over the next two weeks. I know I will be put back on the shelf when he finds someone else so I don't put much weight behind this latest appearance from him. Tonight he contacted s24 and asked if he can come and stay this coming weekend, it will be the first time he has visited the house and stayed with s24. S24 did run it by me first which I thought was very kind of him, and I said I am fine with it, it is his house so he should be able to have his dad to stay if he wishes. So I now have h visit to get through, I'm sure it will be fine, just like the wedding was, plus we won't be staying in the house together as I live in the sleep out in the garden. It will be strange seeing him again and I know it will most likely bring up some emotions for me, but I have to remain as composed as possible while he is around and then deal with feelings afterwards.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of my DB friends this Christmas, I know for many it will be a hard time, please be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to be ok if you are feeling blue or overwhelmed. Enjoy the moment and festivities for these pockets of happy times will keep you going.

Wishing you a Very Happy and Safe Christmas, with all my love to each and everyone of you xoxo

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