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I found what your s said to be very endearing. I could hear that he has that same kindness you have in you! Your value is not measured by your bank account and your s knows it.

So pleased to hear the wedding was so nice. And it's so nice to hear an update.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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{{{hugs}}} darling Lou xoxoxo Congrats on what sounds like a truly beautiful wedding. Your son has his priorities straight - great job Mom!!! I wish I could see a photo of you in your special "happy day" dress - I bet you were radiant! You sound like you've turned another corner, Lou. I'm glad for an update. much love, as always xoxoxo -B.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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LouR Offline OP
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Thank you job, AndrewP, HaWho and Bttrfly for your replies, I know I have great kids, fortunately ones who see right through their dad!

Well what an eventful week it has been! All on the H front and for me big lows and highs.

On Tuesday I received an email from h, it was his birthday the week before and I had sent him an email wishing him a nice day and said it was nice to see him at the wedding and what a lovely day it was and hope all is good with him. He did not reply, which was unusual for him but I did not think anything more of it.

Tuesday I receive an email in the evening from him replying to my email, he wrote that things are not great with him and he is now living with s21. So I asked s24 if he had heard from his dad and did he know what has happened. It all came out, turns out that h has had OW2 for about a year, they moved in together shortly after meeting and have decided to buy a house together.

Talk about a hit between the eyes, i had absolutely no idea that OW2 existed and the fact they are buying a house together?? The plot then thickens as I replied to H pretending I knew none of this and said that I hoped that everything was ok with him and his house - meaning his rental. He replied within minutes:

H " Got myself in to a bit of a pickle. Was gently going along with buying a house, went unconditional (point of no return otherwise lose deposit) on Thursday. Guess that shook me awake and realized life wasn't what I wanted. Talked about it, not much fun as you appreciate and decided to end it. Moved in to s21 for some space. I can afford the house by myself but its more than I would comfortably like and I have used my pension scheme (you can use it towards a house) as my deposit. Its not a house I would buy for myself and will need to get a couple of lodgers in once I can afford to fit it out with the basics. Hoping bank comes back that I can have a solo mortgage and no complications with removing her from the paperwork. Well thats me f$$%^ things up again, I should come with a government health warning"

Me" Oh, Im confused, are you seeing someone?"

H : ah, yes, about a year now"

I was dying inside and laughing all at the same time, could not control the range of emotions happening to me.

S21 spoke to me last night, h met her last year, they dated for a couple of months and then decided to move in together. She has two kids and according the boys their relationship was very odd and more like flatmates than partners. She liked the best of everything, spends spends and of course his wage could sustain that lifestyle. He loved the status but not the person that went with it. S21 also said that he had never seen his dad so quiet and under the thumb, he wasn't allowed to watch his programmes, they always had to be out doing something, she ruled the house.

H then told me that the reason he ended it " I wasn't happy in the relationship, felt I was the one that was always compromising/tolerating things and it built resentment. And didn't really want a family other than our boys, just comes as part of the package it seems. Single life is definitely easier, its only down to me if I am happy or not and no one else to consider". He said that he hadn't been happy for a long time, he buried his head in the sand and now can see that dating someone and actually living with someone are very different and everyone comes with baggage ... ...

Since then he has emailed to tell me the bank has agreed to a solo mortgage and s21 and s21 g/friend is going to move in short term to help out, plus they will bring all their belongings so he will have the basics for the house. They all move in in 2 weeks time.

The boys were a bit surprised he contacted me and so quickly, I am too; I am not enough for him to tell me he was with someone, or tell me he was buying a house, but I am enough for him to reach out to when it all goes wrong. Its de ja vu - the exact same thing as last time ... only that time he instigated his (disastrous) return. This time I have not jumped on it, I have remained friendly but not asked any questions about the relationship and only general questions about the house buying. I am concious that he is just using me and will have no problem dropping me out of his life when something/one else comes along.

All I can think is what an oddball she must have been, I mean who would rush in to moving in with a guy after only dating a few weeks and who would buy a house with a married man, because technically we still are. Red flags would be going up everywhere and I would run a mile if I met a man who was still married after 4 years separation!!

Anyway, I am ok, I try and see the amusing side of it all, it is funny really, such a disaster for him and his house and sad bank balance will serve as a reminder every day of her and the mess he got himself in to ...... again ....... Wonder if he will learn anything or if we be having the same conversation next year, when he has moved someone in to his house and cant get rid of her hahahaha ......... should have stuck with me, I look completely amazing and normal compared to the nut jobs he picks.

So that's been my week. Emotionally taken a hit but generally feel ok at the moment. Glad I have s24 in my corner, he has been totally amazing and just shakes his head at the whole thing. S21 just laughs at it all, thinks his dad has completely lost it and finds the mess he is making of his life highly amusing.

Thanks for taking the time to read, love and hugs to everyone xoxo

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LOL - I'm glad you can find the humour in this LouR

If nothing else, I'm glad you can keep your distance and perspective about this nonsense. He perhaps indeed should come with warning labels.

I'm sure this is hitting you in hard and odd ways beyond the light way you wrote so sending you a big bear hug (((LouR)))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Wow. A year, OM2, a house.

To see that we really do not know what is going on, they are so secretive. He is just making a bigger and bigger mess of things.

They do pick the nuttiest of the nutjobs, who else is going to get involved with them in their current state.

Thank you for continuing to update and share, very illuminating and helpful.


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Lou,

I am so proud of you! You didn't jump right in when he told you about his situation. It just goes to show all of us that they aren't happy and are not thinking properly.

The woman saw him as a sugar daddy and one that she could bleed dry. He was the goose that was laying the golden eggs. She didn't care if he was married or not..just as long as the money was rolling in and she could spend it. Has he learned his lesson? I think not. He will continue to hit the brick wall until one day...he'll realize that the wall is stronger than he is and he will need to open the door to reality and step thru to figure himself out.

Lou...hang in there!


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Lol - I have to admit I chuckled at that. Be careful what you wish for MLCers.

Yesterday I was watching an Australian show called Please Like Me (think it's Australian) and the main character is a 20 year old man who has to move back in with his suicidal mother just as he's coming to grips with his homosexuality. His father had left his mother after 20 years of marriage, has the MLC Porsche sportscar and a Thai girlfriend who is totally manipulative and b!tchy to him (the father) and constantly making backhanded insults about him. In one scene she is Skyping with her parents in Thailand while he's there and they say in Thai "You're right, his face DOES look like a scrotum!".

I had to laugh because my ex left after 26 years and is now married to a much younger Asian woman. I don't actually think she's like this - she seems kinda sweet and childish - but it was a pretty funny bit about MLCers regretting what they've gotten.

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Aww thanks guys for your support and replies.

AndrewP - thank you for the bear hug, its gratefully received.

DnJ - I am really surprised it managed to stay quiet for so long. He asked the boys not to tell me and that he would tell me in his own time and then as time went by the boys didn't want to say anything as they knew I would be upset by the news. It really does show how they compartmentalize their life, several different worlds going on, it must be exhausting keeping them all separate.

job - Thank you for your praise, it means a lot coming from you. This has been a recurring theme with him, he jumps in to things, justifying it to himself and to those around him, and when it turns to custard he licks his wounds for a while before starting the process all over again. This latest one is the worst yet, I am still dumbfounded at what he has done, I can only imagine what is next ...... stuttering " i have made a mistake" at the alter ...... should not joke about it, it really could happen !!

kml - thank you for dropping by. I will have to look up the programme, it sounds funny. My dad could be a character on it, he moved to Thailand and became a sugar daddy to 2 women, one he bought a farm for so she could grow and sell rice and the other he built her a house. He now lives in the Philippines in a condo that sits out over the sea, he bought a house in the city for his g/friend and is putting her kids through boarding school, all of these women are younger than me! He is 73 !!!!!

I think the saddest conversation this week has been from s21, he said that he now hopes that his dad never wakes up from this as he fears that the guilt and sadness from seeing the destruction and pain he has caused to himself and those close to him will send him in to a deep depression and he would kill himself. It really tugged on my heart to hear him thinking this. Up until now both boys have just rolled their eyes at their dads antics, but this latest seems to make them see him in a different light, s24 is over it and doesn't want much to do with his dad anymore and s21 is now really concerned that his dad is pushing himself towards a deep black hole. Its like a soap opera that has really bad plot lines and acting but you cant help but tune in for the next episode.

Love and hugs to you all xoxo

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Hi Everyone,

I have decided to go in to film writing, specifically a cheesy soap with really bad actors in it, I have plenty of experiences to draw from hahaha

So h now officially owns a house, he moved in a couple of weeks ago and s21 and his g/friend moved in with him last weekend, they are staying until January and then h will get a lodger to help pay the mortgage ....... i don't believe it one bit. He is now "dating" ow2, she has agreed to meet up with him twice a week, no family and no commitment ??!! So this woman who he has lived with, played happy families with, bought her dream house with and then dumped her at the 11th hour, has agreed to this, no agenda , so for 5 days a week he is single and free to do as he pleases .... and she doesn't have an agenda ...... OH PLEEAAASEEE hahahah the delusional state this guy is in is outstanding. To add to the seriously cheesy plot line, h mother has waded in as ow has been wah wah wah to her. Oh and another hilarious storyline - h took ow away to Thailand for a naughty 10 days and to get some dental treatment, anyway ow decides that it is time to meet h parents, so she arranges for them to fly to Thailand from the UK and surprise h .......bahahahahaha she doesn't know him at all, he can just about tolerate 24hrs in their company so hahahaha Sorry, it made me laugh so hard lol. So will he figure it out and dump her or will she get her expensive manicured fingernails in to his house ......dum dum dum ..... closing credits .....

Anyway, enough of the joviality, its serious stuff this mlc, not to be laughed at hehe On to another topic, me.

Thoughts are underway about what I want to do next year, I have been saving really well and hope to travel leaving after Easter. The latest thought is China (a short group tour) , USA and possibly a bit of Canada ,(on my own and do short tours at specific locations) I have been thinking about travelling by Amtrak, has anyone any thoughts or experience travelling this way around the country? Wade in if you have any thoughts or ideas for me, I am completely open to all suggestions and advice, how to travel, accommodation, places to visit, not to visit, everything welcome.. I don't have a time limit, I will be leaving my job as I want to move to somewhere where there are more options open to me on my return.

Love and Hugs to everyone xoxo

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Lou! I'm glad to hear from you and that you are finding some distance and humour.

You know, it's weird for me how there seem to be women out there who will enable the sort of madness like what your H is living.

Years ago I looked in to traveling by freighter thinking that it might be an inexpensive alternative to get from point A to B as long as you are willing to go slower. They actually do book passengers. It turns out that it's not any cheaper especially once you figure in the daily costs for meals etc but it did seem like a way to get around.

If you want to read a fascinating adventure look up "Miss Cindy Catamaran". I followed his story for a while (I build small boats too) and it looked fun but way out of my league. One thing that he did though was to buy a beat up old car for cheap, drove it from British Columbia to Mexico and then gave it away when he launched.

I wonder if buying a cheap car at your destination and then car camping / hosteling as long as the car keeps running would be a flexible way to adventure? I have no idea myself. I'm rather a homebody loving my little village and home. One problem I think with trains is that they only go where there are tracks.

If you do make it to Canada and my little village in the back of nowhere, I have a spare room you'd be welcome to use.

Hugs right back to you LouR!


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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