Sorry but a TSH of 2.7 is lousy for a thyroid patient on thyroid hormone. Should be 1.0 or below. Fertility research on hypothyroid patients shows they have the best chance of successful pregnancy if their TSH is around 1.0. If it works for pregnancy doesn't it make sense that the rest of us should be there too?
Btw the normal range for TSH is designed for screening patients to see if they have thyroid disease. It may not be the right range for managing thyroid patients in replacement.
At 2.7, about 85% of normal people have a lower TSH than you do. The
exh's was 17 when he walked out and hit 28 by the time he saw a different dr and went on a diffferent med, that he says started working almost immediately.
Lou, listen to Ellie - that is nothing to mess with. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you for your posts, I heard normal is around 2. I have had to fight to be put on the dose that I am on as they don't treat until you are over 10 here, so unless I go over 4 again I will not be heard, I have seen a few drs now and they all say the same.
Bttrfly - Geez, I cant imagine being 28 !!, my highest has been 7 and that wiped me out.
I have felt better than this at a higher level so I really do not think its thyroid, I feel its just me continually pushing against this process. I know having h dip in and out of my life is not helping matters, he has not been a nasty MLC'er at all, I don't get spew or extreme behaviors, just rejection. When we are in contact its easy, we fall in to conversation as easily as we fall out of it. Is this typical for a someone going through MLC?
Anyway, today I have been plodding through my online induction courses for my new job, only one left to do. I have to go and buy some shoes and pants for uniform and then am all set.
Hi Lou! I just thought I'd check in to see how the new job is working out and if you are settling down for winter there.
It's been an absolutely lovely summer here. I suppose we have to trade off.
((LouR))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi LouR - just checking in on you. It's been a while.
Hope that your spring-time is on the way after the long dark months of winter.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I know its been a while, I have been plodding along, nothing much to tell really. Work is; well a pay cheque .... thats about as exciting as it gets. Physically its a challenging job and I struggle towards the end of my work week, bruises on bruises, but its keeping me fit so there is an up side somewhere in this. No new jobs to apply for, it doesn't look promising so maybe will go to plan b, or in my case plan k by now haha
I am still living in s24 sleepout, i have a radiator and a hot water bottle to keep me warm on the cold winter nights; its actually a lovely little space and I feel quite at home in it. S24 has agreed for me to remain living in it until Easter next year, this will help me save money as renting on my current wage would have me living pay cq to pay cq with no room for any emergency, so this way I can build a buffer up. I am also toying with the idea of doing some extended travel next year, as lets face it I don't have anything else going for my life anymore.
S24 gets married in 2 weeks time, they appear to have everything sorted. H has decided to drive down to the location on the day and leave straight after dinner. It has upset s24 that h was not making the effort to stay like everyone else, and more because s21 was coming with him so would not be staying either, but since then s21 has decided to drive down on his own and stay in my accommodation with me. I have got my outfit - remember my Happy Day Dress that I bought when h first left, well its never been worn and I can just about still fit in it (I had lost oodles of weight when I bought it) so its finally going to be worn. Feelings wise, very apprehensive about seeing H again, it will be nearly 2 years since he left on bd2, but he wont be hanging around so I only have to get through a few hours with him. There will only be 8 of us at the wedding so its not a case of go talk to someone else and ignore he is there !!
On the H front, emails continued for a week beginning of June, just chit chat stuff really and then they stopped. He then emailed me a couple of days ago saying that he is giving me the rest of what he owes (not much so dont get excited), hoped things were ok with my job and how am I. I replied to his email, saying that it feels a bit sad about having the money in one lump sum instead of his current monthly payments as it feels like the last tie between us is being cut. He replied that its not the last tie, that we still have the boys connecting us, well s21 at least as s24 is barely talking to him these days, communication has fizzled out over this year and that s21 has said that its because s24 is seeing me having to live in his sleepout , alone and sees it as being h fault and that once i move out and become settled then he hopes s24 will come around again. BAHAHAHAHA seriously, what ??
s21 happened to be visiting at the weekend so I managed to get him alone for a while to talk to him about the email. He said that his dad kept asking him if he had heard from s24 and is he ok, and does he know why s24 is not talking to him anymore. He kept asking and asking until s21 got so fed up he just guessed at a reason. Well seems h has taken it as fact and now appears to blame me for s24 not talking to him anymore !!? Apparently h also said to s21 "doesn't s24 realize that I have suffered and struggled just as much as mum, I have had it just as hard, but I have picked myself up and got on with it, your mum had a really good job (laughable) and a lovely home (that I could not afford to stay in) , it was her choice to move, its not my fault its not worked out for her" ummmmmmm let me remind you of the promises to keep me safe and secure for the rest of my life if I gave up having a career to look after your children and following you around the world career chasing ...... grrrrrrr what does he think I should be doing - great job, fantastic wage, bought a home and found a new man ?!
Anyway, s21 just laughed at it, said that his dad lives in denial and that he puts on a happy front, says life is great to all around him, but he is just faking it until he makes it, as underneath it he is deeply confused, guilty and unhappy. I did write back explaining that I am staying in the sleepout through choice not necessity and whilst there is probably some merit to what s21 has told him that it goes deeper than that for s24 and he needs to work it out with him. Then I deleted the email as I feel that I am justifying myself to him and why should i have to do that?
He seems to pop up every now and then, finding a reason to say hi, the emails are less about the boys and more chit chat. As for me, I can't really be bothered about him anymore, I see him as following a pattern of chasing happiness and not finding it (the latest is to release his pension early and use it as a deposit to buy a house), I see the manipulation within his contact, so I have stepped right away, the focus is completely on me these days. I feel total panic that I dont have a secure future for my grey years. I see the poverty and hardship ahead of me and that scares me a lot. I am still very lost in what I want to do, where I want to be and who I want to be, I suppose the first step was to let go of h which I have done, now its the long and difficult road to discovering my own happiness and self.
So for now I am just going to work, taking walks on the beach and getting through the winter, looking forward to spring and some warmth again.
Thanks for the update LouR. It sounds like you are doing your best in trying times to firmly hold your chin up.
Keep your eyes open for ambergris You never know when you'll stumble across a life-changing treasure.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi Everyone, just wanted to let you know how my Son's wedding went,
We could not have asked for better weather, there was heavy snow fall the night before which covered the mountains and we woke to beautiful blue skies. The location they picked was a remote paddock overlooking a lake and the now snowy mountains. S24 took me to the site early in the morning and let me choose where they should stand and we set up the lectern that he designed and made together last week. He also asked me to be his witness which I was honored to be.
S21 and h arrived late morning on the day of the wedding, he greeted me with a hug and kiss on the cheek. He remained friendly and chatty most of the day, but generally stuck to talking and banter with both s. I made the suggestion that we take s24 out for brunch as a family, the last one as just the four of us, he was totally agreeable to this and despite me offering to split the bill he paid for the whole meal. He took the day quite seriously, making sure s24 did not get to see his bride before the ceremony (we were all staying in a large ski chalet) and ferried people to the site in a 4x4 as the terrain was not ok for cars. We both stood on s24 side next to each other and he recorded the vows to send to his parents who were waiting in the UK to see them. He asked me which way I was travelling home and when I said I was going to go through the ranges for a scenic drive back he said seriously " don't leave too early will you; the roads that way will be very icy, wait till the sun has defrosted them a bit"
He looks old, his beard is mostly grey now and he has deep lines in his face, his hairline is receding and he has a noticeable bald spot now. The last time I saw him he was super fit, but he has lost that muscle tone and looks quite chubby with a tummy on him. I didn't "feel" anything for him, in fact if I met him in at a party and i did not know him he is not someone I would probably talk to, he has this air of arrogance about him. He was on the sidelines, he didn't make much effort to engage with our new DIL family and looked distant at times. It was nothing bad, just noticeable that he was maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable.
I was chatty and friendly all day, just did my own thing and enjoyed the day very much. We were sat the opposite ends of the table for dinner, facing each other. At one point he looked at me and pointed to the side of his cheek, gesturing that I had something on mine, I mouthed thank you and he smiled. I caught him looking at me a few times, listening to the conversations I was having at my end of the table, which was mostly about different wines hahaha, he made a comment or two along the way, looked surprised I had become knowledgeable in wine and that I had been to a couple of concerts courtesy of my old event hire job. At the end of the meal (by this time there had been a lot of alcohol consumed as each course - 6 of them - had a paired wine plus we had toasts with bubbles and liquors) it was getting rather loud and a lot of laughing going on, h had not had much to drink as he was driving home, so looked on amused at this drunken rabble before him. He left as soon as the meal was finished, he said goodbye to everyone, gave s24 and DIL a hug and welcomed her to the family. I was outside getting my coat from the car as we were all going stargazing, so I walked to his car with him, he said it was nice to see me, gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips, then said quietly " I paid you the money yesterday, it should be in your bank now" I replied " thank you, I will check, safe travels home" and i turned around and walked back inside, no looking back, no feeling of sadness or anything, just looking forward to the looking at the stars with my family.
I did have a couple of emotional moments on the day, but they were fleeting. One was when we stood next to each other and the celebrant said his words about "what is love" I felt so sad that h had done the opposite of what was advised, seeing through the bad times, loving each other, being kind to each other etc etc. I also got upset when he gave them a rather large sum of money (seems that his parents have given both him and his brother some money from the sale of a rental house they own) I felt absolutely terrible that I would not be able to match it and it upset me that he was being so flash. S24 talked to me about it later and said "if a rich man and a poor man give you $10, you value the one the poor man gave you as you know they have had to sacrifice something of theirs to give you that $10 where the rich man has sacrificed nothing, its small change to him. If you gave us $50 towards our travel fund we would value that more than the $1000 dad just gave us, we know you will have given up food or something equally important to give us that money, to dad it small change now" I just burst in to tears, I am so proud of the mature and understanding young man that he has grown in to, I told him so and said its a mums prerogative to cry on her her sons wedding day ha ha
So thats is, I am back at home now, staying in a motel until DIL family leave on Wednesday and then I can move back in to the sleepout ..... non granny flat as I now call it ..... s21 and g/friend are coming down to visit in 2 weeks time, and I hope to go a visit them end of September. Normal life resumes, I am not further forward in deciding what I want to do, just know that something has to change .....perhaps I am going through my own midlife crisis lol.
Thanks for reading, love and hugs to everyone xoxo
I am so glad you returned w/an update and the wedding sounds like it went off perfectly. I'm sure the photos are beautiful with the background of snow, etc. I think you handled everything perfectly.
As for your h, sounds like he has come down from his "high" of thinking he is 20 once again. We then begin to settle down, they do tend to "age". The toll their bodies take when they are trying to burn the candle at both ends quickly ages them. Be glad that you aren't him.
You have raised a very wise young man. He knows that you've been struggling and I agree w/him, i.e., whatever you give to them means more to them because they know you didn't come by it easily. They appreciate your gifts far more than those of someone who "flashes" funds around.
No, I don't think you are going through your own MLC. I think you are finally accepting things aren't going to change w/your h and you are and continue to move forward. Take your time in deciding what you want to do...once you make the decision, it will be the right one for you. Live your life each day to the fullest and know that no matter what you do, you will be okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hugs to you too Lou. Thank you for the lovely update.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
