I worried about about my son being from a broken home as well. But living with my ex was a lot more broken then my current situation. My son is not witnessing a really unhealthy dynamic and poor role model on a daily basis.
My ex is also a disney dad or maybe just a really good babysitter. While I still get annoyed, I am happy at the very unique bond I have with my son. It is a very special bond single parents seem to have with their children. I love that I get to make the decisions I feel are best for son without any input or argument as well.
Letting my ex go and focusing on how I was going to be the parent my son needed is empowering. I do not think my son is suffering for it. He would have suffered by witnessing and copying a very selfish man and how he treated me. Now, he will only see me with a partner that is really a partner.
A friend told me a few days ago: "you don't realize how much unhappy, miserable and asphyxiated you really are in a toxic relationship until it is finally over..."
Sara, you are a warrior, thinking already about your professional future is the proof that you are on the right path. It's ok to have those overwhelming feelings because you had been forced to turn the page on something you fought so much to save, allow yourself some time to express them.
Take the time to heal, to laugh, to be silly and even make fun of what you went though, yes you can... my H hates my funny jokes/references about his endeavors but I also joke about what I went though with my closest friends, it can be pretty hilarious. Having a good sense of humor was a lifesaver, at least for me plus a few good friends.
Now, another thing cross my mind, make sure to keep your kids' passports with you. Nothing wrong with being careful.
Keep track of his "time" with the kids during the week and the week end.
Kids are resilient if given the right support even by only one parent. I witnessed that not only with my kids but also with others, it takes time but with love and the right guidance they strive. The road might be very rocky sometimes (a lot at the beginning...) but keep your eyes on the finish line. Life is a journey filled with a few tornadoes, hurricanes, rainy and sunny days.
He is the one who failed you and your kids not you. So stop blaming yourself for whatever you might have in mind and turn your gaze to the present and the future.
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
I silently follow along with you. I am sorry that things have come to this. You sound (read) so strong. Others are reading and learn so much from you. You have done everything possible to fight for your M.
I think this is a huge loss for your H, and I imagine some day he will realize it. I believe you know your worth and that staying put is settling for less. You have already done that, and it doesn't work for you. We understand, and we support you fully! I hope the D process is as smooth as it can be. Please keep us updated.
Best, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Still living together but barely speaking to each other. WH will be taking the kids to WDW this weekend and I've chosen to stay home. I will probably go shopping with friends, hang out with my cousin and other stuff I rarely get to do. I'm looking forward to it honestly.
The few times we talk it's mostly WH having some criticism. (I locked the sliding glass door and checked three times, WH demanded I check it again and I told him he was welcome to do it, he did and started yelling at me so I simply walked out and went to work) I am so tired of being in the same house with him, there is nothing left inside me for him. I find myself fantasizing about guys at work and how it would feel to be in a relationship where I am loved and cherished. I'm in no hurry to partner and sometimes feel like I would be better off single. I just feel irritated with WH and want this divorce to be done.
I know my home will be more peaceful without the passive aggressive silences, the verbal jabs at me. The kids are doing ok and seem oblivious to the silence, which tells me they have become accustomed to non-communicative parents. This $ucks.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Sara, you have been dealing with this for a long time. Really. A LONG time. In-home separation is one of the hardest things I've ever tried in my life. I can't imagine 2 years.
I came here to DB with hopes of saving my marriage, but I realize that sometimes things just go bad. I'm good with that now and getting better with the idea every day.
I think you're making the right decision. If I am to be perfectly honest with myself, my MR was on a decline before I even realized it and now that I've started getting close to the other end of this tunnel I can breathe again. A big part of that is being away from WW. Things aren't GOOD, but they're not rock bottom either! A little bit at a time, right?
Your kids are going to be OK. It will not be easy. It will not be fun, and there will be challenges. But they are going to make it through. They will adjust. Kids are resilient, and even more so if they get support. It doesn't have to be perfect. They just need cuddles and love. They need to feel safe, and they need consistency (even if that includes a consistent parenting schedule). You be their rock, and they will build the foundation for their lives with it.
You can do it.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
I am not surprised he is giving you the silent treatment because he is realizing that none of his previous tricks to have you back under his control are working anymore and you are out of hold. Most probably the live in situation was very convenient for him because it allowed him to have the "best of 2 worlds", having an easy life at home while doing the bare minimum and looking good as a devoted husband and father to others. But since you decided to tear apart that smoke curtain, he now is being shown as he is... and it's something very difficult for him to handle, the reality is not matching anymore the projection of himself that he wants people to think/believe of him. Stay strong, he might get even nastier. Just don't get into any of his traps to engage you in verbal fights.
You took the right decision to file, you tried everything and beyond. It's time for you to live in peace, to stop walking on eggshells on a everyday basis. It's obvious that he is still in his own world of selfishness. There is nothing you can do about it, he has to deal with it himself and hope that one day he can, so you can co-parent with someone with a better state of mind.
Now that you file, how long will it take until the D? Is there any way you can ask him to move out legally?
One day at a time, look forward and see that light at the end of the tunnel. You are a strong and great mom.
(((HUGS)))
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
I cant wait for you to experience the peace that comes when living independently.
When i was living with my ex i remember always being sick...with illnesses that really did not reflect my lifestyle. Epstein barr, pneumonias, chronic coughs, kidney stones, melanoma.
I have not really been sick for a long while.
Just saying.
The divorce process ahead is stressful, but i feel like the phase you just came out if is the hardest.
(I locked the sliding glass door and checked three times, WH demanded I check it again and I told him he was welcome to do it, he did and started yelling at me so I simply walked out and went to work)
PsySara, that sounds like a good opportunity to have a weekend to yourself. That'll be a strange feeling!
When you do fall in love with a new guy in the future (I feel sure you will), you'll really really appreciate him. Maybe one of those guys at work is divorced? Not that you'd want to jump into a new relationship any time soon, but you could branch out a bit by socializing more and seeking support from a wide range of friends and colleagues, both male and female, and especially those who are divorced and know what you're going through.
My husband keeps saying "all the physicians at work are divorced...." As if it's so normal and common. If that's the case then it sounds like you'll have plenty of options.
I hope your kids are feeling ok. They have each other which is great. Hopefully your husband will find some motivation to work things out with you enough to give them a sense of security feeling both parents are on their side.
I hope this phase will pass quickly and you'll feel some sense of normalcy again. There's not really anything anyone can say at this time to fix how you're feeling but let's hope you'll pick up a few grains of wisdom and receive a few kind words from someone who cares about you as each day that passes. Maybe that's the best we can expect right now.
(I locked the sliding glass door and checked three times, WH demanded I check it again and I told him he was welcome to do it, he did and started yelling at me so I simply walked out and went to work)
Oh, so he has OCD???
He reads more like a narcissist who's realizing he's losing control, IMO.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
