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A Message from Michele
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Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: Ginger1] #2775915
01/19/18 02:21 AM
01/19/18 02:21 AM
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
I am back to square one. I am truly so defeated right now. No matter how hard I try to fix things, I can't. There are always forces against me and I would like to just catch an ounce of luck, but I can't.


Ginger,

How do you know that you aren't very luck? What if you'd been offered, and accepted, one of those positions only to find that you hated it even more than your current position?

Do you know, relative to the all of the people on Earth, you're probably in the top 5% percent based on quality of life? What if you'd been born in Somalia? You need to start appreciating what you've got and be thankful for the good in your life. You spend far too much time wallowing in self pity.

Figure out what you want, set some goals and start working your way toward the goals. One goal may be to find an IC that will actually challenge you rather than kiss your @ss.

An yes, sometimes I'm a motherf*cker.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: doodler] #2775918
01/19/18 02:38 AM
01/19/18 02:38 AM
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Gotcha.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: Ginger1] #2775925
01/19/18 02:55 AM
01/19/18 02:55 AM
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You know, I live with constant guilt for not just being happy with the fact I am not from a third world country and having a job. I feel unentitled to my feelings as it. I get it.

My IC challenges me every time with compassion. She knows more about the life I have lived from day one than anyone else in this world. I take on every challenge, set out to better myself and set goals and work towards them, very hard, Nothing I have today has EVER been handed to me and I have it all with a fight and against the odds. We set goals together, and this one was one. I knew the job situation would change a lot of things for me in my life, and I went for it. I furthered my education, I applied to jobs, reached out to all the right contacts. I didn't sit back. I never sit back.

However, now I think is the time to sit back. Just accept the status quo. And just appreciate the fact I have food on the table, most of my health, ect. Because I have never done that before (note sarcasm). But I will do it again.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: Ginger1] #2775937
01/19/18 04:37 AM
01/19/18 04:37 AM
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Ginger,

You seem like such a good person, but your posts often frustrate me. When life hands you lemons, you don't seem to know how to make lemonade. Usually it just requires a shift in attitude; a setback can become an adventure. I wish you could grasp that.

That's the segue to a doodler anecdote. My mom was (and is) somewhat neurotic and a bit of a nervous-Nelly. When I was 16 we went on a family trip. On the way home, I was driving and my Dad was navigating. We went past an exit on the interstate and my Mom said, "We should've gotten off at that exit." She kept going on-and-on about how we missed our exit; it was as if the world was coming to an end. I said, "Mom, we can go to the next exit and then go the other direction; it's no big deal." Well, apparently it was a big deal. In her mind, the world was ending and that was that.

Anyway, we arrived at the next exit and the most wondrous thing happened. That particular exit happened to be the correct exit, not the one that my Mom thought was the correct exit. My Mom was quiet the rest of the trip.

The point is, we often become so enamored and focused on what we believe is supposed to happen, even if we may have no control over the situation, that we fail to look around and see all of the other possibilities. One of those possibilities is that you're actually right where you wanted to be and you didn't even know it. But, something else to consider, what if we'd missed our exit and that mistake led to an opportunity to do something fun and different that we wouldn't have otherwise considered? You can be angry about an outcome or you can find a way to turn it into something beneficial; it's just a change in attitude.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: doodler] #2776068
01/20/18 06:14 AM
01/20/18 06:14 AM
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Girl, you just need a weekend in the sun.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: SunnyB] #2776134
01/20/18 11:44 PM
01/20/18 11:44 PM
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Hi Ginger, I'm sorry to read about your job disappointment.

When you aren't selected for a job you wanted, it is always worth constructively asking for feedback and being willing to listen and understand the reasons - and adjust your approach or add to your skill set if needed? Particularly with internal appointments, this can be helpful. (I work in HR :))

It that is the role you truly want, what would you need to do to make yourself the first person that would be looked at for that job and for the job not to be offered to someone else who may be perceived as a better fit? We don't find it easy to ask for feedback at times when we are feeling a bit crushed because things haven't gone our way - we've all been there - but if we can open-heartedly seek it - I think it is worthwhile. This isn't the universe handing you a raw deal, it is someone within your company perceiving there may be a better fit for that particular role, at this particular point. And all of that is something you can do something about...

Hope this helps a little Ginger anyway xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: Sotto] #2776161
01/21/18 08:29 AM
01/21/18 08:29 AM
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Sotto,

Your suggestion about feedback is excellent. Ginger, when things settle down a bit, make an appointment w/the person who did the hiring and inquire as to why you were not selected. It may the way you wrote your resume or it could be something else...but you won't know until you ask. Once you know how the decision was made, you can then begin working on whatever it is you need to do to outshine others in the future.

Sometimes, jobs we apply for are not always the right fit and something better comes along...but I would not let this one selection get the better of me. I would most certainly be looking around to see what type of employment opportunities are open or will be opening up in the near future. Networking and putting "feelers" out w/others will help you.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: job] #2776171
01/21/18 11:10 AM
01/21/18 11:10 AM
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Sotto and Job, thanks for the great suggestions. However, I never even got to the interview process. I submitted my application through our internal transfer, never even spoke to anyone regarding the position, they filled it internally within the unit and the hospital before I even got to an interview. I had the application up since October, and in the beginning of December just got around to consider people for the position. I networked well prior, and a few people called in a recommendation for me within the system who worked there. Even the physician advisor I would be working with. The other, job, well, they were going to get me in for an interview, but I couldn't take the pay cut. I once had a job I chased after for 2 years, even got turned down the first time around, and I finally got it, only to get laid off in the first 9 months.

I have no choice but to stay within the system. I'll keep looking. One recruiter from within my position suggested the possibility of working per diem to get my foot in the door until a full-time position opened up. I am considering doing so at the hospital in my system close to my house. I would work every other weekend. It would be a helluva lot, but lets make lemonade out of lemons, I am single, and have every other weekend to myself so some extra cash wouldn't hurt. I would be exhausted and often work 8 days in a row, but whatevs. I am going to take time to consider if this option if the right one for me.

Doodler,
I asked thought long and hard about what you wrote. I asked myself, "have I ever made lemonade out of lemons?" I was able to come up with so many times that I have. usually in a job situation too. My current situation is lemonade out of lemons. I got laid off, I needed a job, I applied to this one amongst many, I had idea what the position actually entailed, but the money and hours were right, they liked me and I took it. Wasn't my dream job, but I focused on the positives, and at the time, there were more. I also took advantage of it and got my degree when my job was fairly easy and there was less stress. My injury and surgery? OMG, that was the last thing I needed! Going tp physical therapy for over 6 months? What a huge inconvience especially since I had to take my daughter. Our night time routine seriously got screwed. But I said I might as well make the best of it and enjoy it as my free gym membership. I made friends, I learned to enjoy it and look at is as fun rather than inconvience.

When I had to leave college and get my own apartment because my mother turned back to drugs when I was 19, I thought that was the pits, but I am forever thankful for how independent I was forced to become. I had no choice but to learn to live on my own and provide for myself. I am forever thankful for that opportunity, because I knew how to handle myself when my husband left me at a young age. I had a career and providing for myself was nothing new. I had a baby to provide for too, but I learned how.

So yeah, I know how to turn negatives into positives. Sometimes there simply is no positive. I can't find one right now. So, I'll accept that this really blows, but I'll just keep chugging along and set out for a new plan of action.

For a little while, I am going to lay low though and not kill myself trying to change things. I will try to learn to how to be happy here, but I don't know that I can be. One tiny thing has to change. Job wise, social wise, relationship wise. But it's pretty stale right now and I'll have to earn how to be happy where I am.

And Sunny, you are absolutely right. I just need some sun.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: Ginger1] #2776211
01/22/18 12:56 AM
01/22/18 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1

Doodler,
I asked thought long and hard about what you wrote. I asked myself, "have I ever made lemonade out of lemons?" I was able to come up with so many times that I have. usually in a job situation too. My current situation is lemonade out of lemons.


Ginger,

You may be right, and I may be very wrong. I'm often wrong. What I said was completely based on the things that I've read on this forum so I don't really know what your life is like.

Having said that, and I'm not trying to be polemic or provocative (to the contrary), it seems like you get caught in a cycle of seeing some hope and light in your future, then suffering a bit of a disappointment or setback and then the bottom bursts and the tears flow. Again, I could be wrong, but that's what I see from afar.

I'm just wondering if you're not caught in your own cycle of self-imposed suffering. When you submit a "downer" post on this forum, most of the kind people here say very nice things to you to help cheer you up. That's a good thing, but it may also enable the cycle, to continue. So, I'm taking the other approach, which is to say, "Wake up and get out of that freaking abysmal cycle."

Yet again, I could be wrong, and if I am, I'll have to go shopping for a new dress so I can put this incident out of my mind. And I hope I haven't done any permanent harm.

Re: .....and ever and ever and ever [Re: doodler] #2776214
01/22/18 01:24 AM
01/22/18 01:24 AM
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Originally Posted By: doodler
[quote=Ginger1]

Ginger,


Having said that, and I'm not trying to be polemic or provocative (to the contrary), it seems like you get caught in a cycle of seeing some hope and light in your future, then suffering a bit of a disappointment or setback and then the bottom bursts and the tears flow. Again, I could be wrong, but that's what I see from afar.

This is true. It's a cycle I have been stuck in since I was a kid. But it has never been with the little things, just the life changing things. This is not a pity statement, but a reality statement. There is no one thing in life that has a "normal" way of happening for most people, and I usually fall into the percentage of the population where the odds are against. So even the small seemingly normal victories for most, where people don't have to think twice about them, have been met with such challenge for me. It is what it is, I don't know why, and I stopped asking, but it's probably why I take the loss harder than most. I can handle disappointment rather well. I always have. I have never been spoiled (despite the fact I am an only child) and I am a super realist, not a pessimist, where I know life is no fairytale and we often don't get what we want no matter how hard we try. The reason why I feel it so much is kind of years and years of accumulation and straws that break the camel's back. But yes, I could work on not being so disappointed. ANd letting more things roll off my back, which they always have in the past. You would never believe this, but I am actually very much a type B personality and have a laid back personality. Which changed a bit when I became a single mother, but I still err towards the type B side.

I'm just wondering if you're not caught in your own cycle of self-imposed suffering. When you submit a "downer" post on this forum, most of the kind people here say very nice things to you to help cheer you up. That's a good thing, but it may also enable the cycle, to continue. So, I'm taking the other approach, which is to say, "Wake up and get out of that freaking abysmal cycle."

AM I caught in a downer cycle? Yes. I have been trying to work my way back out of it. But the cheering up doesn't enable the cycle. In my real world over here, no one knows anything about what I deal with or go through or how I feel. I don't really have anyone to lean on and nor do I ever choose to lean on anyone, and tht's my own choice. So yeah, validation makes me feel as if I am not going completely crazy sometimes, but trust me, I want OUT of this cycle. So I appreciate you trying to help me with that. I have always been a happy, funny, sarcastic person and believe it or not, I make people laugh. I can actually even be the life of the party. My daughter rarely sees me down, and maybe sometimes because I have to put on my game face so often when I don't want to, When I finally let it fall apart, I really let it fall apart.

Yet again, I could be wrong, and if I am, I'll have to go shopping for a new dress so I can put this incident out of my mind. And I hope I haven't done any permanent harm.

The only permanent harm you might do is bend over while wear a dress that is too short while going commando. You are right about some things yes, and from what I put on here, you have every reason to see what you see. While I am a very genuine person and what you see is what you get, this can be kind of my miserable journal which is a small part of my life. Or maybe a bigger part of my life lately, but I am working on that.


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