Just want to say thanks for stopping in on my thread. I haven't caught up entirely on your whole stitch but I have read everything to date in this latest thread. all I can say is "WOW". Your W seems really intent on trying to keep you attached. I see so many similarities between your W and mine. I wish I handled myself as noble as you did. You do seem to be on the right path and she is noticing you are not a back up anymore. I pray you find peace in the new year. Aside from the craziness, try and enjoy the holidays with your family. Merry Christmas.
Thank you for your well wishes and hope you have a great Christmas week.
Journaling:
Well, she has been pursuing me for the last week and I have been friendly but not all that responsive. In the last 24 hours, she is now switching to distancing. No more initiating communication and no more physical touching. Now that I have lived this pattern for a while, I still get the urge to pursue when she distances. Alas, I am tired of the game so am doing my best to just be me.
I am not making any decisions about moving out or anything today. It’s the week before Christmas and the kids are pumped up and so am trying my best to fake it even if I don’t feel so merry inside. One Christmas gift: my little guy has been writing me ILY notes and giving them to me. He is such a sweetie.
I thought last Christmas was our last one, but here we are again. Stbx said by this Christmas OM1 would be with us to open presents. Like HaWho, I don’t think she even remembers the crazy stuff she has said. I wish I could forget.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I am so sorry that she's still acting out. She's playing the distance/pursuit game w/you. Some of them even go one step further being nice for a while and then turning nasty...all in the name of hooking you back into their circle. I think you've got the right idea of just being yourself. I'm sure you are getting more than tired of the games because when you have one living under your roof, you can't get away from them and their antics...it's right in your face 24/7. Please try to get out of the house a bit this holiday season even if it's just to go to the coffee shop or take a walk or a drive. You need a break every once in a while.
Bless your little one's heart. He senses that things aren't right and those notes are his way of trying to cheer you up. Give him an extra big hug today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
W said by this Christmas OM1 would be with us to open presents..
I've heard some good ones on the board and in my own life but this comment takes 1st prize! Only a MLC mind would think this is just fine.
Soon after BD when I was emotionally destroyed and nothing more than a pathetic puddle on the floor, my H suggested that when I found a new love interest we could could double date. Just crazy.
Gordie, I've followed your thread for awhile and I have to say you have become quite the role model for me. The way you handle yourself while your W is still under the same roof is an inspiration to me. I hope to get there one day myself and reading your posts is really helping me with that. Thank you!
One thing my mlcer shared with me (and it might shed some light to you) was the " i love you but i' m not in love with you.. I know i care about you... you are my best friend.. i do love you... i think i love you but not in that way..more like a sister. I would still die for you.. blah blah blah..
They are confused and constantly change their mind on the role you play in their life. From lover to friend to the one to blame.. it' s insanity!!
I refuse to play the game. My ex-h is the father of my kids and was my life partner. By leaving me and the children, i do not see him as a lover, brother, friend.. heck, i am not a masochist.. a barely see him as a dad. Our children are not a priority to him.
Take a few step back.. make it clear to her of the role you have in her life and let her figure it out. But keep in mind that she will change her mind often. Atick to your role.
Stay strong and make this Christmas about seeing the spark and excitement in your kid's eyes. Put her aside for awhile. You need to refuel!
Thank you ladies for your support. Yes, she is still really confused. Crazy how she thinks she can have me an OM1 and when that didn’t work out OM2.
Journaling:
Well, stbx didn’t show for the last big kid event. Tonight she asked if she could come with me and the kids. She is acting all normal and like we are still a couple with the other parents. Wedding rings on. I keep my physical and emotional distance.
I am pretty sure affair with OM2 is still going on, but she’s no longer out in the open about it, so not 100% sure. I assume she would tell me if she broke up with him, but then again she never told me about the breakup with OM1.
At last conversation she said she was confused and didn’t know what she wanted. As many of you have pointed out, I think she’s trying to keep both of us in the picture while she decides.
I continue to flip flop in my heart on what to do. I am tempted to ask her what she is thinking and feeling since our last talk but not sure that would be productive. She says she wants me to fight for her...but what does that mean in this context...when she also asked me to let her go?
DB coach said it’s a fantasy for some women to have two men fighting over her. They love the attention and passion.
Sometimes I feel sorry for her and her confusion and want to stand forever—that I meant my vows, for better or worse. Other times I feel like she is manipulating me and want to cut her out of my life—she has chosen to pursue other men and is no longer deserving of my love. I am confused too.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I would much rather have the man that I love "fight" for me by being committed to me, our relationship and our family.
I hope your W comes to her senses soon. From what I have read in your posts it sounds like she has a man fighting for her......not just her attention in some immature fantasy.
She wants you to fight for her?! That is exactly what you have been doing. You have been fighting for your M with dignity. But a woman who wants her husband and the father of her kids to "compete" with her affair partner is messed up.
Gordie, she should be fighting for you now. You are worth fighting for too.
Yeah, it’s messed up. I am not a violent person but she has asked me why I have not confronted her AP. I said i would seriously hurt him and I wasn’t joking. The last thing I need in my life is an assault charge.
I have been in one fight in my life and my sparring partner seriously regretted picking a fight with me. I’m not going there. But yes, I think it may be part of her fantasy that we will physically fight over her.
It’s part of the reason why I thought it was insane when she wanted to introduce him to me and we would all be friends.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
