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Hi Hunny - I had a bout of Alopecia Areata after dealing with major stress from my mothers Alzheimer's. Two reasonably large bald patches. My hairdresser advised me to use Kevin Murphy Plumping Wash and Plumping Rinse as well as Kevin Murphy's scalp treatment (called Body Mass). Almost immediately the hair loss stopped and reversed. Hair looked great after a few months and at 6 months it looked very thick.

It's quite expensive so after my recovery I stopped using it. Then BD - no bald spots but drastically thinning hair over the last six months. I'm going out today to buy it again. The last thing I need to worry about is my hair!

It isn't sold in drugstores - just certain hair salons.

Here's a link to a review on the shampoo and rinse:

http://thefoolishobsession.com/review-kevin-murphy-plumping-line/

Even more important is the Body Mass treatment that follows the cleansing and rinsing according to my Hairdresser.

You can read reviews on Amazon (4.5/5 stars) but when I checked today it seems like they are selling the product for more than you would pay at a salon.

Glad to hear you have decided to stop calling your H. I am so much better when I have no contact with him. I'm now working on getting him to stop contacting me and eliminating all reasons he would need to. Even when he contacts me, it can be just as upsetting as when I contact him.

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Thank you so much Pax_luv and GalPal.

I will definitely talk to my doctor at my next appointment and check into the shampoo!

Hunny

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This whole journey seems like it is one step forward and then at least two steps back. My days at work have been going fairly well until now,

We were in a meeting and discussing our goals for next year. You know one of those over the top try to motivate everyone sessions so we all come back from Christmas break,

Someone said the thing to do is figure out the one thing you want to accomplish most in 2018 and attack it on 1/2/18. That way you are guaranteed a successful year.

All I could think about was H saying he wanted to start talking about divorce again after the holidays. I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies room. And I'm still hiding on here in the little sitting area.

I swear people must think I am a basket case,

Hunny

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Hunny,

You are very normal and it's going to take a while before you are on more solid ground. I know exactly how yo feel. There will be days when you take one huge step forward and then there will be days when it's two steps back...but I promise you, as you continue on your journey, those steps will get smaller and smaller as you toughen up and become less sensitive to what your h is saying or doing.

Your h's empathy chip is broken and to say such things about discussing a D after the holidays...well I have a good answer for him, if and when he does bring it up. I would say "h, I will have to think about this D and what all it will entail. I need some time to adjust to this situation and I'll get back to you when I am ready to discuss it with you". You don't need to go into everything w/him...just tell him you need the time to adjust to this new situation and then walk away.

You'll figure out the one thing you want to accomplish in 2018 when the time is right.

For now, dig deeper for patience and continue moving forward. We are here to pick you up if you should stumble and fall.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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job,

Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. I'm home now and feeling somewhat better. Proud that I didn't call H to try to "change" his mind.

I am going to do my very best to find some joy in this holiday season. I know that I will have many sad moments. Maybe even a lot more sad than happy but as long as there is something good I'll consider it a plus.

I think I will write a response like what you posted and place it in my phone case. And when H calls, whether it's as soon as we ring in the new year, or a ge days later I will have it ready.

Hunny

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Sometimes I lock myself in the men’s room and my colleagues must think I have major GI issues!


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Gordie,

I seem to spend a lot of time in there lately. There is now one particular couch that is my "spot".

Hunny

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Hello all,

Today was my last work day until after Christmas. Any other year I would have been thrilled to have time off at the holidays.

This time last year I was curled up on the sofa watching H wrap presents while wearing his Santa hat, watching Elf, and singing Christmas songs. That man loves the holidays and everything that went with them.

If anyone had told me that this year he would be with another woman and her kids i would have told them no way. Then laughed and watched another Christmas movie.

The last time we talked about Christmas he said it was just another day of the year.

I know it's going to sound crazy but I sometimes wish he had been a jerk our entire marriage instead of the kind loving man he was. That way right now wouldn't be such a shock.

I would be devastated still I'm sure but not to the extent I am now. I wouldn't be sad for him because I wouldn't know that what is going on right now is so out of character for him. I wouldn't know that if he ever snaps out of this he is going to be crushed.

I've been thinking a lot lately and there is soooo much info out there about just about everything you can think of health wise but so little about MLC. I wonder if it would make even a little bit of a difference if people were educated?

When you hit certain age points your doctor starts talking to you about this and that. Change your diet, exercise, take vitamins watch out for x, y, and z. What if midlife crisis was a topic?

Could it possibly help if they had some info in advance? If they knew that one day they were going to wake up with this overwhelming urge to throw their life away in search of "something" they have lost that they just can't seem to find. If they knew that they were going to have so much anger and not have any idea why. That at any moment they might look into the face of the man/woman they love and tell them ILYB or I don't know why I married you.

I know that if I had any real information about MLC I would have handled this whole thing completely different. I swear I I thinking about standing outside the local grocery store handing out flyers.

Hunny

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Hunny,

I know how you feel because my xh left 12 days before Christmas back in 1999. His actions ruined Christmas for everyone...but I can assure you, it got better w/time and today, well...I look forward to Christmas and pray for his lost soul. It will get better for you as well...but it will take time.

About MLC. It's been around for a very, very long time, but back in the day, people would say "he/she's gone off her rocker for a bit" and ignore it as best as possible. Also, divorce wasn't easy to get back in the 50's, 60's or even the 70's. Keep in mind, in today's society, people live a whole lot longer and thanks to social media, we are seeing more and more of this behavior and the label MLC was born.

Doctor's do not want to put a label of MLC on their behaviors, but some would say it's depression. When my xh walked, my physician asked me if I need AD's for his crisis. Yep, that's right...my physician knew all about what my xh was going through and so did my lawyer. Unfortunately, no one wants to actually call it a medical condition. Yes, people use to joke about the little red sports car, the gold chains around their necks and the young women hanging on the men's arms...but it's not a joke to all that are affected by it.

People are far more aware of MLC than they use to be thanks to social media. Unfortunately, people do not realize the impact a crisis will have on their particular family until it hits. That's the sad part of the whole thing.

Hunny, this year will be a rough one for you, but you will get through it the best you can. I'll be cruising the forum throughout the day and if you want to chat, post and I'll be here to walk the path w/you that day.

Hang in there.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you job.

It is very rough and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am so tired of well everything. I hate walking around in our house knowing that H never wants to step foot in it again.

Journaling

I'm happy to have memories of our life but they feel like lies. I look at pictures of us smiling and looking so happy and then realize that was taken during the time he said he realized he no longer loved me. And what about the ones from 5 years ago, 10 years ago?? Are they all lies too?

All the text messages and emails from that period that were so sweet, so normal but in reality were just H lying/pretending. Whatever you want to call it.

What is scary is that I never saw one single sign that he no longer loved me. I knew he was stressed at work etc. but not once did he do or say anything that would lead me to believe the stress could be coming from him living a lie.

He is/was an open book so it must have been very hard for him to keep up the act. For me it leaves me wondering about my judgement. How could I have not known? How could I hold his hand and hear him say I love you and not know something had changed?

Hunny

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