Im sorry to hear about your step son, but hope that gives you a good reason to come to the states for a visit. I'm glad things continue to move along with your personal life. You continue to inspire me with your consistent grace in navigating life's twists and turns.
All the best to you.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Sotto, If you decide to explore Chicago, I'll be your guide!
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Hi Sotto, as usual you are the guiding light with positivity and style. Sorry to hear SS is moving away but as others have said , gives you a great excuse to travel. Your dealing with your gentleman friend is perfect , you deserve to be treated the way you want , as do we all, telling him and communicating your feelings removes any potential issues of misunderstandings, etc.
Keep on showing us the way , your a true strong , caring person and we all should follow your example.
Take care , Rd
Last edited by job; 06/30/1801:31 AM. Reason: edited a word for poster
Hello my dearest Sotto. So great to hear from you!!! I learn so much from your posts my friend. It's like looking into a potential future for myself if I continue to do the hard inner work, and it's inspiring!
While I'm sorry SS and his mom are moving, I'm thrilled that you'll have a reason to come stateside and encourage you to add Boston to your itinerary, lol ! Real time tea with Sotto! Imagine how amazing that would be!
I'm paying attention to how you're managing the new relationship - the ways in which you're different now and the challenges and positives you're experiencing. I find myself feeling like I'm closer to being open to something with someone new and alternately gun-shy. So please do keep posting! You're lighting the path for the rest of us. Much love as always xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ BD 4/6/15 D Final 12/23/16
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi
Hi all, thanks so much for posting. I just had a little read of some posts from my old chums - Cali, MLeigh, Bttrfly etc. I haven't been on the forum for a little while. I guess I was ready to move away a little - but something drew me back here this evening, so time for a mini update.
The R with the guy I was seeing didn't work out. We just seemed to be in different places on things and I felt he was pushing too much for us to be more than I wanted too soon. In lots of ways that recurring theme kept cropping up and I began to feel we were going around the same conversation loop with it. Anyway, on a positive note, we have remained friends and we still dance together, have the odd coffee together and one or two other bits. So that's nice. I know that may well change for either of us if we start seeing someone else. But for now, I've appreciated it. It was good to dip a toe in the dating rock pool after D and there is lots to like about this guy. It also shows me that being in a new R doesn't solve all your issues - just brings a whole lot of new issues to navigate - alongside the other nice stuff of course.
I had to regroup after we stopped seeing each other. Suddenly I had a bunch of time, having been busy for a few months with him. That was a bit tough really. A couple of my good friends had started dating and I needed to build up some new stuff for myself again. So, I have a few new things on - meditation class, happiness course - alongside the yoga, singing and dancing and I feel things are at a level that I'm happy at again.
I did go into quite a spiritual phase for a while - read a lot, catching up on some spiritual books I had wanted to read and one leads to another. I find just the reading of them very calming, apart from the wisdoms in there too. I met up with SS and his mum a couple of weeks ago. He got some poor exam results, so that was a shame and they are hearing off to the US in a month or two. He and I are fixing up another visit before he goes. He had a recent milestone birthday and I gave him a cash gift and a card, and he was really appreciative. I hear nothing of his Dad at all. As far as I know, he and OW are still together, but I am more than 4 years out now, and I don't even wonder or think about him all that much. I would never have thought that might be possible in the early days.
Anyway, to any newcomers, I would echo what the wise Cali says. It doesn't really matter what journey the MLCer takes as time goes on. If we are to move forward and thrive, we have to reach a point of accepting and letting go. It was real, it mattered, it hurt and there is life - a good life - after it too. We just need to move forwards and find it for ourselves.
My Mum is still with us - albeit frail now. She and Dad celebrated 60 years of marriage earlier in the summer. We were so pleased they reached that milestone and we had a fabulous day with them, which is a precious memory now. Anyway, lots of love and best wishes to you all. I always felt this site was a special little piece of humanity and it made such a difference to me in my hour of need. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am so glad you returned with an update. The courses you are taking sound interesting and fun.
I am also glad your mum is still w/you and your family. Your dad and mum have been together a very long time and when the time comes, and one of them crosses over, it will be very difficult for the other one to continue moving forward. Cherish those times you spend w/them. They have seen a lot and have loads of wise advise to still hand out.
Don't be a stranger...we are always here and are happy when one of our family returns, even if it's just for a brief visit. Sotto, please take care of yourself.
Hi Sotto, great to hear from you. Great to hear your mum and dad calibrated 60 years together, thats a fantastic achievement for them. You sound strong and glad to hear you didnt settle with your man friend. Its all too easy to accept things that realistically you shouldn't. Thats not to say comprises shouldn't be made but we all have our boundaries and they are ours to decide.
Sorry to hear SS didnt get the results he wanted or expected but exams aren't the be all and end all of life.
Your spirtual journey sounds good, its always good to step back and take stock of what actually is as opposed to how we might perceive things. They are often very different and in a world filled with famine , war and disease, we who live in the first world sometimes moan and whine about first world problems when we should be grateful to the universe that our ' problems' pail into insignificance compared to third world inhabitants.
You mention looking for new things to fill your time , seriously , you are the queen of GAL, sword juggling , flame eating, nothing is beyond you.
Again , great to see you post. Your a shining light on here of how to deal with all that this site is about and Cadets list should include your journey. I know i say this alot but your strength and fortitude to deal with the ups and downs of life are a beacon to all who are lucky enough to read them.