Rebuilding my life #3

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=lcause]I mean, cologne by definition is the most weakest one (if you speak about EDC), as far as I know?

LCause


I have a strong preference for cologne, as do many (not all) of my women friends. Coincidentally I spent the weekend with 5 women friends of mine and we mentioned colognes and all got dreamy eyed when a married woman mentioned how much she loves her h's smell.

I get it.

But I gave you my opinion and it's free. You're free to ignore it of course.

I don't know what "EDT/EDP" means and

yes, I'm referring to men's fragrances in general, when I use the term "cologne."


I usually go to EDT, or now I want EDP of the same fragrance. I want it to last till the next morning Could be that you are just bundling all the fragrances under the term cologne though.

YSL La nuit de l'homme is my next one. Need to buy it tax free because it's much cheaper.

This ^^is a good one too. (I need to double check my research for more data). And there is something to be said for avoiding inexpensive colognes Somehow they seem to be too over the top.

IMO a man who cares about his scent, is more aware of those around him than a man who doesn't' even notice.

Plus I think it shows a clean, sensual side to himself.

Not to go too far with this, but subconsciously I think it makes me believe he's going to be a better lover.

God, I hope I'm right about this.

[lcause]

Eau de cologne/toilette/parfym. Basically tells how much of it is the active fragrance and tells how long it lasts. You can get the same fragrance in different forms

I agree with your points. However fragrance shouldn't be used everywhere since people can be allergic. But obviously when going out etc.

I was surprised that you didn't tell me not to go to the date. I'm now back at work after the weekend and the first thing the coworker said "...sssoooo? Are you going?".

[EastTN]

Those people have not screwed up and been bad husbands. I DO know if you compare our M to a new one, grass IS greener unless the guy is abusive or an alcoholic. Now I don't want to dwell on this and I can offer a much better one going on now, but she will always remember how horrible I was. I'm at least 90% at fault for the demise of our M.

Bull$hit. Seriously, bull$hit. Every sitch on this site posted by a man is the result of a husband who was inattentive, or worked too hard, or depressed, or oblivious. There are also LBHs who had affairs, and even abusive alcoholics. All of us LBHs are here because we didn't give our wives something they needed. You are not unique in this regard. You are not alone. You are not worse than anyone else.

So pick your damned self respect up off the floor and screw your head back on straight.

As for him being "better" than you, bull$hit to that, too. All I can say is no LBH will ever win the "pick me" dance, even if their competition is a hobo living in a trashcan. In another thread, someone (don't remember who) pointed out that the WAS/WS stacks the deck against the LBS when it comes to APs. The WAS has hardened their heart against the LBS. They blame the LBS for 100% of the problems in the M, not even the 90% you're taking credit for. Nothing the LBS does or says is ever right or good enough. Meanwhile, the AP is absolutely perfect and understands the WAS so well, and makes them feel like no one ever has before. Why is that?
Because the AP is carefully spoon fed EVERYTHING the WAS needs to see and hear. "My husband does this and I hate it." "My wife is such a bitch because she did this to me." "I love it when a woman tells me X." "I love it when a man does Y." There is no competing against that.

My XW's AP is like yours. Someone who saw an opportunity, not someone who was cheating on their partner. He moved here from Florida to be with my XW. My daughter thinks he's a nice guy and really likes him. So what? He's still a scumbag, because he put himself into the middle of a marriage and helped end it. Stop putting yourself in the trap of thinking the AP is somehow better than you.

You have an opportunity, here. Whether or not you save your M, you've been given the gift of self-knowledge. Self-pity is not going to make good use of the opportunity.

[EastTN]

Thats a no brainer. JPG Le Male - the ladies really dig it

I let a young woman at the store pick for me. She suggested "Chrome" which I liked and it seemed a good choice for a geek to wear a cologne that shared a name with a web browser. I now want to go smell the cologne you suggested, as it's named after an image format.

[lcause]

Thanks EastTN. This is exactly the type of roasting I wanted a month or so ago!

You are probably 100% correct, but I don't think OM played a role in helping my M to end. Who knows and who cares? I have regained my self-confidence. I'm probably taking the offer and going to see the girl this weekend.

JPG Le Male is too "exotic" for my taste, and I think it's a bit too common. Otherwise a really good choice.

[dale165]

Hey Lcause you sound great! This journey [censored] and beneficial at the same time.

Try and be careful with this date deal. I have two ladies, very pretty and respectable talking to me. One of them has kinda died out. I never looked for them and was pretty lonely throughout this process. I was very upfront and honest yet we still managed to have sex, hang out, etc. Any guy would be lucky to have either one yet I cringe every time they text/call. One in particular is ramping up her talk to me, telling me goodnight and good morning almost daily now. I have zero point zero feelings for her. Now it looks like I will have to shut all that down, don't want to hurt her which it seems I will anyways.
I believe I did it for reasons you speak of, self esteem and validation as a man. Just be careful man, play it extremely slow.

As far cologne, YSL Nuit is awesome! That is my most sentimental cologne bc I bought it on my second date with W back in 2010. As for my 180, I recently sold 99% of my collection for $1,100 lol.
That was 44 colognes and I kept 3. W hated me buying them plus I grew out of it. So Im trying to be way less wasteful in my 180.

Anything made in 2000s by chanel or dior is very good. Your in northern Europe if I remember right so you would probably need something for the cold. I would suggest Carolina Herrara CH Men prive, valentino uomo intense, prada lomme, YSL nuit, blue de chanel, spicebomb extreme, dior sauvage.

[lcause]

Thanks dale! That's a massive collection of fragrances, holy cow and thanks for the suggestions. Yes I'm in Northern Europe and it's snowing here right now.

Sorry to hear your situation. Are you still standing for your M? If not, how are you so sure you couldn't build more with this other woman? Although zero feelings is... zero feelings, lol.

I admit I got "validated" and an ego boost as she apparently wants to go, but I'm definitely not going to use her for that. She apparently is pretty strict when it comes to men so I'm more likely to get dumped than dump her myself, ha

[lcause]

Holy $hit. Dior Sauvage smells so good that I'm borderline getting attracted to the men wearing it! That's going to definitely be the second one I buy. Bought the YSL. It's a bit more tame but still very good.

[lcause]

Hmm I kind of forgot to write here. I haven't has much time either. GALing and the course has taken over my time and I've spent a bit too much time with the girl.

We synced really well... she likes the same music, is amazingly secure in herself, really seems to like children, likes to be a bit childish and doesn't care about embarrassing herself. For example we just randomly conducted a survey in the city, asking people which one of the city's ice hockey team they prefer (she likes the other one than I do, but it's been just more fun teasing each other). People seemed to be amused by it and it was fun.

I've not discussed about the future and she tells me she prefers living in the moment. There was a huge poster in her bedroom full of self-improvement quotes like "to be inspired is great, to inspire is incredible" and so on which was really surprising to me.

Today XW told me that she's going to introduce OM to D. This triggered my urge to write here (I've visited and read the sitches though). I hope everything goes well and D takes it well. It didn't trigger any sort of feelings for me, except the thought of how D will handle it, which is surprising. I'm happy for her.

I thought I would end up validating myself through the girl wanting me but I really don't. I know I'm not ready to be a full-time boyfriend yet, but I really want someone who wants to develop and challenge me and herself which this girl seems to do. I'm probably limerent but so be it.

My journey of wanting my XW is completely over. I'm more oriented towards the current moment and I can't say anything about the future. However, as arrogant as it is, she currently possesses so many traits that turns me off. She would have to go through the process of changing, which I doubt she will ever do.

I now understand what happiness is and what really matters in life. I got a job interview and I'm really hopeful I guess this update is not something people wanted to hear and I'm going to get some 2x4s. I'll visit every now and then, especially if WAW ever has a changed tone I keep improving myself and inspiring others to do so as well. My children will always be my priority.

[lcause]

My children have been introduced to OM's parents already. This all happened quite quickly... I mean, we aren't even divorced yet. I'm more of wondering the urgency and the speed of all of this, rather than anything else - to the point of almost laughing at it. It's less than a year since she gave birth my child and now it wouldn't even be surprising if they were engaged already. I think I'm going to take much longer with things, despite not even wanting her back anymore.

D has changed completely. I don't know if it's her age, school or the divorce, but she's really angry and loses temper immediately. She acts out quite a lot too. S smiles and gets really excited every time he sees me. He's so cute. Outside of D's behavior, life is smiling at me currently. If my XW could do something like this so quickly, I think I rather dodged a bullet and lost something.

Good weekend for everyone.