I think people often get a little bit down in general during this time of year. The sun is out less. The temperatures are cooler. Also, the holidays are coming. That always seems to be a time when single people feel lonely. It's OK to feel sad and to be lonely. As long as you don't dwell in it. (((Andrew)))
I'm confident you'll get through this one day at a time. I remember feeling a weight lifted once the divorce was finalized at the court. Nothing had changed, except that it became official. And then I was (legally) free to do whatever I wanted!
Thanks as always for the visit dream and for your positive message.
I'll get through this funk. I know I will. I'm perhaps giving the process and my worries that things might fall off the rails too much head-space lately. I'm sure you can understand my cynicism.
I appreciate your continued support as I journey along. I hope you and your wee ones and your H are doing well.
I think that since I've made a conscious decision to not pursue anything for now that I can accept being alone for now as a fact. It was a bit tough this evening as "20 something" and her current boyfriend stopped by to visit S23. I'm a bit biased because I don't really like the guy she is with. I find him selfish and oblivious to the needs of others. He crashed here for a month or so after having problems with his mother 5 or 6 years ago and it seems that he hasn't changed. I hate feeling that I am being taken advantage of. "20 something" also mentioned when he was out of the room that he seems to expect her to do everything for him. Ah well - not my monkeys - and she knows that as a pseudo daughter that this is a safe place for her if she ever needs it. I did feel a bit of a pang though for what I lost.
They all seemed comfortable here though while I bustled around making tomorrow's lunch and getting the daily dishes done up.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I did feel a bit of a pang though for what I lost.
Just to be clear - my pangs were not for the young lady. They were in seeing a couple together and remembering the life I used to have.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hey dude...my old Canadian friend...man I sue did not want to find you recent here after logging in following all this time. Buddy, I am truly smiling your direction for what its worth. I missed you you[Virtual glass clinging]. Whatever pain you feel right now, raise up a smile with me right quick.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
You were right about the MLC forum; it has a totally weird vibe. It's like psychedelic with weird textures and sounds. It's like reality is distorted and twisted. I like the colors, but the unusual moving sensations make me nauseous.
Shame on you for having pangs over the 23 year old woman. She's your daughter's age; what are you thinking? I think I may be pregnant with her child. Maybe that was just a reality distortion. I'm not sure. It's totally weird here.
I think I need some Canadian cookies to settle my stomach.
{{{{{Andrew}}}}} Good morning! You know, while it doesn't feel great right now, you're instinctively following nature's path for this time of year - this is the dark 1/8th of the year - less and less sun as we head towards the solstice, nature and the earth resting after the final harvest. What you're feeling is part and parcel of this stage of things, I think, and healthy although not necessarily easy to go through.
You're winding up a decades-long relationship. You're wise to give yourself time and space. You will definitely feel better once it's finalized, but then may feel a little worse after that too. It's ok.
Service work has helped me immensely, kicking up the GAL exponentially. You may want to consider that.
In the meantime, {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} and congrats on enticing Doodler to the MLC forum. Hi Doodler. You should hang here a little more often. Your humor is delightful.
Andrew, I cannot really add much more to what's already been said other than this too shall pass and it will not always be this way, I promise. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I just got back from my lawyer's office and signing the agreement. It wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I'm more annoyed than anything - the other side didn't sign first even though they originated the document.
My lawyer looked a bit concerned when she heard that my STBX would have had opportunity to sign already and that she still hasn't arranged to come back for the last of her stuff. I suspect that she will be nudging. From the stories I've read here plus the excellent advice from job over the past I'm not too surprised that this is dragging. Annoyed yes, surprised no, especially considering that my STBX has never been good at dealing with unpleasant things. According to SIL1 who is still watching her Facebook feed there have been some posts about moving on to an uncertain future so I think I'm safe from her showing up on my doorstep.
For now I am operating as if I'm both bound by the agreement and also not. Some of the paperwork that is predicated on the agreement being in place I'm holding off on but will still be making the first spousal payment this week.
Mind you, I was surprised by something the other day. STBX has volunteered for Girl Guides for many years. It was a big part of her identity complete with custom vanity license plates etc. She has always participated in the Remembrance Day ceremonies with the girls as well. She wasn't there on Saturday. Perhaps she's dropped it. No clue when. I didn't go to the local service last year. I recall as well that someone was looking for cookies on Facebook and a number of leader's names were given, but not her's.
At the ceremony I stood with the lady from the book shop and we chatted a bit. It felt awkward. She sent me an email later asking if everything was OK and I responded that I thought that there was "something not right" about her and I. She was OK with that although she did comment that she hadn't really considered our dinner a "date" but just two people who enjoyed each other's company. Weird feelings for me. In my prior experience with being single I was never the one to end a relationship. I didn't have many but I was usually the "dumpee". I suppose this is something that I will have to come to terms with in my new life. I do think that I need to be sure that if I do date someone and that it doesn't feel right that I cut it cleanly and quickly. There aren't any dating prospects on the horizon though. Just like with a lot of other things, I'm putting it on hold until after the divorce is done. There's no rush.
Ah well. S23 is off at his construction job today and I'm working from home because of the lawyer appointment. I need to decide what to make for dinner. I did make a pumpkin pie on Sunday from the Halloween pumpkin I had and it turned out rather nice if I do say so myself. If I dust off my online dating profile at some future date I may put up pictures of my pies
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
When I am the one who originates the agreement, I never sign first. I find that someone who sends me a signed agreement is trying to be pushy. I would not read anything into it.
I am sure the bookshop lady appreciates you making it clear that there was no love connection. People don't want to be patronized in that way.
Agree with Ownit. I wouldn’t get annoyed about the signatures. Just hope she signs soon for your sake. Agree, no rush in dating and feel like you and the book lady can still be friends, if you want.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
On a whim I went back and had a look at my old thread earlier. Exactly 1 year ago I took of my wedding ring. Shortly after that I got a temp check from her which gave me hope which was shortly crushed.
It feels like longer.
Tomorrow I make the first spousal support payment. My budget will be tighter going forward but not in an unsustainable fashion. My travel agent is looking for a way to put me on a beach early in the new year. I need a break. I think I'm in a place now where I can comfortably vacation on my own.
I think that things are going reasonably well with S23. He was cheerful this evening despite the fact that he's not feeling well. Going from no job to 2, both of which are demanding is tough on him. He is currently applying muscle rub. I'm glad that I had the luxury of supporting him and that he's found his feet underneath himself "on his own". I think still that the key issue he had before was performance anxiety and he may have moved beyond that.
STBX is supposed to have arranged with S23 to pick up her last remaining things. I asked him tonight and he hasn't heard anything and it's now been almost a month. He and I had talked about it before and he seemed OK with it but he looked annoyed at me when I suggested that he may need to contact her. I don't know what his relationship is with his mother and neither want to presume on it, nor to push him toward / away.
I may need some advice later from the hive-mind on what to do. My lawyer did say that she could do what she calls a "shotgun letter" if the stuff isn't picked up in a reasonable amount of time. It's not underfoot but having it gone would be helpful for closure. My opinion right now is that I need to go one step at a time in the legal process. Get the separation papers signed, get the real-estate and new mortgage sorted out, the divorce done and then I can really and truly start locking the doors behind me and peeking through the front windows and start singing a new song.
I expect that the separation and mortgage and stuff will be done before Christmas and the divorce filed. It takes between 6 weeks and 3 months here from what I understand for that paperwork to get processed. Prior to my 54th birthday most likely.
Will she contact me prior to Christmas for any reason? I don't think so. Since S23 is living with me it can be an assumption that he'll be spending Christmas morning with me. Traditionally she and I used to go and visit D25 for American Thanksgiving. I doubt that she is going down. That will make it 2 full years since she's seen her daughter and counting. Her life is completely opaque to me. Even from joint friends or the people who are watching her social media feed there is silence. It's as if she has spent the last 18 months hiding in a cave.
Well - I was fired from the job of worrying about her but some days I still think about her welfare. I am only human. With the combination of the holidays and the divorce and perhaps an amount of limbo between her and her guy I do wonder if she will pop out of the tunnel or not. Perhaps I'm popping out of my own which has me fidgity.
Well - I just finished a nice piece of the pumpkin pie that I made on Sunday. If nothing else I am probably eating healthier (very little sugar in the pie) than I did when I was married. Time to turn on the electric blanket so at least part of the bed will be warm when I get into it. Get a good night's sleep and then face tomorrow.
Oh - and doodler if you are following along in the home game, to retrieve the electronic transfer tomorrow, my STBX will need to answer a "skill testing question". I waffled about making it difficult or some form of truth-dart. You'll be disappointed that the answer to the question will be neither of those but it was fun speculating on what I could have done.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
