I've been in the background watching for a few months, but too closed off in my shell to post or reach out for help. I've done everything wrong so far, I seriously should be a case study for what not to do. My divorce is in 6 weeks, and where I would absolutely love to have my wife come home - I am now bracing for what appears to be inevitable.
My story is so long and drama filled I wouldnt even know where to start. We were married in 3/2015, but she left me for another man in 2013 for about 3 months. She lied quite a bit, and was having an affair with him for about 6 months before leaving - and we werent engaged yet. She eventually came back, but it never really was the same again. I ended up getting dependent on pain medication in mid 2014, we married in March 2015. She starts an EA in June 2016, turns to PA in July 2016 and I discover the Affair in September 2016. She promises to leave the OM, we start working on our marriage - but in Jan 2017 I catch her sleeping at the OM's house again. She immediately moves out and into an apartment that i later find out the OM owns but doesnt reside in. She files for D in 2/2017 but doesnt serve me. We go to first court date in April, and judge scolds her for not serving me properly (she threw the papers in my foyer and took a picture with her phone as proof of service). That day she has me served by having her boyfriend deliver my divorce papers to my attorney. Yes, I actually got served by my WW's AP. There have been a few times where she has come back and we have been intimate but no actual sex. She gets very angry with me when she hears that I might have seen another woman, or really anything that would make it look like I am getting a life. So I have pretty much done nothing. I find out she went to Spain with this guy, and this guy updated his FB profile with pics of my wife and him. I immediately fall into a deep and dark depression, and my pain medication use spirals out of control.
3 weeks ago, I gave up the pain meds - and am trying to get past this. But it's difficult with all of her lies and deceptive actions. Oh the stories I could share. I think I am dealing with a narcissistic personality, at the bare minimum a personality disorder. She has no empathy, and seems to care only about herself.
Anyways. I just want to know what do I do.
Me: BS, 47 Her: WW, 35 M: 8 years Bomb: 9/2017 caught her with OM checking into hotel Bomb 2: 1/2017 caught her sleeping at OM home D filed: 2/2017 Date i was served BY OM: 5/2017 D-Date: 10/2017
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
So....she's always been a liar, cheater and has some type of personality disorder? You have no kids. There's 3.5 billion women on earth. Dodge the bullet and move on.
She gets very angry with me when she hears that I might have seen another woman, or really anything that would make it look like I am getting a life. So I have pretty much done nothing.
First, welcome to the forum. You are not alone, and you will find tremendous support here.
Second, get and read Divorce Busting.
Third, don't worry about having done "the wrong" things. That doesn't matter. It's in the past. Start doing the right things.
Fourth, she gets angry if you see other women or get a life? So f***ing what? She's divorcing you!!!!! Grow a spine! I'm sorry if that is unduly harsh, but the ONLY WAY you have a chance of getting her back is to get a life. Desperation is NOT attractive.
Fifth, make sure you protect your assets.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
I've been in the background watching for a few months, but too closed off in my shell to post or reach out for help. I've done everything wrong so far, I seriously should be a case study for what not to do. My divorce is in 6 weeks, and where I would absolutely love to have my wife come home - I am now bracing for what appears to be inevitable.
My story is so long and drama filled I wouldnt even know where to start. We were married in 3/2015, but she left me for another man in 2013 for about 3 months.
just for my own clarification, you say you have been married 8 years but then the date suggests otherwise. Were you living together for 8 years? And is the OM she left you for, the same guy?
She lied quite a bit, and was having an affair with him for about 6 months before leaving - and we werent engaged yet. She eventually came back, but it never really was the same again. what was addressed during the break up and what triggered her return, if you know?
I ended up getting dependent on pain medication in mid 2014, we married in March 2015. -- how is the pain med issue going? What was the original injury?
There have been a few times where she has come back and we have been intimate but no actual sex. She gets very angry with me when she hears that I might have seen another woman, or really anything that would make it look like I am getting a life. So I have pretty much done nothing. I find out she went to Spain with this guy, and this guy updated his FB profile with pics of my wife and him. I immediately fall into a deep and dark depression, and my pain medication use spirals out of control.
3 weeks ago, I gave up the pain meds - and am trying to get past this. But it's difficult How did the pills affect your marriage?
What support do you have in getting off the meds? It's extremely hard to do, and remain off, without a structured support system and program. Believe me, I know.
Despite the understandable urge to zone out and numb our pain, it may be part of why you are here and regardless, you need to be on alert for this b/c it's your life and we don't get do overs.
How do you feel about that^^ statement?
I think I am dealing with a narcissistic personality, at the bare minimum a personality disorder. She has no empathy, and seems to care only about herself. well, a lot of us use these^^^ terms probably too loosely as we are not qualified to diagnose and asses. Besides, it's not helpful if you seek a reconciliation.
Plus I think it oversimplifies the marital issues and puts all the blame on the "crazy bad" spouse. We cannot control (or treat) our spouses, so our focus here has to be on what WE CAN do.
What would you wife say if she were here? And of her complaints or objections about you as her h,
are there any valid things you would like to work on in yourself?
Anyways. I just want to know what do I do.
GAL and I really mean that. You need to counter her negative images so that she believes her "negative data" about you is not real or is no longer real.
You want her to wonder what has happened to you and if you are now becoming the husband she was hoping for OR who you once were.
What were you like when she fell in love with you?
Work on your program for opiate dependence and become a husband only a fool would leave.
What would that look like?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Protect yourself financially and make sure you have met a Lawyer asap.
You need not "do" anything but if you wife has actually filed, and she has, you MUST have a lawyer asap.
This ^^ is not really debatable, in my opinion.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
