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A Message from Michele
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Re: Vent Fest [Re: Ginger1] #2757364
08/21/17 01:37 PM
08/21/17 01:37 PM
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JujuB Online
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Glad your surgery went ok ginger!

It is surreal to have OWs mother wishing you a recovery. Honestly, i think its just a testament as to what a likeable, relatable and popular person you are. Bet ya cant say the same about her daughter.

It was my anniversary last week. I only just now remembered it after reading your post. It doesnt mean im healed, only that i have more obsessive things that are occupying my mind.

And im with you, trying to acclimate to the unfairness of life. Im amazed at how some people and marriages survive, yet mine didnt last.
I camt believe how easy of a time the walkaways on here seem to have meeting people they connect with. I still would rather be us then them though.

And i agree with what fogg said. You are a really great and inspirational person. Get plenty of rest and hope your bqck to yourself as quickly as possible.


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
Re: Vent Fest [Re: JujuB] #2757399
08/22/17 02:11 AM
08/22/17 02:11 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 582
UK
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Treasur Offline
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Glad to hear surgery went well and that people are giving you love and care, Ginger.

I know we all wince to see the pain and sorrow in this forum. But it is also about love. Hundreds of love stories, love in impossible situations, love for spouses and children and family. The kind of gritty real love that is hard to do and an extraordinary gift. And love for each other too. The love is worth celebrating even if some of our spouses no longer want it or feel it.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

Re: Vent Fest [Re: Treasur] #2757411
08/22/17 02:43 AM
08/22/17 02:43 AM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 805
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Originally Posted By: Treasur
Glad to hear surgery went well and that people are giving you love and care, Ginger.

I know we all wince to see the pain and sorrow in this forum. But it is also about love. Hundreds of love stories, love in impossible situations, love for spouses and children and family. The kind of gritty real love that is hard to do and an extraordinary gift. And love for each other too. The love is worth celebrating even if some of our spouses no longer want it or feel it.


Love this! Thank you.


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
Re: Vent Fest [Re: focus22] #2757478
08/22/17 06:07 AM
08/22/17 06:07 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline
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Yes it's so true that there is a great deal of love and humanity on this forum. It's what keeps me coming back, even though all things relating to my M are long settled.

Ginger, pleased to hear that things went smoothly with your op and I wish you a speedy recovery. :)xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Vent Fest [Re: Ginger1] #2757484
08/22/17 06:28 AM
08/22/17 06:28 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,733
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted By: Ginger1
If I sound weird and babbly it's because of the pain meds. I had something much more eloquent in my head, but I am a bit loopy


Ginger,

I'm also glad things are going well for you. And, like you, I always have something more eloquent in my head, but as soon as I start writing it comes out completely differently.

I hope you heal quickly, but in the meantime, you should enjoy sitting around while you can.

Re: Vent Fest [Re: Ginger1] #2757954
08/25/17 02:13 AM
08/25/17 02:13 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,196
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Thanks Juju and treasur.

I don't know where my PMA is right now because I think I am going a little nutty. I am sad my dad and stepmom are gone and I am home alone all day on the couch. My baby is still on vacation but she calls me and texts me and even took me shopping with her at the old navy outlet yesterday via FaceTime. She wanted me to help her pick out clothes. She was rude to OWW for a minute there and I had to tell her not to be disrespectful and apologize. She did.

I have had some visitors at night who have brought me food and some things to keep me busy. The weather is gorgeous here and I want out so bad. I managed to climb up my back 2 patio steps yesterday and enjoyed the weather. I may be a rebel and hop in the car today and go through the rive through at starbucks.

When the summer nears, I get sad and a little anxiety. I don't do good with the winter or the holidays. Last year, I had my gym and my new friends, something structured to do and that really helped me. Five nights a week I had some where to be and I was a part of a group and I was getting fit, and I made friends. I don't have that this year.

I was also thinking about how I would give anything to go back to the months of February through May. Yes, FF and me time. I would give a leg (kind of a pun) to have that back. I had never felt so good in so many years of my life as I did during that time. It was finally a time in my life I knew why I was going through everything I did for the past 10 years of my life. For the sweetness of that time.

I do look at how the WAS finds someone immediately or even during, and even those who have been on here, didn't save their marriage, but are getting remarried, or in a LTR. Then there is me, once again, an exception to the rule. I wish I knew why. But maybe there is no explanation. It's just bad luck like my knee was. I did nothing wrong with me knee. I jumped. ANd it as nothing more than bad luck and there is no explanation. Maybe that's why I am still single and nothing has worked out yet. Bad luck. I don't think I could have done anything different if I tried. I don't like feeling helpless. I like to know there is something I can do to change the outcome, because I will do it, and I will give it my all. But there is simply nothing I can do.

Good news is the paper I wrote while I was in pain and all dopey I got full-credit for. I was nervous for that one. I am almost done with school. It will be such a relief. Sometimes I can't believe I will have actually done it. I'm proud of me.

Today I will begin my paper for Sunday. Sunday my dad and stepmom are taking me and gabby to a local resturaunt which is at our airport (would you imagine my 8 sq mi town doesn't have a highschool, but it has an airport) and we are going to eat dinner outside. That's what I wanted very badly, just to be outside and enjoy the weather before it is gone. I love them for making it happen.

I am hanging in. No visitors today or tomorrow unfortunately, but I will keep busy. But for the meantime, I am learning to enjoy my time to do absolutely nothing. It's weird as heck.

Re: Vent Fest [Re: Ginger1] #2757978
08/25/17 04:24 AM
08/25/17 04:24 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,853
Right where I need to be
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Fogg Offline
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Right where I need to be
Great job on the paper! Keep it up.

Why does it have to be bad luck as the reason you aren't remarried or in a LTR? Why can't it be it good luck you had time to find yourself, grow as a person and wait for the right situation to come around? Just because it's taken time to happen doesn't mean it will never happen, life happens on its own timeline for us all. I'm at almost 3 years and I understand part of the pain, so Im sure I'll relate to some of the feelings. Seeing people jump in and it all works out, or appears to. But does it really? No one really knows how healthy a R is looking at it from the outside. I know someone and on FB they appear to have a great and loving M and family. After BD I talked with her and we discussed things and it turns out she's one step from being a WAW. Appearance isnt everything and I think you've developed alot of the great qualities as an individual that people lack and never take the chance to develop. A R in time will come and you will be ready for it no matter what happens. Fight through the lies telling you something is wrong or it's bad luck.

I'd take 10 years on my own vs getting sucked into the wrong relationship, spin it to a positive even if it's not what you would prefer or happens to others.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Re: Vent Fest [Re: Fogg] #2757985
08/25/17 04:56 AM
08/25/17 04:56 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
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KGirl Offline
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I empathize with this. I also am used to being able to change things/try harder/take action/etc. to get things to be how I want them to be or to be successful (miss type A valedictorian/4.0 college student/always president of everything over here) and this is the one area where it's literally outside my control because the outcome has to depend on someone else. Sometimes I want to go on "love at first sight", the show where a psychologist picks a match for you and then you marry them sight unseen. At least I know they're in it despite having no idea what they're getting into laugh I miss those "being in a relationship" times too and just having someone to watch TV with or tell about your day or get a text from. Keep us informed on what works to get that PMA back smile


Me:30 H:29, no kids
T:12, M:4 (when D was final)
12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore"
6/14: Separated (I move)
1/15: H filed for D
5/15: D final
Re: Vent Fest [Re: KGirl] #2757988
08/25/17 05:13 AM
08/25/17 05:13 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,138
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Dawn70 Offline
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I TOTALLY agree with Fogg...I'm wondering why it has to be bad luck that you aren't remarried or in a LTR. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand where you are coming from because I occasionally get that same feeling, but then I remind myself that I'm happy and life is good and when it the time is right, love will find me again. Maybe it is just because I'm getting older and grouchier, but I don't mind the alone time. Sure, I miss intimacy; I miss lots of things about having a partner, actually, but when I really look at how my life is going, it is pretty darn good. I know it is easier said than done, but you have SO much positive to focus on, so try that and maybe it will alleviate some of that pressure that you put on yourself. I think that you and I approach things from very similar mindsets sometimes and trust me when I say I KNOW it can be hard to keep a sunny outlook. I have to REALLY fight to do it some days, but I do because I find that everything just seems to go better that way. Hang in there, lady. You are amazing and there is some amazing guy out there who is going to bowl you over when the time is right. wink


Me 49, XH 51
3 adult daughters from his first marriage
3 grandsons, 1 granddaughter
My 1st marriage, his 2nd
BD 9/29/2014
H moved out 10/6/2014
H filed D 11/4/2014
D final 12/17/2014
Re: Vent Fest [Re: Dawn70] #2758293
08/28/17 01:33 AM
08/28/17 01:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 4,196
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Ginger1 Online OP
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Fogg, Kgril, and Dawn,

I have been thinking about things (because really, I have plenty of time). Fogg, I would have to say it was about at the 5 year point that I began to feel this way, only to have it intensify over the past few years. I embraced those first 5 years (after getting over the tragedy and obstablces I had ) and I took that time for me. I reconnected fully with my long time friends, I made new ones, I had a social life of my own, I did and continue to the do the best as a motherless and partnerless newbie mom. I developed hobbies, and I enjoyed doing my own thing with no one to answer to. It was great. I found out who ME was independent of anyone else. Sure, I had a guy in my life and we were eachothers default for companionship. But otherwise my life has been solo for most of my real adult years. The desire to share my new found life became really apparent at year five, and only increased as time went on. Then when I got a taste of it, it because just too strong I guess. I went from 27 year old new mom divorcee and now I am a woman reaching her 40's (yikes) and I lost my chance at another child, and I am just needing what I haven't gotten, well, ever really in my life.

That being said, oh yes, I would way rather be single than with the wrong guy. I married the wrong guy and look where that got me! And I have had some valuable lessons dating the past few years where I am still learning about myself and relationships.

I guess with all the time on my hands, I have had time to sit here and really see I am an oddity. I just don't know why it hasn't happened. I am better at stopping the thoughts that want to creep in that say "you are unlovable". Because I think I am worth the whole shebang. I really do thing I have a lot to offer. I want to be the woman who a guy couldn't just give or take so easily, but couldn't imagine not being with me.

Whatever the reason, it's obvious I still have to be utterly patient.

One last downer, then I will get to the happy stuff.

I am absolutely thrilled my baby is home from her vacation! My dad and his wife came back this weekend, we went out to dinner Saturday which felt sooooo good, we took a spin (literally, I got a motorized cart)and went shopping at Walmart because I could! Thenw e ate outside at the airport and it was nice. Today is my first post-op apt and I will be starting PT this week.

Ok, so, this is just me journaling my feelings, not a complaint. My ex and OWW took D9 to a concert 2 days before leaving for vacation, went on vacation, now they are home and this week he will take her to this kiddie park with her aunt and cousins. I am happy he does stuff with her. But the Disney dad thing gets under my skin sometimes while I do the real parenting and he just has the fun. My most important outcome is my daughter is happy and is getting these experiences. But yeah, it bothers me I can't be the one. I did not bring her on vacation this year, I got injured early in the summer so we couldn't do too many activities. And now on the days she has home with me before summer ends I really can't do anything with her. It just stinks. Next year I have got to give her a vacation. Oh, and she gets a cruise next year because that is what his sister wants for her 40th birthday. For everyone to go on a cruise. So, yes, I am happy my child gets these experiences. My inability to give her them makes me sad.

I am doing my best to remain patient in all areas of my life. Patient in waiting to heal, to get back out there and have some fun, to find the right guy. It's a whole lot of patience that I admittedly run out of sometimes.

Hey, I finished my last full class! I can't believe I am going to be Ginger RN, BSN soon.

I do look back on my life and I have accomplished a lot, on my own, against many odds. I take great pride in that.

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