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Henwen Offline OP
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So I just got a text from stbxh. Someone is starting to feeel the sting and reality of divorce. He is saying how he will have a mortgage to
Pay when he is 65. Our current house is mortgage free. He said that he will be working until he past retirement to pay his bills. This is the first talk since he left that he had mentioned any uncertainty in his future. I feel this is a big step. Just not sure which way it will go.


Me: 41 H: 45
T:21 yrs
S:16 D: 13 S: 12
BD: October 2016
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
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Originally Posted By: Henwen
So I just got a text from stbxh. Someone is starting to feeel the sting and reality of divorce. He is saying how he will have a mortgage to
Pay when he is 65. Our current house is mortgage free. He said that he will be working until he past retirement to pay his bills.

the reality of divorce is not at all "better than expected" for the person in your h's shoes. For ME, there are more upsides than for xh. I don't think I'm alone in this; literally every divorced woman I know - who was the LBS - , is happier now that they are single.

And many WAS's keep looking over their shoulder b/c they have to when something does not go their way. They have to wonder if their choices were good ones, whereas the LBS makes the best of their situation and has fewer second thoughts.


This is the first talk since he left that he had mentioned any uncertainty in his future. I feel this is a big step. Just not sure which way it will go.



I think he's whining about the cost of his choice. NOT saying he wants back in, but how unfair it is TO HIM.

Please let him wallow in his self pity, alone. Do not point out "well I told you!" And do not comfort him for consequences of his choices.

A short "yes, I guess so." Or "sounds hard". OR saying nothing and getting back to your life.

Show him no anger. I hope you hear that, b/c your anger is not going to help you.

If anger does not serve you, don't show it. If you still feel the anger, use it as a call to action but say nothing to him. It's not productive.

Hang in there.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Henwen Offline OP
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No anger. I dropped my anger awhile ago. I pretty much said what you said lol. He didn't answer back. Because there is no answer. This is of his making. I'm just glad reality is finally making its way thru his thick head.


Me: 41 H: 45
T:21 yrs
S:16 D: 13 S: 12
BD: October 2016
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 147
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Henwen Offline OP
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Wow it's been months since I posted. And what a different place I am in now then back then lol. Still separated. Thank goodness you couldn't pay me to go back to him now. But I'm frustrated. He is refusing to move his stuff out of my house or take it. I asked him to originally come and pack his stuff, but he wouldn't. So then I said I would pack it, if he supplied me with the moving materials. Nope. So now I am packing it and supplying the moving materials. But now he won't come and take it. We had originally agreed upon collaborative law, to make it easier and cheaper. Now he tells me that i won't be telling him what to do. So I said ok then I will just get my own lawyer. He said fine if you want war you got war. I don't have enough money to have a war out with him. I don't want a war. I just want it over with. Easy and peacefully. I don't want war because of our kids. And we still work together. He keeps telling me it's his way of the highway. Yet 6 months ago he agreed we needed to do the lawyers and if I got the names he would call. Which I did. So my I'm just frustrated he's playing this game. I'm trying to be cordial because we work together and he would be the type to make my life hell at work. But seriously. Enough is enough. I want this guy out of my personal life and everything just done. So anyone have any advice on how to handle an idiot like this lol.


Me: 41 H: 45
T:21 yrs
S:16 D: 13 S: 12
BD: October 2016
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