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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
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dale165 Offline OP
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Oh and as far as the GAL and detaching, I'm giving a good faith effort this time. By blocking her life and actions out, my head and attitude has changed tremendously.


M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year
T 7 Years

Wife left October 2016
Affair began August 2016

Me 31 years old
Wife 29 years old
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 15
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Hey Dale, try reading on chumplady.com, it might change your perspective on things. I used to want to save my marriage so bad, but all I was doing was stressing myself out and diminishing my self worth. If it was meant to be, it'll happen and it must be genuine reconciliation. I realized that if my husband wanted to reconcile with me, I would have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life, is that the marriage I want to be in? Hell no! The Marine in me says take the high road, have moral integrity, and have the courage to live your life authentically for YOUR happiness.


Me: 37
H: 32
S:10 D: 9
Married: 11 years
Sep: 6/25/17
D filed: 7/13/17
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
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dale165 Offline OP
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Posts: 170
Sophene I just noticed you left me something, thank you that's actually what I wanted to talk about:)

So next week is a year since W left. She has been having the affair for over 14 months now. I was all bent out of shape about her going on that cruise about 3 weeks ago that actually while and after it happened I wish she would have just lived on the boat! It was a nice feeling, like she didn't even exist. I'm pretty close to being detached now. Not much desire to speak with her. She said she really missed talking to me while on her cruise and was scared I would never talk to her again. I just told her that I cant control her. Day after she gets back is our 2 year anniversary. I took it really well, she texts me saying she's very sad and misses me and our dogs and my mom. I tell her I miss those times too and that was that.

I got back from my Vegas bachelor party on Monday. Had a blast with my friends. 95% of my friends and family live 45 to an hour away. Im getting very tired of waiting. Seeing my friends just made me want to move back home. Those guys, parents, aunts uncles live there and I miss seeing them. I know that's not very far but I think Im ready to move back. Im tired of waiting on W. I can see she's pretty miserable now and quite frankly I had enough. At least I think. I was going to let her file but she never seems to get around to it. Im ready to do it myself, the forms are quite simple.

30 years old, no kids and W stayed faithful in the M for 9ish months. I feel like I'm wasting time in Limbo and ready to start new. Any ideas, like waiting a month to see if I still feel the same? Been feeling this way for probably a month now but seeing a lot of my friends just intensified it.


M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year
T 7 Years

Wife left October 2016
Affair began August 2016

Me 31 years old
Wife 29 years old
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 15
S
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 15
Hey Dale, my advice is to move on with your life because she didn’t care enough to stay with you so why are you giving her the power to stress yourself out? As soon as I went minimal contact with my STBXH, my mind and sanity was clear. Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is suppose to be reciprocated and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. In the mean time, continue to work on you so that YOU can be happy. Waiting on her to be happy is a form of codependency and I was at one point in that stage. You want a partnership, not someone to depend on you for happiness. Will you check out the chumplady website for more clarity?


Me: 37
H: 32
S:10 D: 9
Married: 11 years
Sep: 6/25/17
D filed: 7/13/17
Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
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dale165 Offline OP
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Joined: May 2017
Posts: 170
I actually have a read a few of the chump lady back in my wild how to save a marriage google searches back in the beginning lol

I have been moving on quite a bit. My main issue is that the logistics of my home is not good. Moved out here for the W. This her area with all her friends and family. Most of mine is a hour away. Also, my job is in a city that is closer to my hometown. If I want to make partner in the coming years I need to expand my book of business. I can network 1000% more in my hometown which is 15 minutes from work. Besides work, everything else is just a hassle as far as visiting. If I do move, that would almost certainly put the final nail in the coffin of the M.

As far as W goes, this sat will be one year gone. Have not seen any major improvements with the exception that her tone went from her life is great to now her life [censored]. So that tells me at least she knows what she did is wrong and she is regretting it. She tells me sometimes that she regularly things about life back with me and tries to figure how it will be different. So she is still playing me or she is serious. Tired of waiting either way. I'm no where close to invested in the M like 95% of you guys so I'm ready to just start over. A lot of you guys have been married for decades, my W left before a year of M.

As far as my life, I've been doing pretty good. I think what killed my M was me not reaching out and being vulnerable, asking for help, and generally just making an effort to maintain and further develop relationships. I've been reaching out to family and friends 100 times more and actually initiating contact. I even tell them I love them at the end which is unheard from me. I used to wait for others to contact me and develop friendships/family/love etc. Trying to take charge of that and really bond with people again.


M 1.5 years, her affair was before 1 year
T 7 Years

Wife left October 2016
Affair began August 2016

Me 31 years old
Wife 29 years old
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 15
S
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Offline
New Member
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Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 15
Hey Dale, so go ahead and make your big move. What have you got to lose besides the nonexistence of your marriage? Do what makes you happy, your wife obviously is doing what she thinks is making her happy. Being closer to supportive friends and family will help you out more. There are some people that get divorce and get remarried years later, if it's meant to be, but don't even wait around for that.

I'm in the process of getting the divorce now and the way I see it, I cannot make a person love me so sticking around and waiting for my STBXH to come back to me is a diminish of my self worth and shows my children that it's acceptable to become a doormat when the person you're married to is instantly forgiven when he goes outside the marriage.

I'm involved with a lot of marriage, infidelity, etc. sites so I can get a perspective on a lot of things. You can also put your story in the chumplady forum as well, there are many others who have been cheated on and can offer you some great advice. Although I would love to save my marriage, at this point, infidelity is a deal breaker for me, but to each their own.


Me: 37
H: 32
S:10 D: 9
Married: 11 years
Sep: 6/25/17
D filed: 7/13/17
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