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A Message from Michele
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Re: Working on indifference [Re: Treasur] #2755978
08/10/17 07:16 PM
08/10/17 07:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
T
T384 Offline OP
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T384  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
Hi train,

There will always be another time. We are up there quite often and since there is a small airport not far from my house that flies Allegiant into Asheville like super cheap we fly up there sometimes instead of driving I just missed booking the flight early enough and it was insane how expensive it was.

The beginning letters of each sentence are important. Is that why we capitalize them? Grammar, punctuation, etc has always been something I noticed throughout my years in school. A friend and I always joke about the different there, their, and they're and how a lot of people don't use it correctly.

My Understanding Really Regrets .... there are so many choices I would do differently had I have to walk down this path again. It's 3 am and I just put the baby back to bed. I am exhausted and am sure my words aren't even making sense

People used to always used to ask me if my family was a part of the mob or had any relation . They would say T, is your dad in the 'dump truck' business lol ... big Paulie.

Treasur- thank you for your kind words. You are right. I have said that many times. It's just absolutely crap what he's doing and crap how he's handling it. Just not good all around. I had a terrible dream earlier that we got into a huge screaming match and he took the kids. I was happy it was a nightmare and not real life when I woke up.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: Working on indifference [Re: T384] #2756004
08/10/17 11:55 PM
08/10/17 11:55 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
G
Ginger1 Offline
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Ginger1  Offline
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
Originally Posted By: T384
But my dad says he was good until things got a little difficult. Me being pregnant school working etc and him not getting his butt kissed everyday. Then someone else paid him attention and the rest is history. I don't want to have to worry everyday for the rest of my life if I paid him enough attention or if someone is going to catch his eye. But is he like that because he's a serial cheater or is he like that because I wasn't enough for him? I know you all think I'm dumb but I'm really trying to look at myself. Was I just not good enough?



I want to hug you and shake the crap out of you right now. First, I am reading my life here. My ex required lots and lots of attention. he was like caring for a toddler. Everyone knew it and everyone say it, and I catered to him and everyone would call me a saint. As long as I was there walking on eggshells making sure his needs were cared for he stayed. Well, guess what? We found out about his infertility about how we would have to go through IVF, he would have to get his nuts cut open, ect. It worked and I got pregnant, but I was high risk, working a tough job and I was jacked up on all sorts of hormones. I barely complained but I let him know I needed to lean on him a little more. I told myself now is the time to let him care for me and see how much he truly loves me. I always made sure the fact he wasn't capable for caring for me the way a husband should for a wife because I didn't want to face the reality of it. So what happened? he cheated on me during my pregnancy, and left me for her after the baby was born.

He blamed me and the kind of person I was since we had begun IVF. Yup, I changed. I needed him and I couldn't put him so high up on a pedestal anymore. And the fault I took in that all these years was that I should have never done that. Because it was expected. I was a good wife. Not perfect, but a good one who loved him very much. I was more than good enough for him, actually.

So, yeah, my ex chose another woman who has extremely low self esteem, who caters to him, who takes his abuse when I stopped taking it. My ex remarried at 31. He could have had more kids, his wife wanted kids. But he literally told my friend "I can barely handle one part-time, I am not doing it full-time". He at least knows he cannot have the same person be his wife and the mother of his child. He is a child himself who requires extensive attention and thinks things should be a certain way.

I tell this story because I look back on this. I would have spent the rest of my life in front of our daughter trying to be "good enough" for him so he didn't run to the next one. I had burnt myself out doing that. I would have lost my mind by now. I was losing my mind back then. it wasn't that I wasn't good enough. I finally faced that. My worth isn't based on who he is. One person cannot make a guy do what your ex did. It is a awful flaw within him, one that you cannot fix or take responsibility for. Your dad is absolutely right, he will keep doing this. And if you stick around for that, it will destroy you. You are too amazing of a woman and a mother to let someone destroy you like that.

I want you to do an exercise and pretend that you are your friend watching this from the outside. What advice would you give her? What would you tell her about the person she is?

You are good enough.

Last edited by Cadet; 08/11/17 12:12 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Re: Working on indifference [Re: Ginger1] #2756019
08/11/17 12:55 AM
08/11/17 12:55 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 582
UK
T
Treasur Offline
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Treasur  Offline
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T
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 582
UK
I agree, T. You are absolutely good enough. Your H by contrast wouldn't be getting big scores as either a man, a husband or a father...not your job to put lipstick on a pig.


Me: 53 H:38
T:20 M:14
BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression
S 1/16
PA 4/16
H filed 1/17

Re: Working on indifference [Re: Treasur] #2756024
08/11/17 01:47 AM
08/11/17 01:47 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Maybell Offline
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Maybell  Offline
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M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
You are not dumb at all. We just try to keep you forward focused. You're doing amazing, and I'm so excited to see all the ways you're finding your power. Keep it up!!!!


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Re: Working on indifference [Re: Maybell] #2756051
08/11/17 03:15 AM
08/11/17 03:15 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
T
Train Offline
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Train  Offline
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T
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
T,

I bet Cadet will be by soon to tell you it's time to start a new thread.

Which city are you in down there, T?


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Re: Working on indifference [Re: Train] #2756053
08/11/17 03:29 AM
08/11/17 03:29 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
T
Train Offline
Member
Train  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
PS H used to live in Daytona Beach!


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Re: Working on indifference [Re: Train] #2756062
08/11/17 03:59 AM
08/11/17 03:59 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
T
T384 Offline OP
Member
T384  Offline OP
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
Sunny Florida
Haha we are in a little beach town about 15 minutes south of Daytona - new Smyrna beach. Find me on FB


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
Re: Working on indifference [Re: T384] #2756065
08/11/17 04:00 AM
08/11/17 04:00 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
T
Train Offline
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Train  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
Gotcha. PS Did I ever tell you I have a pet pig? He's precious!


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Re: Working on indifference [Re: Train] #2756075
08/11/17 04:27 AM
08/11/17 04:27 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,292
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,292
NY


Me-67, D34,S33
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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