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Ginger1 Offline OP
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...goin down the only road I've ever known

I think I may have actually linked correctly!

KML,

As to your advice it is all great. My area happens to be one of the highest for rentals. I am paying a mortgage payment in rent. And I have nothing to show for it in the end. However, on the flip side, houses are very expensive here. I am essentially boxed into buying in my small town due to the school system. My choices are very limited. My town is like 6 sq miles, and a decent portion is flood zone and hurricaine Irene had houses seeing water up to the second floor. Those are the semi affordable houses.

I did speak to D9 about the possibility of looking at the town over which is pricey, but has more options, more condos too. She goes to aftercare and camp in that town and knows some kids. She asked me to wait until she finishes her first year of middle school for that. I appreciate and understand that.

As far as meeting Mr. Perfect? I've been waiting the last 9 years in hopes that I would meet someone and we would move in together. I can't hinge my life on that anymore. I want to settle myself. This house was going to make a nice profit if I got it, which is why I really wanted it. I am looking for places with a good resale value or potential to rent.

However, for the time being, I live in a very nice rental. My landlords could get so much more money for it, but they are content knowing they have good tenants instead. I've got a pretty nice roof over our heads. So I am not in any particular rush.

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Sooooooo........

FF is not dating or interested in that girl. A friend actually asked his sister. Her answer was "he ll no!"

Friend said FF sister misses me. I miss her too. D9 said on the way to our other gym last night, I miss (gym) and I miss FF sister. Me too.

Well, I am glad my gut was wrong on this one. Maybe he is dating someone else, who knows, but as long as it isn't her!

Taking D9 bowling tonight. She's been so good sitting at the gym while I work out. She will watch her Ipad or read, or dance along to the music that is on. It's cut down on quality time because then I come home and cook and clean, so I thought a nice night out would be good for us. She really is such a good kid. My GAL efforts would not be successful if it wasn't for her tagging along, and she always does.

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Sorry the house thing fell through, but that just means that there is something better out there waiting for you. Fingers crossed!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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I'd have wonder why FF is giving so much attention to someone he has no interest in! Does he just give women what he thinks they want? Who knows...who cares...you're moving on to better things


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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AHhhh, fathers day. Happy fathers day to all you awesome dads here.

A bittersweet day for me. I am lucky to have my dad alive and well' in my life. I did not see him today, as it is also his wifes birthday and I had a paper to write and couldn't afford four hours of driving. I missed the both of them today, but we will be spending a few days 4th of july week with them and D9 and I are going to cook a special meal for them. D9 went with her dad last night. They went to his FIL's house. He went golfing with his FIL. I always have mixed feelings on this holiday. We never celebrated together. he was gone before we reaches our firsts as parents. It makes me sad we never got to celebrate eachother. I got him a gift certificate to take D9 mini golfing, so they can do something special together. I also texted him this morning and said "Happy father's day, I hope you enjoy this day with our beautiful daughter. I know deep in my heart he loves her. He may not be so hot at showing love, but he does love our daughter. I'll never forget when the Newtown shootings happened and he was sick and delirious with fever and he said to me "the only thing I have ever done right in my life was having D9". For my ex to say something like that is a big deal.

Friday night D9 and I had a dinner and bowling date. We had so much fun. In the lane next to us the hottest dad comes over with his 2 kids and I was like "woah!" then over comes his gorgeous, what I assume is his GF because the kids call her by her first name. D9 recognized the girl from camp. I watched them interact, and I won't lie, a twinge of jealousy came over me. I had that with FF and now it's gone. But my D9 and I are quite a pair. We really don't need anyone else. Went to my nephews pool party yesterday, spent the night alone and all day alone, but I finished my paper before midnight (yay!), got a pedicure and did some shopping.

I logged back into Instagram. FF sister post a picture of FF and her son fishing. I "liked" the picture. In the beginning I was hurt he just stopped paying any attention to anything I posted. So I said to myself "well I'll do the same back" But no. I decided to act in the way I see fit, never to punish someone and never to withhold because I won't get it in return. It's the true meaning of no expectations. I only stop myself when my purpose is to get a reaction or to temp check. I liked that picture because I really liked that picture. And you can just see what a great dad he is going to be. I was on groupon and saw an event he would really like. I was going to send it to him. For the pure reason I know it was something he wanted to do. Just like exH never texted me on mothers day, I wasn't going to do the same. I felt it right to wish him a special day with our daughter.

CHD, Chilvary, honesty, and dignity. I don't think one could go wrong if we live by that.

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Tomorrow is my D9's last day as an elementary schooler. I can't believe my baby is going to middle school. exH has off this week and I have to work, so after tomorrow I won't see D9 until Sunday:( She is sleeping at her Aunts house tomorrow. We get to "clap" her out for her last day in the elementary school. OWW will be there. I invited them both to lunch to celebrate. D9's aunt and cousin are coming too. I'll probably be a crying mess.

Tonight was supposed ot be my first night of volleyball but thunderstorms cancelled it. D9 and I played uno and watched some TV. But I was acutely aware of how I am missing having another adult around. Talking about our days. It's really really tough. This is why I fill my space with working out so much. I don't know how else to rid myself of the lonliness. This week because she is not here I will be gyming it and I am going out with friends Thursday night.

I grew up alone. An only child. I was a pro at this. But I have to be honest, it is just so lonely raising a child from birth alone and no one coming home and asking how your day is or talking to other adults. D9 asked if I missed working from home which I did for 9 months and I said no. I had no adult interaction and it was torture. I miss my crew at the hospital. I miss my patients and their families. I realize I love interacting with people. I love to talk to the guy at the bagel shop where I get my coffee. Random people on line in stores. I really am a people person.

I had the ability to communicate with intubated patients who couldn't move but were alert. We would have conversations even though they weren't talking. And they were two way conversations. I had a patient with ALS who was intubated and could only move his eyes. Yet we spoke to eachother that way.

I'm just journaling my raw honest thoughts waiting for bedtime.
,
I miss FF. I miss his presence, his stories about work, teaching me about fire stuff, hearing about his family, his childhood, and just sitting there for hours on my couch talking about life. I miss it so bad.

I am telling you, the learning about ourselves, it never ends.

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I totally understand what you mean when you say you miss having someone there. I was not an only child but learned to enjoy solitude as an adult because I didn't get married until I was 35 so I spent much of my time living alone. I like living alone: deciding what and when I want to eat, watch tv, go out and do something fun, etc. etc. etc. BUT, there are days where I actually long for adult companionship of the male persuasion. Someone to just sit and talk with or cuddle with or go out on an actual date with.

Hang in there, Ginger, because I think there is an amazing man out there somewhere trying to make his way to you right now. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Thanks Dawn. In the last 9 years I've been used to living alone. And I do appreciate many parts of it. But that longing for adult companionship just won't go away. I'm feeling it worse now that I had it and now it's just gone.

Your comment made me think about how there might be an amazing man trying to make his way to me right now. And I here I am sad about a guy who completely ignores me and makes every effort to avoid contact and I am sad about that.

so I decided to quit giving a darn about that and focus on the potential of someone who wants to be with me. There really should be no room in my mind or my heart for those who want me out of theirs.

I know it's in the stars for you too. You are quite a catch.

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FF finally cashed the $35 check I mailed him on 5/31 yesterday. Guess he got the package, I thought he might not have.

Guess he just forgot to cash it earlier.

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Its funny,

Regarding being alone... I do not feel any more alone now then I ever did in my relationship with husband. We each went our own way when we were together. HE told me, "nothing will change for you" and he was right.

I cant even fathom what it would feel like to have a partner. It feels like its been so long. I was jealous when another mom said "i have to ask my husband what he thinks". Or seeing a mom and dad joke around and enjoy their son at a cubscout meeting together. (my ex would never have went with me, although he would have taken him if I was in work) I have gotten used to not having someone else's input. And even when he was around, he was not someone I actually connected with.
He wasnt interested. He just wanted to get through the conversation, like it was this chore for him.

You are right though. Why waste our time consumed by someone that just does not want it?


M: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
WAH in summer
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