First, W failed to call my S,as promised, on Monday evening. I'm guessing that's guilt on her part leaving him on the dinner time. She failed to call him yesterday, and on my D's birthday today, I called, she didn't answer and gave it immediately to my D, who was then suppose to give it to S to talk. His communication is poor, so passed it on to me. W tried to end the conversation very quickly.
W sent me a text later asking if me and S were back from our shopping trip (we were off to buy D her present), despite me saying I'd tell her when. I replied and gave her a time to pick S up. She texted a couple of hours later to change that.
When W pitches up to pick up S (with my D, whom I gave present too etc.) she proceeded to tell me she didn't want me to have S this weekend after all and that she thought I could do with some different furniture!
So, really what's all this been about? I am beginning to think this is a massive anchor exercise (test to see if I will still do things for her [check]; test to see if I am still attached [check]) and I'm not sure what to do next. I certainly don't want to harm my relationship with my children, and certainly don't want to be seen as a hard ass, but I don't want this, otherwise it'll never end. Her mood has changed too from monster to genial.
Back to NC? Well, that's the plan, but is it working? I'd say not, but I can't think of an alternative. Is she near the bottom? Maybe, but she just can't get there.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Keep those expectations at zero. They will say that they are going to do such and such and when the time comes, if something else is on the radar, they will forget what they have said that they will do. They think like teenagers and they have memories the size of gnats.
Also, it could be a check to see if Huddy will continue to do things or it could be to see just how far she can push you.
No one can really say what is going on w/her. I would continue w/the NC and just leave her be as much as possible. No, she's no where near the bottom...she's still floating.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
If anyone is in the UK, there is a programme on ITV [that's the TV network](called 'Girlfriends'. It's written by Kay Mellor and deals with three women facing various issues with mid life. I don't know if she has been though a MLC herself, but some of the words coming out of the characters mouths read like a page out of one of these forums. If you've missed it, you can get it on the ITV hub.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Yes you do. Live you're life like she's not coming back. Like Job says keep those expectations at zero and focus on Huddy.
She's not I'll. she's not having a crisis. There is no process here.
One of the biggest lessons I learned about cheaters is image management. If they can be you're friend then what they did isn't so bad. Because you're now friends.
How undignified is that?
We all have to change plans at times. And that's ok. And she's now seeing her S as per her schedule. Good. That's what being an adult means. Looking after your children. Does she get a new string for her harp for being an angle? Erm nope. Coz you stood up to the plate for him. Where was she? I'll tell you where, chasing fekin unicorns.
I agree with Job. She's bouncing mate. Floating around in her broken dreams.
3 step plan.
Let it go. Drop the rope. Live your life.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi Huddy, Job and NDY have already given wise advice.
In terms of what's happening for her and why - who really knows...time will tell I guess.
I always feel it is best to observe, inwardly shrug and let it go... Trying to analyse the daily sayings and doings of the MLCer is like trying to knit fog.
Best to follow NDY's 3 point plan above and leave her to plough her own furrow just now.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You're correct about the flaky brain....despite W telling me she now didn't want me to have my S this weekend on Wednesday, she's now texted me to let me know she's not bringing him! Considering I'm at a leaving do at work in ten minutes, that's perhaps, just as well!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
So, in to the mix comes illness. Not me or W, but FIL. He's in his eighties and is having heart problems. W has gone to our home city to help look after him for a couple of days, but it's not looking too clever for the old fella.
W was dropping the kids off anyway, and told me as she was leaving where she was going. I asked her to pass on my best wishes to her family, and told her to keep safe on the drive down (it's a good five hours, although W doesn't like driving, so it'll take her longer). W called and texted me that she arrived. The text had two kisses on the end of it. I didn't respond on my reply, and subsequent texts haven't included any.
Some people will probably say I should carry on NC, but that seems an unreal expectation. I have texted to see how he is etc. Using strict DB principles, I should brush this off and act as if nothing is happening in my life, but, the FIL was a part of my life for 17 years. This is a time for abandoning the principles and show compassion and understanding, regardless of if this looks like cake eating or not.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
You did the right thing by texting to see how the FIL is doing. He's been there for you and your wife for 17 years and you don't know how much longer he's going to be around. I don't consider this particular situation as cake eating...I consider it a necessary trip for her to check on her dad and you being supportive of her during this time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Huddy, i agree with Job but would add that while being supportive is the correct thing to do , remember that you are not the H anymore so be careful not to over step, your still attached so be mindful that your W isn't attached and will not hesitate to use your attachment to her for her advantage. Do what feels right to you but have no expections. I hope your FIL is doing better.
you know, 10 years later, and a remarriage to OW and no feelings for eachother on either of our parts, we still, somehow immediately inform the other of an illness/death of one of our family members. I guess because at one point or another, these were people that were a part of our lives, and in some cases, are a part of our child's life (but not all). We give eachother sincere condolences and rebalance the kid schedule if needed. But that's about it.
It's 3 years later and she could still trigger you with kissy faces. Do you NC because it's a way of possibly leading her back to the M, or of you NC because it is what you feel is best for your own good?
