Who's fault is this again? Can I forgive her?

[Irish M]

SO it's XFIL birthday today. Girls get an email from their mom dictating to them how it is important to see him ( he's 3 hours away) or at least call him to wish him a happy birthday because he hasn't long to live. He is dying.

I let the girls tell me their logic on not messaging him.
They feel they said their goodbyes. They were not that close and not once even before BD did he call at Xmas or birthdays to wish them one. So they feel no need. Chapter closed.

I know it's XW feeling the guilt and projecting it on the girls because she for many years has neglected her dad. Let her make up for the lost time she caused and not put it on the girls shoulders .

Funny how you can see the projection and where it originates from. A skill I would not of had if I didn't not join this group.

Hope you all had a great weekend. I did a bootcamp run with 25 obstivles with the girls. It was amazing. A little sore lol

Have a great week

[Gordie]

So glad you are there for your girls.

Great job on the boot camp run!

[bttrfly]

it's always so amazing to me that she thinks she can drop in and order the girls to do anything, and that they would listen to her or do what she says. Why would she think that? One more MLC thing that makes zero sense.

Bootcamp run sounds scary. Glad you enjoyed it.
xo

[HaWho]

Just weird. Umm, does she not realize she abdicated?!?

[roist]

What is your viewpoint on this? You mentioned the opinions of ExW and girls, but not yours.

I understand that the girls were not close to him. That's okay. We are not always close to everyone in our families. I do feel that how he treated them.should not define how they treat him. He didn't contact so they won't either. I see this attitude in many Rs and I see people miss out because of it. I am not saying the girls are wrong, in their decision but just wanted to share this observation. How we treat people should be about us nit them.

I am sorry your exW is still communicating poorly. She is doing her best. It is nice that she is thinking of her father. It is hard to lose a parent.

Best wishes

[HTM]

Hi Irish,

I'm glad to read of your new relationship and wish you all the best with that -fills me with hope & comfort that my turn will come- but appreciate that your girls will always come first -just as it should be.

Completely agree with your point about projection: A year or two leading up to BD, W kept raising the matter of my height and how when she wore heels she was taller. I’m 5ft6 and pretty much same height as W bare foot; my height has never really bothered me. Post BD, heels are pretty much the norm for her and I gather the OM is ~6ft. In a recent exchange, W classified me as having short guy syndrome; I honestly don’t go around trying to fight the world or everyone in it as she implies, so who really has the issue? Like yourself, would never have noticed her projections or realise the origins for them were it not for this forum.

Letting your girls take the lead on whether to get in touch or not, I feel, is the right decision.

The bootcamp run sounds like it was a great challenge, the soreness will soon abate and just leave a fantastic memory for you & your girls.

Have a great week yourself,
HTM.

[Irish M]

hi guys
Gordie, bttrfly, HaWho, roist and HTM thank you so much for your support


Sorry its been awhile. Took an extended vacation doing some short tips here and there with the girls. Celebrated my dads 80th birthday with new girlfriend in tow. Family adores her and likes our slow and steady pace.

Just weird. Umm, does she not realize she abdicated?!?

yes very weird. i'm not sure what she thinks any more. i stopped interpreting it a while ago. All I can say is delusional

What is your viewpoint on this? You mentioned the opinions of ExW and girls, but not yours.

my viewpoint is I stick with the girls. I tried a few times to go out there over the years and it just never felt right. |Like we were not part of that family. I wish him peace and that's all i can do.

I have not heard yet if he passed. I don't think he has. I'll send her my condolences if he does.

Like yourself, would never have noticed her projections or realise the origins for them were it not for this forum.

Hi HTM. i think we all get to another level of understanding MLC and relationships. We are all stronger for it and wiser.

Speaking of MLC. I see it everywhere. Summer months seem to be the worst. A friend of mine , his W up and left. met someone ( her soulmate of FB back gaming) Flew 1000 miles to hook up with him. All while telling my friend to stay put. she needs to do this. its all ok. oh and its your fault lol

A colleague of mine. Male 40's. up and left his wife. dis-owned his 16 years old daughter . got a one bedroom condo and a week later found the love of his life . Oh motorcycle and gun collection has started.

one thing i noticed was the shark eyes are not there they have a glare of happiness , almost sparkling eyes. i guess shark eyes only come out to those they loved . My XW had the shark eyes that me and the girls saw often before she left.

Speaking of XW. today is my D16 birthday.. wow . XW missed 3 birthdays. its mind boggling

She wrote D17 as expected.
hi my sweet girl.
I just want to wish you happy birthday and have a good day. You know i am here for you. I gave birth to you 17 years ago. I cherish those memories with all my heart. love mom xxxx

p.s. I have a new apartment. i live alone. If you want to see it that address is .............

well. I will leave this with the daughters.
D17 did look into facebook and said she is still with him. recent activity July 22nd. and their matching wrist tattoos are still her profile pic. Tattoos of the day they met. A week before her moving out. Relationship status the same.

my guess and its only a guess.

theory 1 -
She moved out to give him his place as before as he declare welfare for most of the year. having her there with her salary reduces his benefits dramatically. Also he has a special needs son , hes 20, that lives with him .. extra funds for that. With my XW moving in it must of been a hit on his finances when the government registered them as common law couple.

theory 2-
she thinks the girls would jump to see her. Even thought they have told her that they didn't care about the loser BF ., they wanted to see their mom. Her living in a town 40 mins away and in a town hat is so low class of the chart and being the town where all the mlcrs seem to be moving lol like a magnet.

theory 3-
i think i'll take the roof off my jeep and go for a nice drive up north.


theory 3 wins :-)

I'll leave it to the girls . They are old enough, All i can do is be there for them.

hope you all are fine. i'll catch up with your sitch later this week. xxx

[job]

Happy Birthday to your daughter! Time has certainly been moving at light speed. I can still remember her being 14! She'll soon be registering for driver's ed.

I think you are doing the right thing by allowing your daughters to decide whether or not they want to communicate w/their mother. She evidently is so dense to think that they aren't checking FB to see what her status is w/the boyfriend. Just another possible lie to add to the pile about living alone. She'll never learn.

I'm so glad you are the stable parent who is there for his girls.

[bttrfly]

Three cheers for theory #3!

nice to "see" you mon ami.

Happy bday to D17!

xoxoxo

[peacetoday]

Glad you seem happy and moving on with your life

We do get there--the full letting go

Sounds like you are creating a new and nice environment with GF and your girls will be better for it

My kids absolutely love my BF and he has been a stable rock for us for many years
the 4 of us have had much fun together and his presence has made a difference for them-

as for you XW--she may have to accept her choices and her life--to me the choices most MCer make seems crazy, but many of them seem to choose the same path---always leads to addiction destruction and alienation

all the best