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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...011#Post2740011

I went up to see d19 (youngest) in Boston for Mother's Day.

I had seen my 2 oldest in CA the week before, due to GDC (Gross Div Crap) and despite the nature of that visit, we really had some heavy discussions.
Productive, but painful.

Friday night the same happened with my youngest. Lots of discussions, much of it painful as I owned my own role in the family dynamic that caused her to feel scapegoated at times

She brought up how h and I (and sometimes her much older siblings) would discuss her pot smoking, and her anger.

Her recent point was, "why didn't we talk about how dad was living away during the week, AGAIN"??? She felt the elephant in the room was avoided

Which is a damn fair point.

I felt like I owned a lot, some of which might not be true but IS HER perception. And she appreciated that. She and her dad do Not get along as she informs me that

she told him, "you said you want a R with me. Fine. I need from honesty from you, and you are not able to do that without professional help, bc you distort reality to fit yours."

Ouch...

ANYHOW then Saturday came and some protests happened in Boston.

MY Kid got punched in the face by some idiot (a$$) and they were both arrested.

I must say, this is an experience I've never had...bailing my kid out of jail, then staying another night in Boston, and showing up for the arraignment.

The bully a$$ did not show up, so there's a warrant for his arrest and evidently he has 2 other similar charges in other states b/c this is what he does. He brags online that he does this and that he drank "all" his vodka before the rally.

He's twice the size of my d19

and the good news is, it's all on film.


FTR, I don't share my d19's politics. Neither does h, for sure.

but So what? As a mother, I can only grimace at the photo of a guy twice her size throwing a punch at her with a soda can in his hand. She ducked away and it was a glancing blow but -

WHAT IF???? WTF?? It's really good that I wasn't there b/c I'm not sure I would not have been arrested too...seeing a guy that size hit MY kid...OMG...

And no, I did not call h b/c I was not asked to...

very mixed feelings there. On one hand, I was relieved not to have to calm HIM down or hear him discuss 1) the costs to HIM for this 2) the politics of it, or how 3) HE better not be blamed for ....whatever.

it's not about him.
It's about her, but never mind me bailing her out or staying the weekend for an arraignment and being up all night getting the film printed out, etc. H would assume I'd do that, as it's a given in h's mind. God, how true that is and when I write it out I shake my head. My needs in that marriage were not met for some time. I need to remind myself of this more often. The past few years, we had our moments. But other times, more often than not, I did all the heavy lifting in our marriage. And I let that happen.

cry


But I would have liked his support. Wow, thing is, I would not have gotten it. I would have been peace maker again. OR he'd go into crisis mode and again, I'd have had to calm HIM down.

Now that we may have to hire a local attorney (I can't honestly say I'd be a real help given that I'm not licensed there. BTW, that state has some archaic procedures that were things I had not heard in 30 years if ever. "Oh ye, Oh ye">>>> seriously?)

I know one thing...it'll cost...

Could have been so much worse and I know that. She's bruised and will have a record if we don't take care of this. God knows what would happen if she were sharing a cell.

As for the assailant, I feel a maternal anger I've not felt since my son was sucker punched in 6th grade. But this is also fear based b/c d19 is openly gay and she's small, like Peter Pan.

And this horrible bully, targeted her, harassed her, flattened her and tried to punch her hard...

(In fairness to the police I do think they arrested both people b/c there were 2 volatile groups and I guess they figured it would sort itself out later, which is true. But costly and traumatic).

Should I have called h? I don't know. D19 did not ask me to (in her one phone call from jail) and the older kids were like "God, no."

It's not actually the first thing I've handled without h as a parent. Since we've separated and he's been on his adventure, it's actually the second.

Our s30, got very sick in early April. Apparently you can get "rhabdomyolysis" from over exertional exercise and that means your kidneys are behind the curve ball. Your limbs get weirdly enlarged (and though s30 is buff, he's not Popeye).

H is an MD. But when I suggested that s30 call his dad before s30 decides NOT to go to the ER,

s30 said they were "not on speaking terms"

But s30 did go into the ER & got treated. I just didn't know for a fact that h was not in close contact with s30. That's probably the most valuable r has in our family.

On Mother's Day, d19 wished me a Happy Mother's Day on fb (I was nearby, but still) and thanked me for raising her...I assume that's a dig at h, but it's fair too.

I'm exhausted and sad for my youngest. I worry she'll be targeted a lot in life. She is so very angry at h, at all his views, at everyone who she believes is like h. That cannot be good for her.

The moron who assaulted her is NOT h. I know this. You know this.

But d19 sees this^^^ all as related...it's a "white men over 40 bad"...I understand that, but it makes me sad (and no, I do not agree.)

On the other hand, from what I hear from s30 and d28, h's political views have become quite extreme.

Political differences were not that big with us, b/c we mostly agreed. I was always more diplomatic (always)

but I did notice a lot of anger in his views towards the end of our time together.

Sometimes I see a connection. Some strange dynamic wherein he came to demonize me as part of the "system" denying him his adventure.


SIDENOTE - d19 informed me that last summer h told her I would "come running up to Alaska eventually"... God, how annoying that is.

Driving back to DC from Boston, I finally arrived in my new place. My new "home".

And I felt overwhelmed like I could not take anymore.

But I don't know what that ^^^ means. I'm not crazy, I'm not suicidal, I'm running off to Europe (though suddenly that has appeal!)

and I'm not crying. Maybe I should, but I don't seem able to. Weird.

I'm furious about my d19 getting attacked, of course. I'm lonely not having a partner or co-parent sharing this with me. That makes me feel like I'm ready to be dating, btw.

In my head I still revisit how horrible h was when I was hospitalized (here in my hometown on a trip).

H didn't come out to get me till AFTER my doctor said I could not travel alone. My family was aghast. Then h left me in CA in a haze a few days later. I was unable to drive and only knew 2 people locally...how could he feel okay about THAT??? My gut says, he simply does not revisit that at all. How could he defend that?

I'm tired of feeling sad and angry, too. In my head, I know what I have to do.


Maybe I cannot think my way out of this pain. I have to face it, feel it, get through it and somehow just get past it. Like I said, in my head, I know what I have to do (getting out and getting life really do matter, and really do make a huge difference).


but there is a wearing down by the GDC, the health issue I have to constantly be mindful of, starting my career back up, taking care of my d19's issues, b/c she really does struggle with depression and anxiety,

(and I still need to be there for my older kids b/c they are in pain. I will always be their mom and I do not want THEM to be worried for ME as if they are the parent.) I know they want me to date but their reasons are mixed and not all right for me.

I think I'm ready to meet & "Date".

But to really have a relationship seems like you'd just be distracting yourself. Maybe that's good.??

I mean, how could you not compare your new Person, to the stbx?

As much pain as you're in, that means for awhile the OP will be "better than" the soon to be ex b/c God knows you want that to be true.

But there will be times that cannot be true. I mean, the jokes, the history -bad AND good- and the things you really did have in common, cannot all be exceeded in the new person. I'm attractive and smart and funny....

Maybe it's all about the new OP being in the adoring phase b/c God knows, I am not and neither are the kids.

No one in our nuclear family adores or admires what h has done. Since h needs that, perhaps he's right to start over in a r where he can get the admiration he so desperately craves. Hmmm, who am I to know or judge?

So back to ME...


Feelings won't spontaneously change with new wording.
I must function, I must MUST get thru the GDC and I need to create a new life.

I need to see this and embrace this as a positive transformative experience in my life.

Oh, btw, I got no money from h this month, so that's nice.


cry


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35+ yrs
S30,D28,D19
H goes ALASKAN, 2005
I file Sep 2/06
Piecing 7/07
Retrovaille & M Restored 8/08
UPDATE
10 YRS pass
H to Alaska Again
like Groundhog Day
I file D 10/16
OW

Last edited by Cadet; 05/16/17 08:49 AM. Reason: Link

M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 561
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Hey 25,
You had a rough go of it on M Day weekend!
I had to take several DEEP breaths as I read your post, especially the parts about D19 being attacked. (If you'll read my last post in my thread you'll see what I mean.) I'm glad she wasn't hurt any worse physically, but now that whole scenario is stuck in your head. I've always believed that mothers really can't be any happier than their unhappiest child. And only mothers really "get" that statement.
I hear so much much sadness, and fear, and weariness in your post. That makes me so sad. You are so valuable and have given so much to this forum. I want you to be OK!
Do some radical self-care and love for 25 today.
When I get down, I like to say to myself those beautiful words from The Help- "You is kind. You is smart. You is important."
((((((25)))))))


M-60 H-51
M-14 years
BD 12/26/16
S 1/1/17

"First the pain, then the rising."
Glennon Doyle Melton

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Hi 25, I'm so sorry you had such a rough weekend & what a horrible thing to happen. It's not surprising you got back to your new place and felt overwhelmed. I can remember feeling the same and the feelings do pass.

As for dating - actually I just passed my 'one year out from divorce' timescale and so I achieved what I set out to do in terms of waiting before dating...not that I feel that interested in OLD or similar just now....but if someone nice asked me out I might be open.

I hope you don't mind me saying, but you sound so much in the maelstrom of divorce proceedings and still raw - too early to think about dating IMHO. Though people do start at your stage and each to their own of course. Though I never saw one person post and say - heck I wish I'd started dating sooner. But I have seen many people post that they did start too soon - before they were ready and could start a healthy relationship.

My advice would be - wait to date, deal with business, keep the forward movement and plan new things just for you - activities you will enjoy, outings with friends etc. Enjoy making your new place your own and look after yourself during this trying period. It too shall pass..

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sorry about your rough weekend but glad that you got some quality connecting time with your daughter! I have an 18 year old daughter and that is a volatile time in terms of figuring out what you stand for.

Originally Posted By: 25yrsmlc

I think I'm ready to meet & "Date".

But to really have a relationship seems like you'd just be distracting yourself. Maybe that's good.??

I mean, how could you not compare your new Person, to the stbx?

As much pain as you're in, that means for awhile the OP will be "better than" the soon to be ex b/c God knows you want that to be true.

But there will be times that cannot be true. I mean, the jokes, the history -bad AND good- and the things you really did have in common, cannot all be exceeded in the new person. I'm attractive and smart and funny....


I'm two years into a post-D relationship, FWIW you're ready to date when you feel it's time. "Dating" can be done on many levels, from just having a nice conversation with someone over coffee to actively seeking a new life partner. There are no rules for where you should be on that spectrum and people interested in dating at all points on that spectrum.

Dating is both wonderful and terrifying, from my perspective the worst part was telling people you didn't want to continue dating them, that was far worse than getting rejected IMO.

I did not have any issues with comparing new relationships to exW, each person is so different and each relationship has such different dynamics, its truly apples and oranges.

What I did gain, through the benefit of the rearview mirror, is that I put up with too much for too long. I paid a heavy tax for exW's unaddressed issues and there is so much more room for joy in a relationship than I experienced the first time around.

In this relationship I'm well beyond the honeymoon phase, and it has it's own challenges, but they are different ones and better suited to how I want to live.

I know people talk about the fact that second marriages have a lower success percentage. I'm not sure that's a bad thing -- I think people go in the second time around with the knowledge that divorce is totally survivable and that makes you less willing to tolerate abuse than you might be otherwise. Ideally it would lead you to make better choices to begin with in a partner but life doesn't always work that way.

In any case, take your time, wade into the shallow end of the dating experience whenever you feel you are ready, embrace it and enjoy it, you will be a prize to be won!

Acc


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
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25--I love what Accuray had to say about second marriages. That makes a lot of sense and I've never thought about it that way. But I'm still never getting remarried. I'm not having any more kids and I'm financially independent. I always want to be able to just point at the door. I think this is what comes from being a doormat for 25 years.

I'm quite appalled by what happened to your D. I imagine the two of us probably have less faith in the legal system than most. Let us hope that justice does indeed prevail here.

My D13 is reading the Inferno. I have to believe that Dante has a special place for people like your STBX. He sure is a piece of work. I think he has forgotten about how strong his enemy is though. I think that will bite him in the you know where before this is all over.

If you do decide to begin dating, I hope you have some lovely experiences and attract the kind of folks you won't. I think it is a much faster world than long-married monogamous people like us are used to. I dipped my toe in during a January pity party where I believed the things he said to me, but quickly realized I am nowhere near ready to go there.

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d19 seems upset but calmer, and we are regrouping to figure out an effective way to handle any legal issues/ramifications and costs...(No money from h at all this month and only half from last month. He's waiting me out I guess. Says HE has retired, and also, wants me to work.

I wonder if he'll want me to pay HIM spousal support. Is OW advising this or his dad or who, b/c h is very bitter and very into seeing himself as the victim of a "toxic" m.
This is what he told our d19.

WTF?? News to me. We were on national tv about how "Solid m's survive political differences"....that's the m i was in.

I know I should not be baffled. I KNOW THIS! Yet I shake my head at HIS utter lack of remorse or shame at how badly he treated me the last year.

The lies...OMG....

ANYHOW back to d19, I THINK this will turn out fine in the long run but it's such a lousy unfair thing and truly, she's the most angry of the kids, the one with the worst r with h, and I have to wonder how this will eventually play out in her heart.

All I can do is affirm her. And let her r with her dad, be their problem. She claims she hates him but they engage, and I don't know for sure that it's solely b/c he's supposed to pay her tuition. I mean, down deep she must want to believe he loves her, no matter what she says...right?

While I can marry someone else (in theory, I mean) and "replace" my h, d19 will always only have one father. I know, I know, not my problem.

back to me and my life...

as I said, last weekend would have been really nice to have had a supportive partner with me. Not just for Mother's Day, but for the whole d19 arrest and ordeal...but I didn't and in reality I probably have not had a supportive partner for a lot of the last few years. My mom died suddenly and for a week or two, h was supportive and quite sad on his own.
---

Every time I think I'd like to casually date it's

1) for fun in the present and b/c I often like male company and I'd casually date because

2) in order to someday, down the road, to be for a real relationship....

then I read posts of post divorce break ups & the pain involved to DBers and I wonder.


Look, I know there are triggers that would end things for me in a minute, and without much or any regret on my end. Not sure of all of them obviously

but if the "new guy" were to be controlling about food issues, I'd just uber home.

I'd probably say "Hey, my exh was rigid about his diet and what others, including me, ate. I can see it's important to you, but it's a deal breaker for me, so we should end this now. Nice to meet you, bye".

I hope and believe that if I can end a 35 year marriage that was once a beautiful thing, that created 3 important young people, surviving the end of a lovely family

and still be alright, and lose my mom and see my last child off to college the same month and have a life changing medical ;problem the following month and move cross country...

then only the death of a close loved one would hurt me more.


My "fear" would be that I could spend 10 years or whatever the dating years I have left are,

and then lose the relationship. What then? Being alone for the "rest of my life"??

I don't hate being alone, and I have a lot of family and long time friends in this area.

So I'd have had another relationship that would have provided SOME or a lot of good things, (or it would not have lasted long.)

I'm sure I'd hold back on fully trusting my life/heart with someone, for some time.

But that feels more healthy to me.

feedback?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
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Some observations from my years of post-divorce dating:

- the right time to date is when YOU are ready. If you're still pining for h ex or susceptible to reconciliation, you're not ready - it would be unfair to a new person. But if you're sure you're done - and have, like you and I, done everything already to save your marriage and are truly ready to let go - there's no magic time or number.

- After the breakup of my long marriage, none of the things that have happened in my dating life have been too distressing. Also the strength and resilience I learned through DBing put me in good stead.

- Although some would say I wasted four valuable dating years on Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome who turned into Mr. Sociopath Ex-Boyfriend, I don't see it as wasted. I had a lot of good times during those years before I found out the truth about him. And I realize I'm NOT actually that focused on finding a forever mate - it may happen, but even if it did, he could die of a heart attack. Therefore my goal is to be happy and fulfilled in my own life and friendships and family - as I am - and a guy is just the cherry on top. Nice, but not essential to my happiness.

- the thing that has brought me the most fulfillment after my divorce was not my dating life - although I had many great moments - but learning to play the drums and developing a great musical hobby. If I was forced to choose between the two, I'd take music and performing over another man any day!

- dating after divorce was an incredibly affirming thing for me. Even though none of the men turned out to be right for a variety of reasons, one thing was constant - not ONE of them could figure out how my ex could have been so stupid as to let go of me. Even the guys who were LOve Avoidant themselves and not available for a long term relationship thought I was GREAT and that my ex must have a screw loose. And not one of them thought I walked heavy either!

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DATING

I do wake up some days and I just want to go back to bed. (Thank God my dog is insistent about needing to go out. I'm on the 4th floor so, you know, we have to go OUT.)

Some other DBers discuss this ordeal and how it can lead to a form of PTSD - and that it affects later dating.

I know my life is on a much different trajectory than it was even just a year ago. I'd never have believed this is where I'd be or how the past 8 months have gone. When I step back, objectively, at the number of dramatic changes in such a short time happening, I'm more at peace with a PTSD diagnosis for now.

Some men asked me out right when I got here, which was maybe 2 months after separation and a horrific hospital stay.

I was actually offended by this. I found it insulting to my m that someone would assume I could be ready to actually date.

They were men who divorced long ago, and or from short m's, who would assume I'd be ready to date them, then. It kind of made me believe their own m's must have meant very little to them.

(I'm not defending my feelings, just admitting them here.)


Anyhow, meeting men NOW, and getting asked out is different. It depends very much on the man & speed at which he'd want the R to move. I could not go fast, and trust it. Maybe that's just me & my position of what constitutes "fast/enough time."

INSIGHT - a guy from high school ("S") expressed interest in dating me, and has repeated it a few times. BTW, We briefly dated in 9th grade (literally).

In his recall, we "dated & fell in love at too young an age."

This version ^^ is fine I guess, as we all have our own narratives (his version is bigger & more flattering to me than I would have imagined). He's definitely pushing for way too much way too fast. It's obvious and I have gently said so, at least 3 times.

And FYI, "S" is a kind, smart attractive guy. And he's really into being a good dad. So he's not some "jerk".

Anyhow, I asked S how long it took him to date after he and his w "split," 10 years ago (i didn't define sep or Div in the question).

He said "3-4 days"...

Okay. I literally laughed b/c I assumed he was joking.
( I mean, "good one!", right? cool)

Then he blurted out "I was so lost and hurt...just seeking solace. They didn't mean anything."

Later he and his w recon for a year, before finally divorcing.

What I took from this^^ disclosure is that "S" is very needy, terrified of being alone, AND that he is presumably very high maintenance, emotionally. Huge turn off for me.

IF I did not know him before, I'd have thought he was an a$$ and I'd have probably assumed he had cheated on his w, (which I actually don't believe).

AND S is a very decent person. (He was an only child, & learned he was adopted in high school, when his adoptive "father" died.)

So maybe his "Dating" OW's within days of his separation from his w, is more about this abandonment issues --- but - whatever. See what I"m doing??

I mean, who he is & what he does, not why, is what matters.


IF we were to try and reason WHY someone is how they are, or WHY they treat us badly, (even if we were accurate in assessing the original causes)

reminds me a lot of obsessing about MLC/WAS and narcissism and what's real, what's an excuse, and whether we can hope for more or better from them, etc.

I want it to be simple and hope it can be, in this respect.

How we are treated = whether we are loved & respected in ways WE need & want,

and whether/how we give love & respect to the other,

are the only criteria, aren't they? Can't it be natural and evolving?

Christ, sure seemed like it was 35 years ago...

Make sense?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
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crossed posts KML

I'll read and reply more later...

(Thank God you found men who didn't mind how you clomp around)


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 2,502
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Hi 25yrsmlc,

Like you its important to me to have appropriate boundaries about "what is and what is not your business" when it comes to relationship partners. It sounds like your H's position on diet was extreme if he was dictating what you could and could not eat. I think you'll find that type of attitude is far outside the norm.

As I was in a relationship for 20 years, there were many aspects of it that I just came to accept as "the way people are" or "the way relationships are" and one of the most refreshing things about dating has been learning that is not the case at all.

My current girlfriend has strong opinions on food choices, water usage, cleaning products, etc. It's been important for me to set a boundary that she can eat/clean/use water however she likes in a manner consistent with her beliefs and its not my place to comment on that. Conversely, its not her place to comment on what I choose to eat or what I choose to clean with. It is of course appropriate to respectfully make your opinions known, but that's where things need to end. As long as you establish your boundaries early in a relationship and are with a rational, respectful partner you'll be totally fine.

Originally Posted By: 25yrsmlc

My "fear" would be that I could spend 10 years or whatever the dating years I have left are, and then lose the relationship. What then? Being alone for the "rest of my life"??


What's the alternative? Being alone now for the rest of your life? I think one difference between being single in your 20's and being single in your 40's - 60's is that there are no longer any "rules" or expectations about what you "should" be doing. You're free to chart your own course in a way that works for you and anyone else is far less likely to question your motivations.

Therefore, if you want to have one 10 year relationship, 10 1-year relationships, or no relationship for 10 years, it's all good, you're totally free to live the life you want to live.

Worrying about a relationship ending 10 years from now is borrowing trouble from the future right? From my perspective a relationship that lasts 10 years is a successful relationship, even if it ends, and there's a lot of value you'll gain from it and be able to keep.

Originally Posted By: 25yrsmlc

I don't hate being alone, and I have a lot of family and long time friends in this area.


That's great! You want to be dating because you want to share your life versus because you feel you *need* to fill a void.

Originally Posted By: 25yrsmlc

So I'd have had another relationship that would have provided SOME or a lot of good things, (or it would not have lasted long.)


Well look what you've gained from your experience here right? You've become something of a student of relationships. You're not going to be entering into a new relationship as a naive 22 year old seeking a fairy tale romance right?

This time around you'll see through someone's shortcomings far more easily, and be much less likely to make excuses for them or try to convince yourself you can look beyond them. Why would you? Who has time for that?

This time around you can be *very* discriminating and have the value of the wisdom you've accumulated in deciding who to get involved with.

When I went to MC the MC was talking to me about the dating population. He said that no one is really "perfectly emotionally healthy", but there is a spectrum where some people are pretty dysfunctional and others are pretty self actualized.

He said that if you look at failed marriages, there are those where both partners were dysfunctional, those where one partner was dysfunctional and the other was self actualized, or situations where two self-actualized people respectfully decide they don't want to be together anymore and go their separate ways.

For people who ended relationships due to pain related to dysfunction, some people are going to do the work to improve their coping skills and their behavior, and other people are not and are going to take the same problems into relationship after relationship.

Wouldn't you agree that you're savvy enough at this point to be able to tell if you're with someone who is significantly dysfunctional after spending just a couple hours with them? Even someone who is marginally dysfunctional you're going to figure it out after a few more hours. Therefore, your odds are pretty good that you're going to avoid getting involved with those people in any significant way and end up with someone who is pretty emotionally healthy right?

I think when you do, you'll find it to be a huge relief and it will paint some of the things that you had to deal with in your 35 year relationship into stark contrast.

Originally Posted By: 25yrsmlc

I'm sure I'd hold back on fully trusting my life/heart with someone, for some time.

But that feels more healthy to me.


I would hope so!

I do have some friends who are single women in their 50's who have just given up on dating. For the most part, they've just talked themselves out of it, either by convincing themselves that "there are no good men out there", or its not safe to meet men, or they don't feel they're desireable, etc. etc.

Some of them don't seem to care or miss having a companion around, which is fine, but others seem persistently bothered by it and that is a tragedy.

It's definitely worth putting yourself out there -- people can be so amazing and have so much to contribute to your life. When you're ready, go for it!

Acc


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015
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