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Good for you Pinn! I say go for it with the dancing. I dance salsa and absolutely love it. Without exception, I have found the dancing community to be friendly and encouraging - and welcoming to singles. If in doubt, just contact the class leader ahead of your first visit and check it out. Many classes, they just rotate the partners around routinely, so you get to dance with any women who attend.

I don't know much about swing dancing, but I imagine it is pretty similar. Not sure if it helps, but I made myself try out at least one new GAL activity a month that could become a regular thing - some stuck and some didn't but for sure I have a full and happy single life now.

I look forward to hearing about your adventures. :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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pinn Offline OP
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Thanks Sotto. Always good to see you pop up on my thread :-). I am looking around for dancing classes... we'll see how it goes!

Happy labor day weekend to my fellow US DB'rs. I have a love/hate relationship with this weekend. Love the get togethers, hate the fact that it means winter is coming. Booo to new england winters. But maybe I can go snow boarding this winter, have not been since I broke my leg playing hockey about 6 years ago.

Anyway, things are going well! Went to the TRX class last week and it rocked. Any fitness enthusiasts out there looking for something new, give it a try! It is hard, but very good. I had to come up front right next to the instructor so she could show me the moves. I caught on pretty quick. She was cute too! So I used it as an opportunity to chat her a bit, some practice. Man was she strong... gabbing away during the ab portion of the class... pretty amazing. I'll go again this week!

I started with this spanish ap since I have an hr train ride (2 hrs total!) each day into the city. I picked up a lot so far and message/text my brother in spanish when I can. He is more advanced than me. Super excited to go to the indoor rock climbing gym with work this week. Always wanted to do that!

My labor day get together was great! House is a mess but I guess that is a sign of a good party. I did find myself getting a little melancholy at times for a few reasons. First, seeing my friends with their young kids and significant others made me sad a bit. Not jealous but sad. I had to consciously say... come on Pin!! snap out of it! So that worked. Second, thing was that these get togethers were always, always WW's thing. She was a little socialite and she loved it. So it stirred up those memories a bit. Everyone was very happy to hear the news about myself and WW. My friends and family are not a fan of WW. I honestly cannot blame them one bit. So, towards the end of the night, a few of my friends were like oh I should set you up with X, Y and Z. It was fun to chat about and look at her friends, but for some reason, that made me blah. I was like meh... sure I'll meet up with anyone. Maybe just too soon? I don't know. Not sure what was up with that.

So today I broke NC with WW via text (I had debated how to do this all week!). I said hi, how ya doing and then got right into it. I wanted to find out when we could get a move on with things or if she did anything already. She didn't do anything nor did she have immediate plans which did not surprise me. I told her the three options were that I could file but needed her address (she moved out 2 years ago and I don't have her address!), we could go and do it together or I could do it and we could find a notary where she could sign the papers. She goes... whatever is best (well that is what I was asking you for!). I said option 2 is the fastest. She says... why does it have to be fast? I said look... it has been a long time, I'm tired and we obv are not going to work out... and to be honest I am not 100% comfortable being with someone else until things are at least moving along. Then she says... I understand... I don't know why I can't pull the trigger. I didn't respond to her last text. She did give me her address and I'll just do it that way.

I wanted to tell her what I really thought of her... but bit my lip.

Can't pull the trigger? She's done that a million times already. I don't understand the difference between her telling me all the reasons she does not want to be with me, ending things abruptly over and over again and actually completing the divorce. Seriously, what is the difference? Isn't that selfish thinking? Is that a control thing? She can do whatever she wants but since we are still married, there is some control there over me? Maybe she knows I would have trouble moving on being still actually married? I have no idea. I know if I do not push the divorce though this thing is going to take forever because she will not do it.

I know some will say.. oh you shouldn't have contacted her and you should have just filed. I agree, if this was early on or in DB'ing mode. This is not about DB'ing anymore though. This is about making it through this process in the most cordial way possible. If it turns ugly, I have way, way more to lose than she does. Need to get on with life!

Have a great week!

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Hey there DB'rs! How goes?

WW's birthday is friday. It's funny, I was thinking back today to two years ago when I was so conflicted over whether to wish her happy birthday or not and hashing it out with everyone on here! Like that year, she won't be hearing a peep from me. My only hesitation is making anything harder for the D.

Have not heard from her nor have I contacted since the texts labor day weekend to tell her that I was going to file soon. Well guess what... looking like that day is going to be Monday! Crazy! Still annoyed that I am doing the heavy lifting for the D but this is never going to end if I do not take the lead. I am convinced of that. It's time.

To get ready for that, I'll go hike mt washington this weekend by myself (bro couldnt go and this is probably the last time it will be OK to go for the season). Means leaving at 3AM sat morn for the 4 hour drive... woohoo! Should be good... its 6400 ft but the weather up there can get sketchy at times. I'll be prepared.

Just just just starting to get ready and get out there in the dating world. Mainly just chatting with some gals I already was acquainted with. What I am finding is pretty interesting but that is a story for a different day. Let's just say this whole experience has me looking at people in a completely different light. But I am ready to find someone. Kind of exciting since WW is all I really have known in terms of serious relationship.... ever.

Take care!

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Pinn
Good to hear you are doing well. Since my last update I let ww know my thoughts and all I had to say. Cut my communication and the D is now final.

Catch wind from my d9 and mutual friends that her and om are always fighting on phone etc. I said oh well!

Guess what. Now she is trying to open communication and be friendly! No thanks!

I know her pride would keep her from admitting anything and I would need that before I communicated anything to her outside of kids.

So we still seem on the same scenarios!

Keep doing you sir!


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
otw #2762825 09/22/17 10:27 AM
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Pinn,

You seem really strong after going through all of that. Please keep up posted on what and how WW starts acting down the road.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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pinn Offline OP
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Hey OTW! Good to hear from you! I think what you have done thus far are the right moves. Maybe our WW's are sisters separated at birth?? Similarities are uncanny. I plan on following the same path as you.

Thanks for stopping by Joejoe.

So in terms of D, since we both want the same thing, I figure we can fill out the paper jointly and just get it done. No need to serve her and what not unless she drags things out... which she might. Just want it done as simple and quick as possible. Hopefully we can discuss it this weekend. I'm just done. I want a family and she destroyed all the trust I had in her. It's not repairable. That is one of the most important things for me in a relationship.

I feel like I haven't done enough work on myself the past 28 months (man does that 28 months really annoy me to type out). I mean I have a done a lot but there is so much more to do! It is kind of exciting. I think I am going to find someone really special... looking forward to it!

Ya know she mentioned divorce once in that time period. I mean the actual word, obviously she made clear her intentions. I remember early on, I took that as a good sign. Now it annoys me royally!

Have a great weekend my friends!

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Pin,

The D word once in 28 months, wow. I would be lost as well. I was finding hope in my wife not saying that as well. She has only said it once. Today she said t" if we stay together. That's the first time I heard that. You usually says shes done. Did you WW ever say "if we stay together?".

That's is a hard place your were in. And you are doing well now. I hope inhave your strength by the end results of my Sitch.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Mine I don't believe ever said the word. She would say some other phrase to dance around it. Like she couldn't make herself say divorce. This last time before I made it final I felt she was using making the divorce final as a power play. Well insaid I will handle it. Sent word to lawyer tonmake it happen.

Ours was actually easy. I got separation agreement when she moves out and we just put that into the decree done and done. Never stepped foot in a court.

I can't say I don't have plenty of regret and still get sad a lot. I am interested to see what is in store in my life though.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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pinn Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: otw
Mine I don't believe ever said the word. She would say some other phrase to dance around it. Like she couldn't make herself say divorce. This last time before I made it final I felt she was using making the divorce final as a power play. Well insaid I will handle it. Sent word to lawyer tonmake it happen.


Isn't that odd OTW? Guess it is the mind set of the WW? I don't know. I find it to be extremely selfish... like the worst kind of selfishness. I never thought of WW as selfish until all of this. Then I go back in time, reflect and see that she was always kind of that way.

Originally Posted By: joejoe1
Pin,

The D word once in 28 months, wow. I would be lost as well. I was finding hope in my wife not saying that as well. She has only said it once. Today she said t" if we stay together. That's the first time I heard that. You usually says shes done. Did you WW ever say "if we stay together?".

That's is a hard place your were in. And you are doing well now. I hope i have your strength by the end results of my Sitch.


Hey Joe... just to be clear... I am definitely not lost. First few months to a year, of course, but certainly not now. Now I do what I want without a thought about WW.

"If" is not in my WW's vocabulary. It is either one way or the other. Even when we were getting close to getting back together... for her it was 'when', for me it was 'if'. Then of course that all switched to we are not going to work out again... which was OK with me... because I agree!

You'll get there... GAL, make some good goals and focus on being introspective. Learn about yourself. I'd recommend looking up Pigpen's threads for some real inspiration. He is the man, he crushed it! Figure out what you really really want out of life. In a weird way, this has been a bit of blessing. I'll just get a bit of a later start than most people with family's and what not. But I think this whole experience will help me in my next relationship immensely. We shall see!

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Hey there DB'rs! Happy Saturday!

I spoke with WW a bit earlier this week via email discussing the big ole D. Basically, she is all good with doing a joint filling and she does not want anything from me. So that was good! That is how I thought it would it go. She might be evil in a lot of ways (at least towards me), but she was never big on money or material things.

Reading her email did make me sad though. It was so business like. My original email was very business like too. I guess just the finality of it is starting to settle in now??? I know it is the right thing to do, I have no doubt, but it still makes me sad.

So I started working on all that paper work. Seems pretty straight forward so far.

Anyway, one step at a time. I am starting to get the house ready to sell. I cannot wait to sell this place. Then maybe it is time to relocate and get of the north east. I am tired of it. Who knows.... my future is wiiiiide open.

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