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A Message from Michele
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Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: sellout] #2742405
05/08/17 08:42 AM
05/08/17 08:42 AM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
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Becky99 Offline
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Becky99  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 19
Sellout, Thanks for being so transparent and sharing your seemingly positive/hopeful experiences. To all who've replied, I appreciate your honesty in reading into those experiences.
I'd admit to trying to read into every positive interaction I've had with my H...clearly it's a habit I/we should stop.
I think the biggest challenge I struggle with (maybe many of us do) is finding a balance between the possibility of hope in our MR or ignoring it and continuing down the path to prepare for a legal divorce. The legal actions involved in a divorce often bring more hurt and bitterness to both parties and seem to contradict the ideas to support R.


Me 35, H 33
T 10, M 7
D 2
EA confirmed 12/22/2014
H moved out 2/1/2016
Returned 3/18/2016, H gave back my wedding ring 8/3/2016
H became distant 10/24/2016
H Moved out Filed 3/17/2017
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: Becky99] #2742412
05/08/17 09:37 AM
05/08/17 09:37 AM
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 347
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annab74 Offline
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annab74  Offline
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 347
180, thank you so much for the kind words.

Sellout, you got it! Don't worry about what she says or does right now. There will be many ups and downs in this journey and if you place too much importance them, you'll be riding a constant emotional rollercoaster. On top of that, thoughts and feelings change. Why stress yourself out about something she feels today when it might not be that way tomorrow? THAT'S what you're detaching from--things that don't matter. Then you will have more emotional energy to concentrate on the things that do. Keep up all the great work with the GAL'ing and 180s and try to trust the process. If your changes start to reach your W's heart, she will let you know. You won't have to wonder.


Me: 43, Him: 40
Married: 21 years

Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: resolut] #2742424
05/08/17 10:14 AM
05/08/17 10:14 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Dawgs  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
Quote:

I believe the small acts of kindness she shows now are just the leftovers of 25 years of companionship and feelings of familiarity in how she treated me throughout the M. You have to be careful to separate those things out.


Bingo. Think nothing of it as she surely doesn't. Especially when she screwing someone else...


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: Becky99] #2742425
05/08/17 10:18 AM
05/08/17 10:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Dawgs  Offline
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Posts: 2,937
Quote:
is finding a balance between the possibility of hope in our MR or ignoring it and continuing down the path to prepare for a legal divorce


Um, what? Possibility of hope on whose end? As the saying goes, crap in one hand and hope in the other and tell us which fills faster. Is it possible? Sure. Likely? Doubtful, but it can happen. The important thing to remember is that you work on yourself and not worry at all about what the other person is doing.

They are on their own road, and it only has room for them. After all, why would you even consider trying to go on someone's road where you aren't wanted?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: Dawgs] #2742427
05/08/17 10:19 AM
05/08/17 10:19 AM
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
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cheesyt Offline
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cheesyt  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
I'm trying to formulate a complete though on the name of the thread, is "winning" your W back your goal? or is becoming a better man, parent and husband for a future woman? (might be your W might not be) and is this what you're in for, a "Victory"?
I believe your victory would be what I said above. Be the best Sellout there is out there!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: cheesyt] #2742429
05/08/17 10:29 AM
05/08/17 10:29 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Dawgs Offline
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Dawgs  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2015
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Originally Posted By: cheesyt
I'm trying to formulate a complete though on the name of the thread, is "winning" your W back your goal? or is becoming a better man, parent and husband for a future woman? (might be your W might not be) and is this what you're in for, a "Victory"?
I believe your victory would be what I said above. Be the best Sellout there is out there!


Agreed. She is irrelevant. A spine is.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: Dawgs] #2742438
05/08/17 11:02 AM
05/08/17 11:02 AM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
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TxHubby Offline
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TxHubby  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 906
The next steps are to continue as you're doing only step it up a notch. Have the greatest time of your life without your wife. It makes you very attractive. Find some amazing activities and do them. Hang out with new people, male and female. It works. Trust me, I know. It works.



The future is as bright as you demand it be.
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: TxHubby] #2742485
05/08/17 06:00 PM
05/08/17 06:00 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 152
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sellout Offline OP
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sellout  Offline OP
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Posts: 152
Someone talk me of the ledge... I am getting my MOJO back and starting to care less and less (at least at the moment). I am wanting to pick up the phone and really tell wife what I think of her and what she is doing and tell her to have a good life (not really). Other than for our son why would I want to take her back now? I have plenty of women that I could choose from and I am sure have a real good time with. Should I do it?!?!?


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: sellout] #2742488
05/08/17 06:14 PM
05/08/17 06:14 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,629
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LITB Online
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,629
No, you shouldn't do it. Come on sellout. Your emotions are all over the place.

One minute you say that you are detached, the next you want to flip out on your W. If you were detached, you would not have these emotional highs and lows.

What happened that you are in a different place from this morning?

Sure, you can have plenty of women and have a good time. Isn't that one of the reasons you find yourself here to begin with? Own your sh!t and fix it. If you don't fix it, you will find yourself in the same situation with a new person.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Re: On way to DB Victory? [Re: LITB] #2742490
05/08/17 06:16 PM
05/08/17 06:16 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 152
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sellout Offline OP
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sellout  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 152
Your right but needed to vent. She is just so unappreciative of things I do. So annoying.


Me: 38
Her: 33
Bomb: 1/6/2017
Separated: 1/10/17
Together: 16 Years
Son 12 Years Old
She and Son still at the house
Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times
Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
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