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A Message from Michele
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Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: shotgun] #2743264
05/14/17 02:42 PM
05/14/17 02:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
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Rouky Offline OP
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Rouky  Offline OP
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Thank you Shotgun as every time I hear from you there is a big smile on my face.
Got some news from my parents and both have been put on chemotherapy until the end. My dad is more serious as his bone marrow is no longer responding and being on chemotherapy for the rest of his life is what is going to keep him alive.

I'm so different with my reaction than before DB, I'm not saying it doesn't hurt but I have managed to detach from it all as there is nothing I can do about it. Now I know what detachment means.

Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: Rouky] #2743545
05/16/17 06:30 PM
05/16/17 06:30 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 545
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shotgun Offline
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shotgun  Offline
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Rouky I am so sorry about your parents. Chemo is a rough go. I promise you there will be some blessings through everything though. God gave me peace through my treatment and he will give peace to your family as well. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

I hope your children are well and you are enjoying your work. Keep being beautiful and embrace your new found freedom. Something special is waiting for you and for me as well. This is such a tough awakening to the cruelty that exists in the hearts of men but we are the good people and we will reap a reward for our having lived in the truth.

Love always, Mark


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: shotgun] #2744814
05/27/17 06:29 AM
05/27/17 06:29 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
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Rouky Offline OP
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Rouky  Offline OP
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Thank you so much Shotgun for your kind words.

I'm not on here often as it breaks my heart to read about the new commers here and also it brings me to a past that I want to leave behind.

I should be divorced in 5 weeks now and I'm ok with it. I'm sad at times because I gave everything I had to my marriage but I lost myself big time.

Each day that goes by ex is showing that he hasn't learned from his two failed relationships. Kids told me that he said he had to sale a part of his garden as he has no money ( why aren't I surprised). Also I found out that ex is dumping our kids with OW while he works the weekend he has them (ex used to do that with my SD). Kids even told me that when he comes to see them during weekdays he takes them to some of his jobs.

I know people have different view on things but from what I can see, he isn't spending quality time with his kids. He did it to start with, but as Job said a leopard doesn't change his spots and it took ex less than a year of each of us living in separate houses to go back to his old self.

As for OW I'm annoyed that she looks after my kids but there is nothing I can do as it's their weekend with their dad.

Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: Rouky] #2747903
06/21/17 03:39 PM
06/21/17 03:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 751
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Pax_luv Offline
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Hi there, Rouky.

Just stopping by and wishing you well. Hope things are going well in your world.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: Pax_luv] #2748043
06/22/17 04:11 PM
06/22/17 04:11 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
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twinmom Offline
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How are you doing Rouky? I think about you often and hope that you have found someone to share a movie/laugh/vent with. (Not necessarily romantic). I hope you are feeling happy and have a calm summer.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: twinmom] #2749028
06/29/17 05:21 AM
06/29/17 05:21 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
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Rouky Offline OP
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Rouky  Offline OP
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Hi everyone,

Life has been good to me so far and I was doing so well, unfortunately things unexpected happened and I'm back to square one like two years ago.

Kids' grandfather (my ex's dad) has been taken seriously ill to hospital and the outcome is bleak. My ex sisters in law couldn't get hold of ex so they asked me to help (had to call OW). Went to see him to say my farewell in hospital but this is triggering a lot of emotions:

A) I still love ex and want him back ( but this will never happen)

B) it brings me back to when his mother died and it brings back all the things ex said about me to everyone for not supporting him (reminder: my dad had been diagnosed with Laekemia two months earlier and was in sterile room in hospital, my eldest was 19 months and had a newborn of 6 weeks). So I feel really low as I believed that if I had done things differently I might have been able to save my marriage.

C) I'm jealous as OW is the one supporting him and I'm not given a chance to do that and rectify what I did wrong when his mum died.

D) My divorce went to court and in 6 weeeks I can apply to make it final. I'm regretting filing. When I did it it was the right thing to do as I couldn't live in limbo and I didn't want my kids to be brought up believing that it's ok to STILL be married but living with someone else.

E) I'm lonely (even if I go out a lot) as I come home to no one to talk to about my day, to cuddle to. I have given up on online dating as it's not for me (I don't like it).

So as you can see I'm pretty low. Rang my family for support and was told why was I crying for over my ex FIL. This man has been part of my life for 12 years ,and even if his son (ex) is who he is, because of what and how he treated my MIL had an impact on ex interaction with women, I still love him as he is part of my family.

Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: Rouky] #2749075
06/29/17 11:32 AM
06/29/17 11:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,723
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kml Offline
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First of all, let me say I'm so sorry about your ex-FIL. My ex-FIL had treatment for lung cancer last year and although he and I were not particularly close, I do feel badly that I cannot do more than send a card at this point.

Second - duck, because I'm swinging a 2 x 4:
Quote:
A) I still love ex and want him back ( but this will never happen)


Did you forget that this is a man who dumped his first woman, then dumped you with his kids as well, and has been unstable in his work history and attitude and basically was a lousy husband even before he left? You HAVE to take off the rose-colored glasses and see him for who he really is. He's NOT a good man and you deserve MUCH MUCH better.

Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: kml] #2749102
06/29/17 03:01 PM
06/29/17 03:01 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
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WillDo Offline
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You have the strength to cope. How do I know? Revealing it here on the dorum shows that. Try to have comfort with your kids. Maybe they don't understand you at the moment but they will show immense gratitude in the future.


Me: 43, W: 43
M: 16, T: 18
D - 7, D - 7
ILUB: 26 August 2014
Still living together
Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: WillDo] #2749711
07/05/17 11:47 AM
07/05/17 11:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
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Rouky Offline OP
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Rouky  Offline OP
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A bit of a gossip.

Kids told me that ex and OW have split up. It seems to have been confirmed by him not having her as a friends and her changing her FB profile of the two of them for something else. How I feel about it? A huge weight has been lifted. i can't explain why but I really wish ex to be happy and I wouldn't mind if he has a new partner as long as it's not OW. I won't be upset if he has another woman but I really don't want him to settle down with the OW as I hold both responsible for the end of my marriage.

FIL is no longer in coma. He can hear things but can't move his body and he is blind. Ex told me that he might have to go to an hospice and that ex will need to change his car to accommodate a disabled person. Then he carried on to say out loud to the girls while I could still hear him that as he is going to hospital to see his dad my SIL will give the kids their breakfast and will take them to school tomorrow.

To be honest I don't see his need to give me information about his whereabouts tomorrow. As far you m concerned he is a responsible adult and what he does with the girls during his time is none of my concern.

Also ex texted to see if I wanted kids next week on his night because it will be my birthday. I was shocked by his text as ex last year completely forgot my birthday, but was has really knocked me out was that he thought about it a week in advance. Ex always does thing last minute! I just replied that was very kind of him but I can't as I have made other arrangements (I thought that as ex forgot my birthday last year and Mother's Day this year, I will not get my kids on my birthday!). I still will see them in the morning.

Then to finish off ex rang to ask me where I was because he was sat outside my house 1h30 earlier than his normal pick up time! He knows that on Wednesday the kids have a sport activity. Also he could have stayed by the side of his car when he saw kids (he was only parked a door down), but no he had to come to my front door! He didn't even help the kids to carry their school stuff, so there was no need for him to be on my door step.

I'm not reading anything interesting into it but it was an odd interaction.,

I'm not havin

Re: cheers to my new adventure [Re: Rouky] #2749907
07/06/17 01:26 PM
07/06/17 01:26 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 545
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shotgun Offline
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shotgun  Offline
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HI Rouky!


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
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