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A Message from Michele
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Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: EastTN] #2741087
04/28/17 12:57 AM
04/28/17 12:57 AM
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Sotto Offline
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"I have a problem with W openly disrespecting them."

So, this is a personal boundary issue for you. She is living rent free in your parents home and benefitting from their help and goodwill.

What do you think it would be appropriate to do in these circumstances?

I'm also conscious the disrespect is towards your parents - what do they want to do about it?


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Thornton] #2741096
04/28/17 05:01 AM
04/28/17 05:01 AM
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Ginger1 Offline
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Originally Posted By: Thornton
w has been acting disrespectful to my parents now. We live in their house and she doesn't pay rent, I do.

My parents have always been there for her and have loved her like a daughter. My mom takes her daughter to and from school and babysits her free of charge until we get home from work.

I feel angry and I'm having to bite my lip. I'm not sure what to do but I have a problem with W openly disrespecting them.



I wouldn't bite my lip. I would ask that while she lives in your parents house while you pay rent that she shows respect. If it wasn't for her daughter I would tell her "if you don't then you can leave". How nice of your parents to be so helpful with her daughter. I hope they can speak up for themselves. If you parents want to say something, please let them.

Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2741108
04/28/17 06:39 AM
04/28/17 06:39 AM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,569
Colorado
T
Thornton Offline OP
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Thornton  Offline OP
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It's hard because I don't want to add any drama to D's life.

I'm inclined to keep my mouth shut just to avoid any drama. I spoke to my mom, and she didn't seem too upset by it. She just said that W is trying to distance herself from our family.

I'll keep an eye on it and if it starts getting worse, I'll revisit other options at that time.

Tomorrow is D's bday party at the bowling alley. W has invited some of her new friends from her new job and her sister. I'm positive she has told them that I'm some sort of monster and abusive.

I dont know why it bothers me what other people think especially because I know the truth. But it does. Being labeled abusive is a huge allegation and totally false. But W apparently is recruiting a team of supporters to cheer her on while she leaves the monster.

Ironically, I spent most of last night playing with D and having tickle fights. At one point when D laughed out loud, W told her to keep it down or she would have to go to her room. I don't know who W is anymore.

Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Thornton] #2741110
04/28/17 07:04 AM
04/28/17 07:04 AM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 505
You'll never guess
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EastTN Offline
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You'll never guess
Originally Posted By: Thornton
I'm inclined to keep my mouth shut just to avoid any drama.

I don't remember if you read..., but that one jumped out at me. I (used to, I guess?) do the same. I would keep my mouth shut to avoid conflict. Do you have that going on here?

Quote:
But W apparently is recruiting a team of supporters to cheer her on while she leaves the monster.

Yeah, that one really [censored]. These people will also "keep her honest" by reminding her what a "horrible person" you are if she starts to reconsider.

Keep being the best you you can be, T, you got this.

Last edited by Cristy; 05/01/17 02:29 PM. Reason: As stated in our OnLine Community Board Rules, we do not allow recommendations of non-DivorceBusting books / websites / blogs etc

Just keep swimming
Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Thornton] #2741124
04/28/17 07:47 AM
04/28/17 07:47 AM
Joined: Dec 2016
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Quote:
I dont know why it bothers me what other people think especially because I know the truth. But it does. Being labeled abusive is a huge allegation and totally false. But W apparently is recruiting a team of supporters to cheer her on while she leaves the monster.


I think its best just to let this go and not focus too much on it. I confronted my STBEW about the horrible things she was saying about me and she blew it off as "venting to friends". It really didn't bother me until she starting telling her friends and family what a horrible father I am. That is when I finally confronted her with substantial evidence of what she was saying, but again...it got me nowhere.

You are not going to be able to control her actions or what she says about you behind your back. The only thing you can control is how you react and respond. Yes, it is hard to hear these things, but the way I see it is that I knew the truth and so do you. Why focus your attention on her when it can be somewhere else. For me, it was counterproductive to dwell on her actions and what she was doing/saying so I just let it go. The only time I would suggest stepping in and saying something is if she is saying negative things about you to D. Parent alienation is something I strongly disagree with so that would be where I would draw the line.

Quote:
I don't know who W is anymore.


^^^ Think so many on this board has uttered the same so many times. Hard to see, isn't it!

Quote:
Tomorrow is D's bday party at the bowling alley.


Awesome and have fun! Go and enjoy it. Be polite and friendly to W's new friends and sister. Keep the peace and make it a great bday for your D cause its all about her tomorrow! Also glad to hear you got it switched to a bowing alley and not a brewery...good job!


M: 37 W: 36
T: 16 M: 11
D2: 8,3
PA: 2015
WAW: 2016
W Filed: 2017
2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Bdog37] #2741131
04/28/17 08:22 AM
04/28/17 08:22 AM
Joined: Nov 2013
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Colorado
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Thornton Offline OP
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East - I'm not sure if I have the nice guy tendency. I need to revisit that book.

Bdog - thanks for the advice. I wont react.

Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Thornton] #2741134
04/28/17 08:38 AM
04/28/17 08:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
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Uphill Offline
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If there is one thing in common here thorn, we almost ALL have the nice guy tendancies buddy!


Me 34, XF 27
Many years together
Son 4
Engaged
Not engaged
Many false starts by XF
7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life
2/17 girlfriend moves in my home


Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Uphill] #2741145
04/28/17 10:10 AM
04/28/17 10:10 AM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 505
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EastTN Offline
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You'll never guess
Originally Posted By: Uphill
If there is one thing in common here thorn, we almost ALL have the nice guy tendancies buddy!


Tyler Durden in Fight Club said, "We are a generation of men raised by women" and that book really brought out to me just how badly many of us have been damaged by it.


Just keep swimming
Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: EastTN] #2741146
04/28/17 10:15 AM
04/28/17 10:15 AM
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Ginger1 Offline
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Originally Posted By: EastTN
Originally Posted By: Uphill
If there is one thing in common here thorn, we almost ALL have the nice guy tendancies buddy!


Tyler Durden in Fight Club said, "We are a generation of men raised by women" and that book really brought out to me just how badly many of us have been damaged by it.


This is interesting. Why is it damaging to be raised by women? I am curious.

Re: You guys aren't going to beleive this 3 [Re: Ginger1] #2741213
04/28/17 08:57 PM
04/28/17 08:57 PM
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 505
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EastTN Offline
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The thesis in ... is that we don't know how to be men. We come from broken homes, or homes where dad wasn't really present because he was working. We didn't have male role models. Lots of us swore at a young age not to be anything like our fathers.

We know how to be what women THINK a man should be.

It turns out that that's not actually what they want. So we try harder to be what our mothers, and our preschool and elementary school teachers told us we were supposed to be. We think that if we do that, if we just try hard enough, if we put our partners (and everyone else) first, our lives will be what we want them to be.

Except that's not how it works, and we fail again. So we try harder and the cycle repeats.

It's hard reading something like this and seeing so much of yourself in it.

Last edited by Cristy; 08/07/17 06:51 AM. Reason: As stated in our OnLine Community Board Rules, we do not allow recommendations of non-DivorceBusting books / websites / blogs etc

Just keep swimming
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