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#2735144 03/20/17 02:20 PM
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New thread for Sotto. I lost count of the number a while back - but there are many... crazy x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Thank you for starting a new thread and linking your threads together.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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congratulations on your promotion! i'm delighted you are doing so well, mentally, spiritually, physically - in all aspects !!! xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Sotto - You are my role model!!!!! I want to be me but with your attitude - I popped by and your updates are so inspiring. Lately I have felt a shift but your posts have helped describe that shift - a real detachment rooted in intention. Not fake it until you make it but honest to goodness detachment.

Looking through life with clarity and putting yourself in the center of the picture.

You paint a beautiful picture Sotto. Bravo!


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks Bttrfly and Gwen smile

Gwen, thanks for your kind words - it is good when you feel that shift - a lightness of heart and a genuine engagement in what is going on in your own life. I do feel I have managed to put XH very much on the back burner. Whether that is real detachment - I'm not sure how I would feel if I actually had to see him - or OW - I don't know and I still get some irrational, PTSD type symptoms when I have to visit their city.

What I do know is that the growth has been good for me. I do feel more accepting of myself and I feel more compassion towards him/them. I don't envy what they have as choosing a partner wisely is so important - and if we don't do that - our choice karmically becomes our life. What goes around comes around and if we choose to become OW - if our R starts in a deceptive, dishonest place - it may well end in that place too.

But, I also feel that's up to them and how any one chooses to live life is up to them. I'm exercising my own choices and hoping to live the best life I can. I still get moments of shock and disbelief - did this really happen to me? It is like I forget the loss and then I remember it again and have to remind myself it really did happen and here I am.

I do try and work on the premise that it's what I do that's important - not what XH did, does, may do - that's his side of the street, which is up to him and on him. I'm not really interested in hearing from 'new XH' - I don't believe he has much to offer me. He didn't end our marriage in a way that would build an onward friendship. Equally, I don't like to have such a rift in my life....so I still think I'm working through things and sorting through my feelings about everything.

I don't hope for reconciliation - but it would be nice to lay things to rest somehow - but I don't see many people get that from their former partner and I think we have to do our own laying to rest of things.

Anyway, just musing really. I just booked a place on a workshop linked to a really good book I recently read and my new post at work has just been announced. So, many positive developments in my life and I try to keep moving forwards...

Very best wishes to you xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Well, I haven't updated for a few weeks, so here goes...work is super busy and mixed too. My big project is progressing, but I'm out of my comfort zone at times. I started my new role (promotion) which is also a challenge and I'm a little out of my comfort zone there too. I'm starting to wonder if I may find myself on a work path that I don't truly want.

My boss (an old friend) is quite driven and ambitious for me. Me, I'm not that ambitious and prefer to be in my comfort zone and doing a job well. I guess I'll see how things unfold. I don't want to let him or me down, so I'll give things at least until the end of the year and if it isn't for me, I'll make plans. I may just be worrying unduly - it has been known in my case!

Still dancing, still singing and planning social stuff. I'm having a little party tomorrow, then off to a show on Saturday night and dancing Sunday. I'll be meeting up with SS and his Mum next week too. I've not seen him for a few months, or his Mum since last year. I'm sure it will be nice, but I always have a little 'opening the door back to the situation with XH' anxiety.

Next month will be a year since we D'd, so I'll have achieved my plan to not date during that time. Will I start thinking about that? Probably not. I don't see myself OLD, but I do seem to come in contact with a range of guys linked to activities I do - especially the dancing...so who knows??

Other than that, I'm looking to buy another little flat close to work, so hopefully that will all come together in coming months. Just living life really. Still ruminate from time to time, but really I have so little energy or regard for XH and what he may or may not be doing...

I hope everyone has a lovely Easter weekend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 6,119
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nice to read an update Sotto! While you aren't in your comfort zone, knowing you, you are still "crushing it" as the kids say smile

Good luck with the purchase. You sound like you're doing very well. I understand the anxiety but I'm so glad you're in touch with SS. He really needs adults in his life who aren't in MLC and don't model the behavior of his grandparents of just cutting people out.

Happy Easter to you my friend! Hope Mom and Dad are well xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Posts: 8,855
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Great to read your update Sotto

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Good to see an update Sotto .... I think its part of the process and you have done yourself a favor by giving yourself ample time to heal and grow from all this.

Good luck in your new position ... and yeah you will be fine .. out of your comfort zone = growth!


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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