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A Message from Michele
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Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2723130
12/28/16 12:47 PM
12/28/16 12:47 PM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
J
Jug Offline
Member
Jug  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
Your boundaries are your own and I agree with them. I had all kinds of ideas for how your son could be allowed to go to that house but you'll have to use your imagination...

What are your plans for separation?


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Re: Another WW [Re: Jug] #2723133
12/28/16 01:02 PM
12/28/16 01:02 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
L
Last79 Offline OP
Member
Last79  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
She doesn't have a job and we can't afford two places. I am going to ask her to move out and go live with her parents. I am thinking of doing the same and we can keep the kids in the house and switch every week. That's the plan in my head. I really have no clue what she is thinking. You would think if she was so miserable she would have been planning things but I know she hasn't. She might just want to get a divorce right away cause she only cares about herself and she knows she would get money from me, but we definately would have to sell our current house cause I couldn't afford that and afford her with no job.


Me:39
WW: 39
Kids: 11,8,4
Married: 15 years
Together 17 years
PA discovered November 2016
Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017
Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2723135
12/28/16 01:06 PM
12/28/16 01:06 PM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
J
Jug Offline
Member
Jug  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
Lots of similar situations out there. Talk to a L and don't leave your house.


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Re: Another WW [Re: Jug] #2723589
01/01/17 12:10 AM
01/01/17 12:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
L
Last79 Offline OP
Member
Last79  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Happy New Year everyone. I just got all the kids to sleep and we had a great night watching movies together. Wouldn't want to spend it any other way. The WW had no interaction with us tonight and spent the entire night upstairs in her room and was sleeping by 9. So sad, she is the one missing out on things. It's just so bizarre to me that anyone would act like that.
She did go out last night and before she left I said I hope you are thinking about what you want to do next because we need to talk next week and move forward with something cause I am not living like this anymore. I am not sure she was out with the OM , I just always assume at this point.


Me:39
WW: 39
Kids: 11,8,4
Married: 15 years
Together 17 years
PA discovered November 2016
Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017
Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2723940
01/03/17 09:25 PM
01/03/17 09:25 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
L
Last79 Offline OP
Member
Last79  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Well I finally had a conversation with the WW. Wasn't always calm and collective, so I didn't really do myself any favors. I forgot to validate her feelings, but don't think it matters. She said she doesn't like me anymore, I don't talk to her or support her and we are finished. I then said things like she was selfish and she never tried to save this marriage for us or the kids and if she can live with that let's move forward. She tried to validate her affair saying our marriage was over before the affair happened. I tried to turn it to her and tell her to make a plan and see what she wants to do since she doesn't have a job and we cannot afford to keep our life style. Of course she doesn't have one but after talking said we would move out and leave the kids in their home and swap weeks until she gets a job and can afford to move out.
I am ok with this, cause she isn't really present here when she is physically here anyway. She says she can't be around me so that's why she always hides out. I just am sick though thinking of telling the kids. I feel like I have failed them. And even though I hate my WW, I still love her and still dream of the idea of trying to work things out. I am starting to feel like the crazy one around here.
I feel like I am ok with leaving her, I just am not over the loss of a family and never having those together moments together, and missed opportunities with the kids in the future.


Me:39
WW: 39
Kids: 11,8,4
Married: 15 years
Together 17 years
PA discovered November 2016
Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017
Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2724048
01/04/17 05:12 PM
01/04/17 05:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
L
Last79 Offline OP
Member
Last79  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Do I need to bring up setting boundaries of seeing other people while separated? She obviously is talking to someone, but said they don't do anything anymore. I feel like if I am separated while I love her, I miss being with someone who loves me back and would love to go out with someone or hookup. I know that's probably not appropriate but we all have our needs. Just not sure if I should bring it up. I am pretty sure our marriage is over, as she told me that yesterday and today she said she doesn't ever think she was in love with me. That's always great to hear but at least she is telling me something.


Me:39
WW: 39
Kids: 11,8,4
Married: 15 years
Together 17 years
PA discovered November 2016
Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017
Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2724054
01/04/17 05:29 PM
01/04/17 05:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,126
Detached from EVERYbody
P
PatientMan Offline
Member
PatientMan  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,126
Detached from EVERYbody
You want to "hook-up" with someone while you are still married because you miss being with your wife who used to "love you back"?

I am not trying to give you my own moral compass, I just want you to use your own. Do what YOU think is right, honorable, kind, patient, compassionate, loving, and is a model of good behavior for all (especially your children).

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Re: Another WW [Re: PatientMan] #2724058
01/04/17 05:57 PM
01/04/17 05:57 PM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 386
P
PacLove Offline
Member
PacLove  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 386
Not a good idea... not only does it complicate things it doesn't feel good and doesn't justify what she is doing. My W at one point was encouraging me to "go out and date" to which I responded thanks but not really interested.

I tried it for a bit - and regret it as my W now wants to work on us. BTW most women aren't interested in someone not fully divorced anyways as they know the baggage you are carrying.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Re: Another WW [Re: PatientMan] #2724068
01/04/17 08:24 PM
01/04/17 08:24 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
L
Last79 Offline OP
Member
Last79  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Your right, it's wrong and I need to keep my own boundaries and morals in check.


Me:39
WW: 39
Kids: 11,8,4
Married: 15 years
Together 17 years
PA discovered November 2016
Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017
Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
Re: Another WW [Re: Last79] #2724089
01/05/17 04:12 AM
01/05/17 04:12 AM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
MrBond Offline
Member
MrBond  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Did you ever read DB or DR?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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