What a great symbol of GAL, parking your own car showed your newly independence from him, no words, just actions. Beautiful ! I am pretty sure somebody is going to be very puzzled tonight. So proud of you!
Don't worry about his absence of "appropriate communication", all MLCers do that. Just ignore it but it doesn't mean you have to accept a lack of respect (verbal abuse, spew, or OW). That's why you need boundaries to be put in place and have the consequences clearly spelled out. e.g.: _ if you want to see OW (aka enjoy some fun) please move out first I won't stop you, I cannot and don't want to control you but I cannot tolerate that lack of respect. - if you have any contact (messages or meetings) with OW behind my back and I become aware of it, I will deliver your luggage to your clerk at your office and send a general email to your friends to explain the situation because I won't take the blame.
Also make sure you don't tolerate any abusive comments , leave the room as soon it starts and go dark. Later on, let him now whatever the consequences you might think of. It is not about control it is about regaining control of your own dignity. Enjoy your kids, they need you. They are learning love , empathy and how to be treated and treat others through you... Stay informed whatever you feel is needed for your protection, sadly I saw so many women being shortsighted by their cheating husbands and it was too late. I learned from my "sisters". Myself staying informed helped me to learn OW1 was back with WH 4 months after DB 1, pushing him to leave me and the children and move across the country and abandoned us. Nothing wrong to know your enemies' plans unless you like being a victim and suffer another martyrdom. Life is a choice. And sincerely the kids and I had rather enough being abused verbally and walking on eggshells without knowing what to expect next.
Me 52+ WH 57+ Married 20 + Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
Sara, b4 your thread gets locked, I just needed to say this.
I understand your fear. Heck, I am still experiencing it.
I am not going to tell you bs about the pain and the fear going away magically. I also won't tell you bs about how you need to woman up and sweep these emotions under the rug.
We are entitled to our emotions. Right or wrong, moral or amoral, they serve a purpose. They tell us what we need to do to protect ourselves.
You fear that your kids will suffer if your M breaks down. In a D, there will always be scars. There will be pain, hurt and regret. It's total rubbish to say that kids aren't hurt by D.
But Sara, you've been trying so hard. And look at yourself, you're proof that you can defy the odds. Teach your kids the same skills that you've used. They need these skills regardless of how your M turns out.
The best you can do now is to take care of yourself. You don't have to choose to opt out of the M yet but you need to keep on even keel. Feel your fear and acknowledge what it's trying to tell you. Then act despite your fear; dont let fear cloud your judgment.
Pull back, Sara, pull back.
The fat lady hasn't sung yet. Remember what's in the stickies? Believe none of what they say and half of what they do.
Your h wants a D? Then let him do the dirty work. But get all your ducks in a row.
What has helped me is my religion. I pour myself into it and it provides me comfort. Perhaps you could find the same support from your faith?
(((Sara)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
