Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #6]

[ForGump]

Previous Thread

Thank you for your friendship: JR, CT, AP, Coly, LT, Sara, Jug, Mules and others whom I am forgetting.

I'm frustrated and a little puzzled that this web forum, in which anonymity and privacy is essential, does not offer a way to edit your own posts. I hope MWD and her staff rethink this issue more carefully.

I never thought I'd be where I am now.

Last night I (re-)watched "Saving Private Ryan," which -- despite a spattering of the usual Hollywood syrup in a few places -- put my current troubles in perspective, and highlighted the absurdity and arbitrariness of fate, as well as the importance of strength and honor. Actually, I think it's strength *from* honor, strength that is simply trying to adhere to your own principles while struggling with your emotional pain and impulses.

I don't know if I'm doing everything right. In fact I know I must not be. But I am trying to do the right thing, for my kids, for myself, and even for my W.

[Jug]

I'm glad saving private Ryan gave you good perspective. I'm extra selective with the movies myself as there are so many damn triggers. Hang in there and post what you are comfortable posting.

[JRuss]

Gump -- yeah, we have it rough for sure, but not first-wave Omaha Beach rough. Perspective never hurts.

(Going all the way back to your original post ("Keep Wearing Wedding Band"), I've found myself more and more taking my ring off and putting it in my pocket. I always put it back on when I'm around her, and I think it's because it would still be a really big blow were she to take off hers (as she'd probably do if she saw me without mine), but I go long periods of time where I feel like I'm not really "married" anymore other than legally.)

[ForGump]

I decided by trying to think of just me. If I were stranded on a deserted island right at this moment with nobody to see me or care, would I wear the ring.

[Jug]

I think the same way and wear mine. Ww doesn't for a few reasons...

[doodler]

...and I think it's because it would still be a really big blow were she to take off hers (as she'd probably do if she saw me without mine), but I go long periods of time where I feel like I'm not really "married" anymore other than legally.

JRuss,

While she's asleep you should superglue her ring to her finger and then take yours off. When she realizes that you've removed your ring, point and laugh while she tries to remove her ring.

Well, maybe that's not such a good idea, but it's fun to scheme.

[JRuss]

doodler -- I'd have to sneak into her new bedroom, and the door's kind of creaky, but I may give it a shot.

[ForGump]

Personally, I think it's cool that your W keeps her ring on. Maybe the prevailing advice on sex applies to this as well: as long as it helps her stay connected to you, keep doing it.

[JRuss]

Yeah, me too, if I'm honest. Or, if not exactly "cool", then at least one thing that's contra-indicative of the overall trend toward more and more separation and loss of connection.

In the spirit of keeping it honest, when I take mine off, it's almost out of rebellion or as a way I can make myself feel less acted upon and more acting for/by myself. If that makes sense.

Sex seems long, long gone at this point, which will ultimately force my hand if it doesn't force hers first.

[miky152]

I left mine on up until I confirmed a physical affair...at which point I took it off out of anger. Now I can't find it! Talk about a bad omen...