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A Message from Michele
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Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Underdog] #2721872
12/19/16 05:57 PM
12/19/16 05:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,087
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kml Online
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Quote:
It dawned on me in my 30s that I actually am attracted to geeks:


Comic-con is the place to find them!

AS for your ex - remember, he wasn't just leaving you. He was leaving the reality and the pain of caring for a child with a disability. Thank goodness he's been a responsible parent since, but still - he wasn't strong enough to stay and take it, he had to escape off into the fantasyland of "unattached single guy".

I'm sure you've wished sometimes that you could escape to that place too. But, being the solid adult that you are, you stuck it out and did what needed to be done. It's rotten that he was too weak and you have that job. At least, he's felt sufficiently guilty to do the right thing financially.

Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: kml] #2721885
12/19/16 10:34 PM
12/19/16 10:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
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Sorry GB for this hijack...

Ellie, I'll have to check Comic-con when it's here next year... Thanks for the referral.

I should be heading to bed, but I want to post here. I'm scratching my head (it kinda hurts) at what you wrote. I think this might be a case of "I didn't see it until... I saw it". Or in this case, until I was ready to see it in print. Here it is, folks. Evidence that 14 years later I'm still gaining clarity. Thanks, Ellie!

I don't think I ever believed... Or wanted to believe.... That he checked out of our reality, and that I was collateral damage in the process. But your very succinct words hit a home run for me tonight. I'm going to ruminate over night. There's nothing to mull because I know what you said is the truth. I'm just going to digest it.

Yes, periodically I'd like a break from being "the man". It would be nice to have an absolute true partner in every sense of the concept. But seriously, I love having her in my everyday life. If I had to make a choice between D19 and him, she'd win every time. She's less moody and a lot easier to get along with.

Thanks again. The truth dart makes perfect sense.


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Underdog] #2726802
01/23/17 08:42 AM
01/23/17 08:42 AM
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Thanks Ellie and Betsy. I always welcome chatter, banter, humor, and anything else. I'm notorious for high jacking others threads so please...all candor is welcome here at the GB casa.

I'm in one of those gosh darn funks. I went out of town for work for a week and have some other trips coming up. I took NG home to spend Christmas with my mom, brother and niece. Last year we did it in June so I was on it this year. It was super toasty-81 in January. We were there for about 24 hours and had a good time. NG and I got to go out and watch the games and have a little fun. We don't get to go out on a date much. My ex-ILs adore the NG and so did my family. He came over and hung out with my ex-ILs while I was out of town.

I feel like I am at a different place. I'm not really sure what that "place" is. NG is very patient, treats me like a queen without smothering me, great with the kids, and is an all around good guy. I do love him and yet, when I am away from him, I don't really miss him. I'm ready to see him when I do, but in a way it's like he doesn't exist. Yet, there is a part of me that feels like I'm picking the same person again. With a different name and just a little shorter than the previous choices:)

I know we talk about types. I've never considered myself to have a type yet one thing is certain..I DO seem to attract a certain type of man. Even my ex-BIL says so. He always says, "GB, we should send you to this x festival. You can come back with a bunch of romantic marriage proposals or at least an array of choices of boyfriends." I attract these very artsy, creative, and romantic men who seem uncertain of what they want in a career. That's fine. I don't expect anyone to take care of me. No one has since I was 13 years old. However, sometimes I wonder if I should do something different. Or just not date period. I'm going to say something and if it sounds bad...well, then it sounds bad. I always feel like that is my only choice. Those men are drawn to me like a fly to honey and well, I realize I have to like who likes me. I see soooooooo many women fight that and I never have. But, even though I do love him, can see myself with him and enjoy being with him, I wonder if somehow I am doing the same thing all over again.

Go ahead. Take a swing at a sista with a 2x4 or perhaps put some thumb tacks in my chair.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Georgiabelle] #2727380
01/26/17 11:49 AM
01/26/17 11:49 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 6,756
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Ack, no 2x4 or thumbtacks here. I don't think you need a whack.

Quote:
I do love him and yet, when I am away from him, I don't really miss him.


GB, while I sit here and type, I'm wondering if this is because you won't let yourself go here? In NO way am I judging you... because we've been hurt, it's really hard to allow someone to mean that much. If you wrote anything different about this guy, I might respond differently.

Is it bad to have a "type"?

I think it's really easy to tap into that part of ourselves that existed when we were single before marriage - dating toads, kissing them and finding sparks with men who were completely wrong for us. The lull of that pull is super tough to navigate. It's even harder with friends who are still in love with their spouses and here we are?

I've had that heady feeling, but the best relationships I've ever had have been with guys who started as my friend. Like you, I need to *like* someone before I fall for them. And the funny thing is that it is even more important to me now.

So I'm going to throw something at you that is the same advice I gave my D22 a few months ago: why screw up something that is good because you're not sure why you feel unsettled? I suggested to her to see that perceived red stop light as an opportunity to figure it out. When she knew why, then the light would turn green. Funny, it didn't take her long to get to the root of the problem and see that she wasn't really at an intersection.

I think it's super important to tap into that part of you that feels like that and really analyze where that stuff originates. Do you feel the pull to have new and start over? Or is it because you're not fulfilled and figure it's easier to rid yourself of the stuff around you than get to work?

I say these things because 1) I care; and 2) this is something I do too. It's a lot easier to look outside of ourselves for that "happy place" when it's really an inside job. And yes, I gave myself the same lecture a few days ago. I haven't done anything about my doldrums, but I know why I'm there. The svcky part is that I'm there because I put myself there. Blech. I need to be the person I want to appear in my life. Wow, that's depressing, because I'm not even close!

So what's the real underlying stuff that has you navel gazing and unsettled?

Hugs!


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Underdog] #2730037
02/14/17 11:23 AM
02/14/17 11:23 AM
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Thanks for stopping by Betsy. You always give the best advice and ask the "good" questions. I took a break for a bit and now I am back. I do appreciate you pushing me and in all honesty, I'm not sure I have an answer. Maybe I wonder if I have it in me to really "be" with someone right now?

I was out of town last week. And I felt good. I had lots of meetings with clients and I really enjoy those. It was nice to have a bit of free time and hang out with one of my coworkers. I didn't "miss" NG, yet we went to a concert when I returned and had a great time. I was really happy to be with him. When we have a little time alone, I feel connected to him and think I want to be with him. He is a fantastic guy-even wrote a song for me and played it on his guitar. It's the life stuff that throws me for a loop. Like all grownups, it feels like a constant juggling act and some days I think I don't have it in me to continue to juggle it all. I certainly know I am not unique in these feelings. But, if I am being honest,I love the ease I have with NG. However, and I have to bring this up because eh...it kind of made my head spin.

Ex Mr. GB moved out 3 years ago today. He has been acting a bit odd the last several months. Sending me an old pic. Asking me if I remember x, y or z. He broke up with his gf. He did say to a mutual friend (and allegedly all over Twitter), that he wonders if he made a mistake 3 years ago. That maybe he didn't really try. Granted, I know ex Mr. GB. He does like attention and a good pity party. Heck, I like a pity party too with queso and coconut margaritas. I digress. This means nothing I totally understand that. It does still make me sad that my family is no longer intact. I genuinely believe ex Mr. GB did the best he could with the tools he had. And a severe mental illness. And I know he is a good person. But somehow, it bothers me that he reaches out so I try to remain cordial but neutral. If I engage with a funny memory, he will disappear. So, I am friendly, yet still sad this caca ended this way. I believe that will always leave me with a certain level of sadness. Doesn't mean I don't move on or forward, just means it IS sad when your family falls apart. Period.

Also, I am really struggling with my weight. People around me are getting thinner and I feel like a balloon. I work out 6 hours a week and I swear I could smell a cookie and my jeans get super snug. I'm trying to mix it up more because this really plays a number on me. I look at people eating normal food and I think "how does that work?" Plus, I took this headshot at work and I could not feel worse. I wasn't dressed for head shots, hair was wet, and I had on a plaid shirt. The angle is underneath and I think it is the worst photo I have ever seen of myself. Argh!!!

I digress. NG is coming over to make dinner tonight for me and my people. My little one did tell me that I am always his Valentine. Swooooooon.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Georgiabelle] #2730267
02/15/17 01:19 PM
02/15/17 01:19 PM
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Hope your evening with NG was good. And, how sweet of the little one. Kids are so precious! I think we all like a pity party, but sign me up for yours if queso and margaritas are involved, because that is my kind of pity party. wink

Happy Wednesday, GB!


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Dawn70] #2730335
02/16/17 02:07 AM
02/16/17 02:07 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
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Hi GB, it sounds as though things may have started to turn with your XH and he does have some regrets. Posting those on social media I find a little funny - but people do post all kinds of things which are deeply private. Perhaps he is hoping you will become aware without him telling you directly?

You sounds a little ambivalent about NG - and I also wonder how you feel about the situation with XH too? In my situation, I have only dealt with 'unresponsive' XH who is having a R with someone else. Truly, I can't see he and I together again, but at the same time, I'm not sure how I would feel if I had to deal with 'responsive/remorseful' XH.

I love your posts GB and they always bring a smile to my face.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Sotto] #2730382
02/16/17 07:50 AM
02/16/17 07:50 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Thanks Dawn and Sotto. I appreciate you stopping by...I love having guests:)

Sotto, I have thought a great deal about whether or not I do or don't feel a certain way about NG. I appreciate you calling out what I wondered for several months-am I ambivalent about him? Or am I ambivalent about Rs in general? He is wonderful. We have a great time together and I do love him. However, I am not sure if it is timing or if it is me, but I really don't think it's him. I think I feel ambivalent about relationships in general. I believe in love and marriage very much. However, there is a part of me that genuinely wonders at this point what does being in a relationship really mean to me at this point? Something really switched in me the last couple of years. I do discuss this with NG. I don't know if I want to get married again. I did that and I loved being married. However, I'm not so sure I want to do that again.

I'm going to sound like one of "those people" right now. I cannot change our society-I can only behave what matches my beliefs. However, it seems like most people think "until death do us part" means "Until I don't want to." And now I realize, that is fine. Really. We all have choices and the only guarantees in life are death and taxes:) There is a part of me that wonders "why bother?" I know that sounds very jaded, however, I see it everyday. So there is a part of me that sincerely wonders why people want to commit? People talk about how awful divorce is yet many peeps keep doing it. NG has been married twice and his first marriage last a little over a year. What I have right now is what I loved.....15 or 20 years ago. Now, having someone say that I am what they want and have been looking for feels.....somewhat meaningless? I mean, I did this twice before with my xh and xb of 7 years. Some days I experience deja vu and think "and I should do this again because.....?" I have no idea if that makes sense. It really is me. Sometimes I like parts of the newly refurbished GB and sometimes I liked the old one better. I wish I felt different but I swear my feelings aren't directed at him. He is however, the recipient of those feelings sometimes. It is me. There are moments with NG and I think "this is what I always wanted" and then something happens and I think "eh.Nope."

Sorry for that lengthy dissertation. In regards to xh, I do get sad. We shared such a bond that I won't have with anyone else. However, I have zero desire to revisit that as being with him was very draining. And I bet that feeling is mutual. I do wish him peace and happiness-something I did not wish him last year. And we get along well. Friendly yet a bit stifled at times. That may subside over more time.

I cried as I wrote this but I have to dust myself up for a brainstorming session. Sorry to be a downer. On a happy note, I got myself a new hammock:) It's going to be 78 here this weekend.

Love to you all.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Georgiabelle] #2730748
02/19/17 09:38 AM
02/19/17 09:38 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Vanilla Offline
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Just seems normal and usual to me.

Not wanting to be vulnerable and hurt again, I get it, it's protective.

After everything in your life and your ex, I think it is rational and logical, makes sense to me.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Re: Hello...can you hear me? [Re: Vanilla] #2731349
02/22/17 01:32 PM
02/22/17 01:32 PM
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Posts: 1,922
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Georgiabelle Offline OP
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Thanks for stopping by, V. I hope you are well and I just wanted to tell you that I know you have been through much and you are always so supportive of others.

I have no idea why I just realized this. I have only truly dated a handful of people and I just realized that my x bf's BIL was a very famous musician and now my NG's BIL is a very, very famous musician. What's the likelihood of this happening and I don't live in Hollywood, NYC or Nashvegas? Just realized this.

NG put together my new patio furniture last night and made me dinner. He has his D tonight so I am by myself (well, with fur people) and I am getting a pedicure.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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