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Joined: Oct 2014
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Maybe

Can you Google Kubler Ross and grief.

Letting go of an R, and that includes one that gets rebuilt is grief.

There are distinct stages to it, and it is important to know this is 100% normal and usual. Knowing the grief process means that you will never be surprised by it.

It's ok sweetheart, it's all on cue and as it is intended to be.

Choose a lovely new red lipstick and Wear it with pride.

Hugs

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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So, H came vaccum the house for me. Also washed the dog. He however asked me to pay half for the insurance of the family car. He said he's broke. I am making even with my income of my part time job and bills at the moment. Anything extra would need to come out of my savings, which I do not like touching coz these money is to pay for son's future, or H's half of the house. Who knows.

I checked his bank account because I am very confused with his behaviours. I was overly hopeful and always thought he's journey should be a short one. Yes, I am stupid to think I was an exception to all other LBS journeys. I found he started spending in casino and paid $900 in Prada. After learning that I took off my wedding ring. my engagement ring was only $100, our wedding rings were 400 for both. Not that I care about money. It's because I don't. And because I am working my butt off as a single mum with a part time job and still receive comments about my housework without him living in the house, I do not have patience for a man who spends money he does not have to impress some girl (or trans), and ask me for money to pay for the car that's in his name.

I do use it, I think it's somehow fair. My love has chipped away for him again. Ithink I will just keep things business like again. Maybe this is what true detaching is like...


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Oh yes Maybe, the gambling issue.

Gamblers are master practitioners in cash extraction and twilling V term).

The Giggalo received 150k $ redundancy in Feb by early September gone. He put his petrol on my credit card, heaid his entertaining from joint funds and had a pension and a salary.

In the end it boiled down to him withdrawing from our joint bill account to take an OW to the Casino. WH was in GA and said it was 'boring'. I am in GAMANON, which is 12 stepping for loved ones of gamblers. I recommend that you attend GAMANON, there are behaviours gamblers do that are way beyond wayward that really send you spinning. Gamblers will not only gamble their money but yours too. So this 12 step program will give you RL support in a way no other will.

They may also have access to therapy resources specially for those affected by gamblers. The Giggalo almost destroyed me, and unknowingly I was enabling his behaviour by not setting proper boundaries.

It's a boundary, if he can't afford his car then he can't. There are consequences to driving without insurance.

Oh yes, being nice to you first is the sweet part of the sweet cycle thenot comes the sauce (asking outrageously) followed by the rage and devaluation. It's your resources he needs to gamble.

Please consider 12 steps.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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BtW your cash might be better spent on a cheap run around vehicle for you. Remember this car is a marital asset. If you pay ask for your name on the log book too.

He can just as easily run off in the car in his name after you have paid insurance or sell it, or it be taken by a casino.

Suggest he sell it and you get two cheaper cars, watch the rage. I suggest that to the Giggalo, his response he went out a bought a top of the range Audi. I drive a white van which has just been scrapped.

Mind blowing isn't it?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Thanks V, again for your heads up. I never thought he would go this far, but again I would of swear a year again this would never of happen to us. I will do things necessary to protect me and my son.

I had started to put money in my son's name, maybe I should move more money from the joint account to my son's. I had also started to consider to move back to my home country where I can get better family support and better jobs. The thing is, I moved away to stay away from my step mum coz she was abusive to me when I was young. And in our culture, it was okay to act that way to your "naughty child" and my dad didn't defend me. The dynamic at home of course had changed, but I don't think I would ever truely forgive her without her sincere apology. So we get along. But I don't know if I want to be back permanently.

Life is full of choices. But knowing I have some provides some sort of comfort. I need to put me and my son first. And I really mean it this time.


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 57
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I don't know what planet I was on when I first started DBing. I was a lot more positive. Maybe it's me in denial. Whatever that was had worn off. I can't looked at him and carry out normal conversations anymore. I am not detaching, I am now just close off. I don't know how to be open and not let myself be hurt. I understand he's in the fog, but I got angry, resentful all the same. I guess I overestimate myself for my unconditional love. I want to be his lighthouse, but I need to rescue myself first.

Good news is I am finally pulling back. I am very run down at the moment, definitely want to look after myself first. Asked H to be watch S more instead of worrying about S not being in my presence. Went to the first ballet class as my GAL. Was fun. Look forward to the next one. Working on treating H like a work colleague at work.


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 250
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Eh, don't beat yourself up over getting angry, it is hard not to sometimes. I have very much so struggled with anger and resentment myself. I am sometimes rude to my W when we text because I'm so angry with her. I always feel like poo afterwards though so you'd think I would just stop it. Just try to not get stuck in the anger and resentment if possible. I'm trying so that I don't become bitter, but it is hard sometimes and I think anger is normal to an extent.

Definitely take care of yourself first! That's exactly what you need to be doing, that and taking care of your son.


Me: 35 W: 32
MR: 2y T: 3.5y
SS11
BD: 11/3/16
EA: 10/26/16
PA: 11/11/16
W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16
Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL
I filed for D: 12/14/16
D-day: 3/10/17
Joined: Oct 2016
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Hello other DBers, hope everyone is having a nice holiday regardless the ups and downs our (wannabe) WAS are throwing at us. Updates from me, my sister is visiting, so I managed to have a good time and keeping busy. She's leaving on NYE, but I want to focus on the positives even it will be just my son and I in the house.

H is not getting better. I throught he was, or I hope so. They don't call it roller coaster ride for nothing I guess. He seems to be laughing more with our son, but still angry, bitter, quick to start an argument. Threatening to take away the car, come in the house with his key and yell it's his house coz he's still paying. I know they are heat of the moment talk. But very disappointed at him to act like that right before Xmas lunch with family. My sister saw us for the first time after BD and said he just need more time to come around, and said he seemed to still care. I am happy to hear that but don't want to get my hopes up. But I do feel I can be happy without him now. Things will be harder, but me and my son will be fine.

I haven't seen son with H coz I never stay around anymore, but at Xmas lunch, son is very clingy to H, H enjoyed it and almost paraded about it, but for me, it's sad to see coz it says how much son misses his daddy. Even a 18 months old notice his absence. I again can't help but feel devastated for my son having to have two homes growing up. But we will stop here, nothing I can do...


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 57
M
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Big slide back to the old habits. Was upset by his comments, reacted, joined in the "augment", up at 5am thinking about what I should say to him or do to change the current situation. I need to remind myself not to jump in this MLC black hole. Of course, he seems so much more stable after I got emotional.

Still struggling balancing childcare, work, housework, and here he is wanting to do more, start paying for car, mortgage, walk the dog more. Need a lift out of these negativity...


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 57
M
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Joined: Oct 2016
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My little boy is growing fast, sometimes it makes me sad because he is not living in a "whole family" might need to move between 2 homes in the future. But I start to recognise that's fear within me speaking. He will be a happy kid as long as me and H both love him.

H starts asking me for money to pay for the mortgage. I panicked a bit, but I also learn that things might get "worse", but me and my boy are healthy, are enjoying life, are together. And happiness is a choice.

I have bad days where it feels like nothing changes, and we will forever be in limber. But time is passing, and it's getting easier. I get mad myself sometimes for not changing quick enough, I still got upset by him, react in the moment, try to control things that are out of my control. But I know now straight after, and I try to rectify things the best I can. I allow myself to stay up after baby is sleeping to watch some mindless TV, have a wine. Life is still good, even I still feel like crying from time to time.

Letting go is not easier especially he comes in causally and chat and laugh like we used to. I just have to keep trying... and that makes me feel okay.


Me: 33 H: 32
T: 10 years M: 2
BD: Aug 2016
H moved out Aug 20, 2016
S: 17 months old
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