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coffee_ #2737240 04/03/17 10:08 AM
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Well, I had my first real visual of my XW with the OM. My stomach dropped and there was something that came up in my throat.
I feel I have done a good job at detaching. So why are these feelings still coming to me? I feel ripped off, lied to.

I know I need to move on, and I have for the most part, but I still have to deal with that woman on a weekly basis because we have S14 and some other loose ends to tie up.

For the vets...how do I completely move on, I feel I am stuck, just treading water right now. I have GAL. I was reading another post on here about finding my passion. I just don't have that yet, I feel I am searching for it but have not found it. Nor do I have time...busy at work and being a single dad.

I get wrapped up in my head sometimes,,,thinking about why this all happened to me, what did I do to deserve this. Sometimes for hours on end. Then I conclude that I didn't deserve this, but I am glad to be free from the drama, the cheating, the lies. A year ago I was living in my dream house, taking care of a 2yo that wasn't mine, dealing with a drunk FIL, and a lying wife. Today I live in an apartment, work my behind off, spend time with my new GF (who is amazing, I never knew how good it felt to actually be loved for who I am) I am happy to be single most days but look forward to being a Husband again, I feel I was a good one. I have also realized that my XW and I just got M'd when we where too young. We survived many tragedies hardships and disappointments. I think these just built up over time and she gave up in wanting to be a team. I am sad for that, we made a good team. I guess I will never know how it feels to be her, to cheat, to be so destructive to a relationship, to my life partner. I do know that I will never do that to my loved ones.

Last edited by job; 05/26/17 06:58 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
coffee_ #2737245 04/03/17 10:27 AM
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Coffee,

Your bomb drop was only a year ago. There is still more healing for you to do. You went from being married to being a new relationship before you really were able to heal with the scars this leaves behind.

You've been moving along to other steps pretty fast without fully dealing with what this whole sitch left behind. I'm not saying get out of your R. But don't be in such a rush to find this personal "passion" you seek. You'll find what you love ot do when it's time.

More often than not we try to find ways to cover up and just move on. Moving on is good, but keep dealing with your feelings and time really does make a HUGE difference.

Ginger1 #2737793 04/06/17 09:30 AM
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Thanks Ginger,
I feel I have managed my new R well. I am taking it slow as far as future plans with this new girl. We get along very well, no big R talks, she has her own stuff going on right now too, dealing with her big D that happened a year and a half ago. I spend a fair amount of time on my own, learning to be single and finding myself as an individual. Your right, jumping into a big heavy relationship would not be good right now for me. I really like this person and I feel we have a good healthy relationship where we have our own individual time yet connect a couple days a week. I don't ever want to become dependent on another person for happiness.

After the initial lump in my throat went away when I say OM's truck parked in my old driveway, I kind of just dusted my hands off and said to myself "okay I got that overwith".

Last edited by job; 05/26/17 06:59 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
coffee_ #2743763 05/18/17 12:12 PM
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Just checking in...
Most days are good for me. However I have recently began loosing confidence and feeling some low self worth. I know the XW's A is not my fault but I cant help but think what I could have done differently. I feel like I am just treading water right now instead of moving forward. Today I miss the life I once had as a married guy, I didn't ask for any of this and now here I am. I am making the best of it and trying to be the best dad I can be, but my resources are limited now compared to when I had a home, shop, toys, and the ability to do some outdoor adventures with my S. I do enjoy my time with him.

I still have high anxiety when I have to attend a soccer game or a band concert, knowing that his mother will be there. I keep waiting for her to show up with the OM, trying to work out my reaction in my head. I don't want to act like a coward, yet I don't want to punch him in the face either. I guess I just have to hold my head high and be as polite as I can.

Last edited by job; 05/26/17 06:59 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
coffee_ #2744651 05/25/17 12:16 PM
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Another check in.
Yesterday would have marked 22 years if I was still married.

I decided to take the day for myself and play hookie. I was lazy in the morning, sat around and drank some coffee and watched the news a bit. I bought myself some new socks and shorts. Then I headed down the road and found as many dirt roads that I could and enjoyed the beautiful spring day in Montana, awesome views of green valleys and white mountain peaks. Stopping to watch birds and take some cool pictures. I stopped for lunch with my lady friend, it was nice to see her. I returned home and cooked a couple of awesome rib eye steaks and had my good friend over for a couple beers and a darn good steak dinner.

I spent time grieving the loss of what I thought my marriage was. Remembering the good times with here (there where plenty of those). And spent a fair amount of time enjoying me for who I am. It was a day of reflection and planning for my future.

I had not heard from my ex in days, she usually doesn't contact me when she has the S14 in her care, when I have him I hear from her all the time. Anyways yesterday she sent several texts, none of which required immediate reply so I didn't. Her last text of the day was, I guess I was just wanting to talk to you today, I hope your well. My first thought was "now you want to talk"?

I chalked it up as a victory, I didn't take the bait and I spent the entire day just loving myself. It was quite liberating to know that I can do that.

Last edited by job; 05/26/17 06:59 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 21 years
XW 43yo, me 41 yo
S13
BD March 2016 - she asked me to patient...
End of June - I started the D process.
D final 2/23/17
"He who forgets will be destined to remember"
Eddie Vedder
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