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For those of us who knew Jack Three Beans aka Jeff, JTB, or just plain Jack you will agree he would hate a thread dedicated to some of the wisdom he shared on these pages.

BUT

To honor the true essence of the man and to attempt to provide a place to find some great words from a great man as you move on your path through this.... I thought I would start this thread and Job will sticky this to the top of our forum.

So please share your Jackisms and those famous 2x4s he was known for wielding.

I found this on my thread and I think it appropriate to kick off this thread:

Originally Posted By: Jack Three Beans
I know what you mean...when I'm dead standing in front of St. Peter I am sure as heck going to be worried about what strangers thought of me back when I was alive. smile

Come on Grace...F them. Go do for you and screw what MOST people may think.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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I give you the second post he made to me and my introduction to J3B

Originally Posted By: Jack3Beans
Blunt?

(aghast)

Heaven forbid! wink Thanks Cat.

If I thought Cadet had to worry about an OM, I would have been...subtle.

Cadet,

I have a question for you.

Can an old dog learn new tricks? : )


And it would take me sometimes days to figure out what the heck he was talking about.

Love ya J3B.


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Here is a quote that one of our moderators, sgctxok, posted:

Jeff/Jack's first post was to help someone else. A great quote from that post,


"If you wife is worth fighting for, then your marriage is worth waiting for."--Jack Three Beans

It's a quote he lived.
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sg


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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From Bee29:

Jack, you touched so many lives... Every time I don't feel like talking to my husband I recall what you told me - that many LBSs would give a kidney to talk - and I talk to him.

Your messages will stay with us forever. All my thoughts are with your family.
_________________________
M: 41
H: 50
2S: 13 & 15
H moved out Feb 2016


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Jack posted this for me back in August, when I was considering telling H about a comment S10 made at the time:

"Esame,

About children and the MLCer.

Its a hard thing to do, should he be aware of what your son said?

That's a tough question.

Advice I'd offer is that if you choose to make him aware, do it generally. I wouldn't specifically tell him word for word what your son said, but that your son seems to be concerned and maybe he or both of you could talk to him about it.

I tried my best to insulate my boys and kept things very general with them about what was going on, and with her regarding things they said about her when they did.

I believe guilt a is very big part of the MLCer and adding to it makes them sort of rabbit away from sources of guilt quickly
."


I can see now that if I told H about every negative comment the kids made I would a) be using to the kids and b) pushing H further away...


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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"Let your anger BE your armor. But use it as a shield, not a sword."


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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This really isn't any advice, but Jack posted this to me very early in my sitch and it is something that I've always remembered, but really couldn't even relate to until fairly recently:

I wouldn't trade who I have become for anything.

Thanks Jack.

Tad


Currently:
M 54 XW 55
Sons 35,31,29,27

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Regarding children I remember Jacks's advice:

It is not your job to fix the relationship between your spouse and your children, it is your responsibility not to damage it.


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More from JTB:

Originally Posted By: JTB
Actually... You are the reason you are hurting, your choice, your emotional commitment. Your choice to stay the course.

And you have to be strong.


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Jack on using the pronoun "I" as in

I know
I want
I am working on ...
I have no control over ...
What I was trying to say was ...
I will...
I remain ...

In speaking to your spouse:

Originally Posted By: JTB
Lot's of I's there. Lots of them. I could retire if mining I's was profitable.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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