Sad Dad needs help II

[Hopful]

I'm not being spiteful. And I'm not being rude. W says I'm being "difficult" bc I've got my own lawyer who's looking out for me. Spent all afternoon getting hateful texts from her.

[Vapo]

Water off a duck's back, buddy, water off a duck's back...

[MrBond]

What helped me in my situation was when my W was doing things like that, I started thinking of her like one of those crazy people you see walking down the street muttering to themselves. If you saw one of those and they started yelling hateful things at you would you pay them any attention? Of course not.

In fact it got to the point that when my W would spew I would just stare incredulously and wonder if she even knew what she was saying. Turn your phone off.

[Hopful]

Turning the phone off is a good idea. The only reason I don't is in case other people need to contact me. (Kids).

[MrBond]

Then change the ringtone of her text to just go silent. You seem to be coming up with alot of excuses why you can't do something.

[Hopful]

D just confirmed my suspicions. W and OM have moved in together. I was expecting it but still hurts. W told D and her mother not to tell me or her father. W tried to get D to buy her Starbucks. Then got mad at her when she wouldn't. W was complaining to D that she's afraid for her job and she feels like her life is spiraling out of control. Of course it's all my fault.

[trumpet]

Some people have to hit rock bottom before they get better.

I've put my ex-WW's phone calls on mute, and her texts on silent. I never know when I get one, until I respond to someone else. It helped a lot.

[Hopful]

W bailed on D again today. We weren't surprised. W wants the love seat out of our living room. S was against this so offered to buy it from her. W texted him this morning telling him she wanted $800 for it. He went off on her. Told her if she was gonna live with the OM he should be providing for them. Told her to take all the furniture if she wanted but OM better. It set foot on our property and S won't bring it to her bc he's not stepping foot on OMs property. W texted me this afternoon saying she's not asking for anything from me but wants stuff from the house. Says its half hers too. I said yes but it's partly the kids too. She texts back saying to keep it. She knows she's hurt everyone and she never meant for this to happen. I didn't text her back but was thinking, if she didn't mean for this to happen what did she think was going to happen. She went looking for an OM, she moved out and blamed all of her probs on me, and she's the one who filed for divorce. Idk. Maybe she is starting to feel remorse. I'm being cautious though. She's done me like this before. Gets me to feel sorry for her the. I get my hopes up and she breaks me down again. How can u tell when the remorse is genuine?

[Vapo]

Look buddy, I am going to give it to you straight. Your W is in the world of hurt, and it is only going to get worse. Remorse? No, not by a long shot. She still thinks you are the reason for her unhappiness and she finally got a shot of being happy. Now the process will begin where she is dumbfounded why she isn't happy, even though she got away from your "evil" influence. Now is the time to leave her perfectly alone, so she gets to grips with the possibility that it was not you that made her miserable. Now it is vital that you realize that she and she alone can and has to come to this understanding. Resist any and all urges to "help" her. Time for her to pull up her big girl britches.

Stay strong buddy, the situation will likely get worse before it gets better. You are veeeeeeeeeeeeery early in and progress is measured in months and years rather than days and weeks.

[Surfer]

Hopful,

You have perfect advice here. Do not contact your wife any more - unless its something that is genuinely about kids and important. Don't make excuses consciously or subconsciously to contact her for your own connection.

She will get in touch with you. Exactly as Mr Bond says. Imagine she is mentally ill. Because in a way she is. I don't know if it is 'like' or actually 'is' depression but in many cases it is depression.

You have to detach from her and you can't do that by staying in touch. We all flounder around with this to start with and will make the odd mistake and have the odd wobble. Try your best and if you do make a mistake. Get straight back on with your goals. Which, for now should include to detaching, having fun with your son and put her to one side. Just be the best dad and let your son know that you are both there for each other.

Surfer.