Ginger I confess I don't know what spotted dick even is. Spotted Cow, however, is rather good beer brewed about 100 miles from my house. Does that count?
So, let's see if I can put words to a few things here.
1. I too have sort of gravitated to longer distance Rs post D. For me, I'm pretty sure it was because I didn't want a full on R and dating someone an hour, two or three away kept that from happening. It was my safety zone. the thing is, while 3 hours is very manageable, 10 is much harder. When we first met a year ago, she didn't want to try for anything more than "pen pals," in her words. Then, we had a great first date, she texted the next day and said how she can't wait to do it again. Then she pulled back. Being the good DBr I am, I didn't pursue and low and behold she came back around. That said, she is still more concerned about the distance than I am. I also think that marrying her college sweetheart, being together for 25 years and him dying of cancer also has her cautious about things. She has not dated much since his death four years ago. I would be totally fine with doing vacations, phone, perhaps getting together once a month, but sense she is not - at least not so far. It's hard to even figure as we've known each other for a year but we really only have gone out a few times. It's like a long distance friendship so far. As for me moving there. I'd say there is less than a 5% chance of that. Her state is so off my path. I've only been there once. My life is here. My career is here. My family is here. I just don't see ever moving there. I think she might move here or at least to Chicago which would be 90 minutes away. That's so in the future though and I don't think much about it.
2. While I've done and am fine with longer distance Rs, I swear that's all I seem to find lately. It started with V a year ago. Then I see this interesting lady in a photo with good friends of mine. I ask about her, my friend says "she'd be perfect for you" but then adds she recently moved about 15 hours away (by car). So getting farther away. She flies back "home" about once a month to see her dad and we've gone out but we are not a match. So then a few weeks ago I'm doing a gig with a band and notice this pretty, bubbly lady with a smile on her face watching me. She's clearly by herself. On break I make myself available and she walks right up to me for a conversation - during which she tells me she's about to return to her home in Florida!!! WTF? They keep getting farther away! How is it I seem to almost attract (or be attracted to) women who live so far away?
3. Ginger, once again you and I appear to be on the same page with meeting sooner than later with the online thing. I can't at all tell if I'll connect with someone until meeting in person. I much prefer meeting soon as I can tell very quickly if there is any chance. Some people are good with that, others not so much. Some online seem to draw it out and never want to meet. Honestly, that's what is a plus about eHarmony - the people are serious. I swear, so many on Match and the others don't know what they want themselves.
4. And Doodler, so I dodged the bullet skinning dipping with you but what happened to your date? Wasn't that supposed to have been this past Friday? So put your money where your mouth is dude, did you go? Fill us in.
As for me, I've someone taken the advice given here and just backed off it all for a while. Part of that is because I've gotten very busy with work and band gigs. I would explore things with V in a heartbeat. Of everyone I've met in recent years she clearly is at the top of this list. For whatever reason, we just can't get things going. We both seem to want to but life gets in the way and I can't help but feel the distance is making it all that much harder. I totally believe if I said "Hey do you want to go out next weekend?" the answer would be yes. I just can't do a 20 hour round trip for a date. I will keep trying, however.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
LOL - LOL - LOL Didn't even think of that but good point.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
4. And Doodler, so I dodged the bullet skinning dipping with you but what happened to your date? Wasn't that supposed to have been this past Friday? So put your money where your mouth is dude, did you go? Fill us in.
DonH,
Yeah, I'm very sorry the skinny dipping thing didn't work out.
Regarding the date, no I didn't go on the date. But I'll have to tell my story...
I met the woman via Zoosk when I saw her picture she was wearing baseball cap like one that I'd recently lost. I messaged her asking, "What the hell are you doing with my hat?" The conversation that followed was great; we wrote a humorous collaborative story about how I lost the hat and how it eventually ended up on her head. That was a lot of fun! (It wasn't David Foster Wallace material, but it wasn't bad.) We stayed in contact daily and made a date for lunch last Friday.
Last Wednesday, I opened Zoosk to message her and when the application opened, it opened showing a profile of someone that looked a bit like the woman had been messaging. I looked through her pictures and there was one picture in common between the two profiles. So, she had two different profiles. That's not such a big deal, but the profile that I'd originally seen evidently had older pictures of her. The profile that I happened across is apparently recent; she's huge, like three times the woman she used to be. So, I know it's probably shallow of me, but that was real turn-off. I didn't know what to do, she seems very nice, and I don't mind overweight, but she if we went skinny dipping, it'd be like skinny dipping with Moby Dick.
Anyway, I didn't message her for over 24 hours. She finally messaged me saying that she had an opportunity to go to Atlanta so she had to cancel the date.
I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I don't like being a weasel, on the other hand, I feel like she wasn't quite honest.
I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. I don't like being a weasel, on the other hand, I feel like she wasn't quite honest.
Sounds like real life then. Haven't heard from you for a while doodler! I've been eating lots of cookies but still seem to be losing weight.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I've been on this forum trying to stir-up trouble. I've hijacked DonH's thread and I've asked many of the women, as well as DonH, to go skinny dipping with me. Everyone has politely turned me down. But, I think Vanilla is giving it some thought; she apparently wants to wait for warmer weather. I'd ask if you want to go skinny dipping with me, but I don't think I can take any more rejection right now.
I have you beat - Spotted Cow in the fridge, and brewed less than 25 miles from my doorstep. Ahh, the joys of Wisconsin...
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Hey doodler, when a woman presents herself one way and then you find out she's another (whether it's duplicate profiles or in person)...run don't walk! I find that people show you who they are really fast in online dating and the trick is to accept it and move on...without guilting yourself! Someone once told me on here "when a woman tells you she's mean, believe her" I didn't and paid for it. Did you get the cap back at least?
