My impression is that most spouses who leave won't admit there is even a theoretical possibility of coming back.
Just my 2 cents, Gump, you could not be more wrong. Lost's wife is not stating there is a possibility of a return, she's just justifying why SHE'S NOT RETURNING. There is a HUGE difference. Pretty much all walkouts do the justifying game and some justifications are just plain incredible, amazing even, like for instance one spouse said that he's not coming back, because the wife tosses salad in a certain way, but the one that really takes the cake is one where one husband said he's not coming back, because the cat farts too much.
Originally Posted By: Bworl
[quote=lostasf] Has she not made herself clear? You know, part of the reason these walk away spouses get so angry with us is that our actions and words make it clear the WE ARENT HEARING THEM! She moved out. She does not want to be married right now. She wants to see if someone else can make her feel good about herself.
Bworl has made some excellent points, I would just like to emphisize a point that she already found someone who makes her feel good about herself. And she's running on pure emotions right now. She's and addict in each and every sense of the word, no different than a heroin junkie or an alcoholic. Just ask Sandi or better yet, try to get familiar with her story. She sure did open a lot of eyes (mine included).
And one more final thing, do not assume your W is not reading your thread, and she will use it against you in each and every way. Your W right now is not to be trusted, I would really suggest you change your screen name and ask the mods to help you bury the topic. DO NOT share DB or DR with your W, any of it. Remember, she believes beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are at fault for wrecking the marriage and that SHE IS THE REAL VICTIM here and that she's the one that was trying to bring love to the marriage and that NOW FINALLY the time is here for her to be happy. As far as her A is concerned, she's found her soul mate,some one that FINALLY understands her and FINALLY "gets" her and FINALLY "treats her right". Needless to say it's all BS and the landing will be brutal, but she's got to come to the realization, you cannot "help her".
Stay strong buddy, there is a long road ahead of you...
Well, I leave for China tomorrow. I'm hopeful that it will take my mind off of the Sitch. I'll be gone for 2 weeks but will hopefully check out the boards when I get WiFi. I really do hate that I am having to go without my W, as I would have really enjoyed this experience with her, but that's how life goes I suppose. This entire process just absolutely [censored]. I can't believe how devastating all of this has been over the last couple months. I will say that I do at least have good moments now as opposed to weeks ago. I sure wish I had more of them though! It'll get better though, I have faith in that after soooooo many people have told me that.
Try and go and just enjoy yourself. I had to take a trip to NY by myself that had originally been planned as a birthday trip for my W. My W was furious that I was going and told me that I shouldn't be going. I can't say I enjoyed myself but I went because I was not going to let her control me. Props to you for having the courage to go on your trip alone. Have fun. This is an amazing opportunity for you.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
Thanks LiM. I can't say that I am that courageous as I will be meeting an old friend over there at some point so I won't be doing it all alone Regardless, I am going to try to enjoy myself as much as possible. All of this mess will still be here when I get back so I suppose worrying about it won't do any good.
Well, made it back from my 2 week China/Thailand trip. It was quite the adventure. It was a real test to both my physical and mental strength/endurance. We did SOOOO much hiking! Many days without sleep because there was just too much packed into such little time. All in all it was a great experience. I am officially tired of being in planes and airports though!
Regardless, I am going to try to enjoy myself as much as possible. All of this mess will still be here when I get back so I suppose worrying about it won't do any good.